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stassi

I could do this. I would walk into the stadium, take a deep breath, and manage to walk out with Damien. It was just a place, a place that didn’t hold the memories of what happened in my past because it was a building.

“Deep breaths,” I told myself as I looked at the oversized dark brown brick building in front of me.

I was standing in front of the Chicago Ravens practice rink, and all I wanted to do was run in the other direction.

Evidently, according to the twenty-two texts and fifteen photos that Alex had sent me, Damien was feeling tremendously better, and the two of them had quite an adventure in the apartment, playing with toys, watching movies, and baking cookies.

I pulled up my phone and looked at the last photo, a picture of Damien sitting on top of the boards at the ice rink with a caption that said “Thanks for the best day ever—a direct quote from Damien.”

I closed my eyes, fending off the threatening tears.

I could do this.

My knees ached right at the joints, and I grabbed onto the wall for support and to make sure I didn’t fall. I closed my eyes yet again.

He didn’t get to take my happiness.

I thought of all the experiences I missed in my life because of Dimitri. He took away my choice, he took away my sexual freedom, he took away the voice I wanted to have—not that I deserved to have.

He didn’t take away my family.

The building cried for me, begging me to come in, but everything inside it reminded me of Alex, of my past life, of what could have been if I had stayed with Dimitri.

I took two deep breaths before pushing open the glass door, and cool air greeted me, accompanied by that familiar scent of stinky feet that seemed to linger in most ice rinks.

I didn’t care because it smelled like home.

I walked past the waiting area, which led to the rink, and spotted Damien playing in the stands with Dirks and the tall captain I recognized.

“Hi, Mommy,” he shouted when he saw me.

“How are you feeling, baby?” I lifted him up into a hug and felt his cool forehead.

Even though I’d forgotten to tell him, Alex had put him in a hat, scarf, and jacket while inside the rink.

“I had the best day ever. I never want to go to camp. I want to spend all day with Alex.”

I kissed his cheek. “He is pretty awesome, huh?”

Damien nodded.

Dirks walked over and gave me a hug.

“Thanks for watching him,” I told him.

“My pleasure.” Dirks looked over at Alex, and I followed his gaze. “He asked if you would stay for a bit. He’s trying to wrap up.”

“Oh, yeah. sure.” He probably wanted to return my house keys I’d left for him.

“Can I take the little man out to the equipment room to see some of the cool hockey sticks?”

I must’ve hesitated, or maybe he sensed my anxiety, because Dirks quickly followed up with, “It’s down the hallway to the left.”

I nodded, and Damien scrambled out of my arms. I sat on the benches, watching the rink. Alex was in the corner with the camera crew. He must have been pretty popular since he was being interviewed, which reminded me that maybe it was time I actually googled him.

It wasn’t Alex that captured my attention—it was the rink. The clean, inviting ice, the lines stretching out from the edges. This place held my hopes and dreams. It was my Olympic gold medal, just within reach. I hadn’t seen a rink in over five years, and emotions caught in my throat.

The memories flooded back, overwhelming me.

The early mornings I spent practicing, the exhilaration of gliding across the ice, the feel of the cold air against my face.

The memories of coming from Russia to the States with Layla burned inside me.

Each line etched into the ice seemed to whisper stories of my past, of the triumphs and failures that had shaped me.

This rink wasn’t a place; it was a part of me, a piece of my soul I had left behind.

My chest ached. I remembered the roar of the crowd, the adrenaline coursing through my veins as I executed a perfect routine.

The sheer joy of landing that jump, of nailing that spin, using the sharpest edge, all of it came rushing back, bringing tears to my eyes.

It was as if I had been transported back in time.

But even in that space, I was never in control over my life.

My coach was, my mother was, and then Dimitri dictated who I was and where I was supposed to go.

The emotions threatened to choke me. I wanted to cry out, to release the pent-up feelings that had been buried for so long. But instead, I swallowed hard, trying to maintain my composure. I couldn’t afford to break down, not here, not now.

Just then, the tall captain came over and sat next to me.

Trying to avoid embarrassing myself by crying over an ice rink, I gestured to where Alex was. “Does he always do this type of press?”

“You really have no idea?” he replied.

I looked up at the bearded man and shook my head.

“He’s fucking amazing. I keep telling him he should be captain one day, he deserves this more than me.”

“Wow.”

“I read about you, may have found you on the internet and looked you up to see if you were good for my boy.”

I laughed. “And?”

“You’re pretty fucking cool. A gold medal at sixteen in partner skating?”

It was a lifetime ago. My knees twitched again, reminding me of all the reasons I didn’t have that life.

“Hey.” Ledger’s voice pulled me from my spiraling thoughts, and my head snapped up to him. “So, I know Alex invited you over to our pool Sunday, but the team kind of commandeered the invite, so a few of us are coming if that’s okay with you?”

“Oh.” That wasn’t where I expected the conversation to go. “Yeah. No. It’s not my place, so for sure—the more the merrier.”

“Anastasia.” I slowly turned to face the ice where Alex had skated over toward the boards.

His strong jawline was so fucking hot, especially when he looked to the side to watch Ledger walk away.

His side profile could have been on the freaking cover of every romance book.

His deep green eyes bored into mine. He had gelled his hair since this morning, taming it backward, and he was wearing a Ravens shirt and dark jeans.

Was he always this fucking hot? Was I extra horny or too deep in my own shitty life to realize?

“Hey.” I jumped down, approaching the pieces of plywood that separated me from the ice. Instinctively, I looked down at his skates and then back up to his eyes.

“I—” I managed to get out before he leaned over, his lips capturing mine.

“God, malyshka. Today has been the best day of my life. Damien is such a cool, little guy. He was showing me all the shirts you’ve made him. You’re so talented.”

I laughed. “Take a breath, Popov.”

He held my cheeks as I leaned over the big board. They had taken down the glass that separated the stands from the ice for the summer season, so I was right there near the ice. Right. Fucking. There.

“Come skate with me.”

I rolled my eyes. “I have no skates, plus I don’t know if I should.” I looked down at my knees.

“Did your doctor tell you that you couldn’t?”

I shook my head.

“Then come. Skate with me. Stand up, wrap your legs around my waist.”

I bit my lower lip. A wave of anxiety washed over me, and my arms shook.

What if being on the ice reminded me of him and what he did to me that night?

My heart raced so fast that I swear Alex must’ve heard it.

I stared into his deep green eyes, the eyes of the man who held me when I gave birth, who never judged me when I brought over desserts that were probably inedible half the time, but mostly who gave me the safest place I could ever need.

“Okay,” I whispered, taking a few steps forward and letting him lift me up. I immediately wrapped my legs around his waist.

It wasn’t that I was scared of us falling together, but because I was scared of falling for him.

Alex skated around the rink, his movements languid and smooth while holding me tight to his chest. I rested my head in the crook of his shoulder where it met the base of his neck. The familiar feel of the ice beneath us, the gentle glide of his skates, brought a rush of memories and emotions.

The cold air brushed against my face, and I closed my eyes, feeling the rhythmic motion of Alex’s skating. It was both exhilarating and terrifying. Every glide, every turn reminded me of my past, but being in Alex’s arms gave me a sense of security I hadn’t felt in years.

As we moved together, the tension in my body slowly melted away. The ice, which once represented so much pain and loss, now felt like a place of healing. Alex’s strength and confidence grounded me.

I took a deep breath, allowing myself to fully embrace the moment.

“Do you remember the first time you skated?” Alex’s voice broke the silence, gentle and warm.

“Of course,” I replied, a small smile playing on my lips. “I was four, and I fell more times than I could count. But I loved it. I loved the freedom, the way the ice felt beneath my skates.”

He chuckled softly. “And look at you now, still as graceful as ever.”

“Yeah, on your skates.” I blushed, burying my face deeper into his shoulder. “Thank you, Alex. For everything.”

“Always,” he murmured, his voice filled with sincerity.

He set me back at the boards, propping me up like Damien had been when I first walked in, my legs dangling toward the ice. His hands stayed on my thighs, sliding between them.

“You know, Anastasia. I was thinking...” He was tall enough that we were eye level when I was sitting.

“Oh, yeah?”

“I was thinking about how we’re only as good as our sharpest edge.”

“What do you mean?” I asked as he wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling himself to me and anchoring his skates to the ice.

His lips brushed my cheeks. “When you learn to skate, you learn to use the edges of your blade. It’s hard as fuck at first to find the delicate balance to stand up, but when you do, you use your edges for power, speed, and agility.”

“Right,” I responded. “And how does that relate to... What were we even talking about?”

He huffed out a laugh, and his beautiful face relaxed.

“I was saying that your situation kind of reminds me of using your edges. Sure, you can skate well and go through life, but when you reach your hand out to the one person you can rely on—or use your edges—then you realize how much strength, power, and speed you really have.”

I paused, letting his words sink in. There were so many layers to what he was saying, but the gist of it was that I wasn’t using my edges. I was skating wildly and randomly, which was why I was falling, but when I reached my hand out to him, he was there to help me learn how to stand on my own.

“If it weren’t for you, I would have still been with Dimitri, and truthfully, I don’t know if I’d be alive right now,” I responded softly.

He held onto my waist with one hand while tracing my jaw with the other, bringing me to his lips.

“I’m always here for you. I always have been.” He reached up, cupping my face. “You’re only as strong as your sharpest edge.”

Unshed tears started to form, and I tried so hard to hold them back. I felt like I was always crying around Alex. “I’m so sorry for pushing you away.”

“And I’m sorry for overwhelming you. I should have waited to talk and to figure it out instead of kissing you the moment you were free from him. It was selfish.”

“It wasn’t selfish.” I hesitated. “You were hurting, too. You also had just witnessed the trauma . You were there with me every step of the way, and then you watched me fall.”

“You were never falling, Anastasia.”

I huffed out a breath. “I was. He forced me to fall. At that moment, I was too hurt and focused on my family, and I didn’t realize I was hurting you by pushing you away.”

“And I was hurting you by pushing us together.” He pressed a soft kiss to my nose.

“Mommy,” a little voice shouted.

I turned, and Damien was running toward us, his hair wild.

“Dirks said he had pizza at his house, and he said we could go eat it.”

I looked behind the little guy to Dirks, whose similarly blonde hair was neatly pulled into a low ponytail. He shrugged.

“We all live in the same high-rise. We can go over there. He’s down the hall from me.”

“It’s going to be late by the time we get home. Damien has camp in the morning since he seems to have made a miraculous recovery.”

“Mommy, please,” he begged, and Dirks didn’t help, giving me puppy-dog eyes.

“I, uh.” I swung my gaze back to Alex.

“If it ends up being too late, you both could stay with me.”

I shook my head. “We’d never impose like that.”

“But I want you to.”

I leaned in to whisper to him. “I have work tomorrow.”

“I know. I just—pizza?”

I looked back at Damien and then out onto the ice, Alex’s words from earlier coming back to me. I’m only as good as my sharpest edge.

“Okay.” I hopped off the boards and brought Damien in for a hug. “Pizza it is.”