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I would be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about what this would feel like. He trailed upward until he got to the edge of my underwear.

“Are you wet for me, Anastasia?”

He must’ve been a psychic because I was dripping. Quite literally, my underwear was soaking wet with the simple anticipation of what his fingers would feel like dipped into my aching core.

“I need this,” I breathed between kisses.

He squeezed my breast with his other hand before trailing up to my neck. “Is this okay?” he asked as he traced my collarbone.

I nodded.

“Tell me,” he demanded. “Use your words, malyshka.”

“Yes. It’s okay. I feel... safe with you.” Because everything with Alex was safe, and never once was I scared.

He groaned into my mouth as he slipped his fingers up my neck and toward the back of my head, gripping my hair to hold me tight to him. He pulled at the wet cotton fabric covering my pussy. Just the friction of his hands down there had my hips moving forward and backward, desperate to have more?—

“Oh. Shit. Er . . . Um . . .”

I pushed Alex off me, and he turned around so whoever was at the end of the hall couldn’t see his incredibly hard cock straining against his pants.

“Dirks!” I shouted. “Oh, thank fuck it’s just you.”

“Well, yeah. I wanted to make sure you guys were okay before I headed out, but, uh, it seems like everything’s fine?”

“Dude.” Alex chastised him as he turned around, tucking his cock into his waistband so the rest of the restaurant didn’t need to see his tent. “Really?”

“I don’t know, man. You guys are confusing as fuck.”

Alex and I looked at each other simultaneously, and a grin broke out on our faces. “Yeah. We are.”

“Anyway, I think I’m going to head out, Stassi, so you guys can... finish what you started.”

I shook my head and adjusted my hair so it didn’t look as disheveled. “I’ve got to head home. I work tomorrow.” I walked over to Dirks and gave him a hug.

“Come to a game with the little man?”

I gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I appreciate it. I don’t know if I’m there yet.”

He nodded as if he understood. Attending a hockey game meant facing everything I had left behind—everything that still reminded me of Dimitri.

It had taken years just to say his name, but going to a game after pushing hockey out of my mind was something else entirely.

Seeing an ice rink would only remind me that I would never skate again, that the one thing I worked so hard for was taken from me forever.

“Sorry,” Dirks murmured, his voice filled with genuine remorse.

“It’s okay. I just... need time,” I responded softly. I couldn’t blame Dirks.

“Give him a chance,” Dirks said.

I glanced back at Alex as I walked toward the door with Dirks and his hands were tucked into his jeans, exuding an undeniable allure even in the dim light.

He possessed a commanding presence wherever he went.

Sometimes, I wondered if he belonged in a Mafia movie, given his dangerous charm.

Maybe that would be his second career if hockey didn’t work out.

He was so gentle and soft, though, so the thought of him being dangerous made me chuckle on the inside.

“It’s complicated,” I replied to Dirks. “But I’m grateful you came tonight.”

Dirks embraced me before waving to Alex behind me.

“You’re not going with him?” I turned slowly on my heel to face Alex, observing the tension in his jaw as he approached me.

“No.” He answered so simply.

“I, uh, I really do have to go.”

“Let’s go, then.” Alex reached out to grab my hand, but I shook my head.

“Listen, Alex. I was... just... I...” I had no idea what I even wanted to say.

“I’m so fucking messed up, Alex. I wanted to kiss you and see if I was going nuts because all I thought about was that kiss.

I’ve never kissed anyone else because replacing your lips felt worse somehow than kicking you out of my room.

..” I messed with the ends of my hair. “I don’t know if I’m ready. .. it has to be on my terms.”

Alex shrugged and then laced his hand around my waist, guiding me out of the restaurant. “It’s whatever you want it to be, Anastasia. I’ll show you every single day of my life from here on out how much all I have ever wanted was to be in your life in some way.”

We got outside, and the chilly evening wind blew around us.

“Do you remember the story of my parents?” he asked.

I nodded, turning toward him. “Yeah.”

“At the time, it couldn’t be you. I thought we were passing ships in the night. I missed you, and you were married. I couldn’t stoop to my father’s level and cheat.”

“I agree,” I responded. “I wouldn’t have cheated either. I thought that was what marriage looked like.”

“Anastasia, I was completely head over heels the moment I saw you in my apartment, but D was my teammate. I did anything to have you in my life in some way, but you were always so much more to me than a friend.”

“I’ve never been in a real relationship.

I went through so much therapy to get over what he did to me, Alex.

” The sadness threatened to choke me as I swallowed.

“He would hurt me every single day. I ran to your apartment the moment he left because you showed me that not all men were scary and painful.” I hesitated. “Did you know that?”

“The day you came to my apartment with bruises, I suspected it, but if my parents’ relationship taught me anything, it was that you weren’t ready to leave him then. If I had demanded you do it, you’d have pushed me away, and I didn’t want you to have nowhere to go.”

My smile turned down. “So it was all out of pity? To keep me safe?” I threw my hands on my hips.

“No.” He closed the distance between us again but didn’t reach out for me, waiting for me to make the first move.

“No. It was because I couldn’t get enough of you, malyshka.

I wanted to be around you. I stopped going out and would sit and wait for you.

I wanted to be near you, even if it was only for a few hours every few days, but it meant so much more to me.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was doing something wrong, as if I was somehow forcing you to leave him. ”

I shuffled my feet. He was right. I would never forget the night he told me, “I’d never hurt you.”

He reached out this time, and I took his hands, letting my fingers interlace with his.

“I know. But I tried to avoid you because life was already hard enough out here. I could have reached out to you, but I didn’t because I wasn’t sure I could handle this conversation.

” I paused. “I’m still so broken, Alex. It took five years of therapy just to get to this point.

There was a time when I couldn’t walk or hold my child properly, and I even considered taking a few extra pain meds, hoping it might put me back into that coma?—”

“But Damien.” Alex squeezed my hands.

“Exactly,” I responded quietly. “That’s why I didn’t do it, but I wanted to. I still have times when I’m so depressed about how my life ended up. I worked an entire career only to have it taken away from me by a man who was supposed to love and cherish me.”

“If you’re still broken then I’d be broken in love with you, Anastasia.”

I shook my head, tears falling down my cheeks. “I can’t be there in a way that you deserve. I don’t know how to open up, and there’s so much I missed that I still want to explore.”

“I understand,” he said. “Can I walk you home?”

“Please.”

We started back to my apartment, which was only a few blocks away. It was dark as we walked, his hand never leaving mine.

“I get why you’d want to explore. You were so young when you got married and?—”

I tugged on his hand, forcing us to stop mid-step.

“Yes, exactly. There was so much I didn’t get to experience.” The thoughts I’d been trying to express all night finally made sense. “Like, I have no idea what it’s like to be eaten out. Sometimes I think about watching porn and wonder, what if I wanted to be with a girl? I never got to try that.”

Realizing what I’d just said, I quickly let go of his hand and covered my mouth. Those were definitely supposed to be inside thoughts. In my excitement at finally feeling understood, I think I word vomited everywhere.

“I can’t believe I said that out loud. I was excited that someone finally understood where I was coming from, and then that just slipped out because my roommate was talking about dating and...”

When I dared a glance at Alex, he was grinning from ear to ear before he burst into hysterical laughter.

“Anastasia,” he said, coming closer and wrapping his arms around my waist, “we can explore those things together. I want you, but if you want to explore being with a woman, we can do that together.”

“Stop it.” I shoved my shoulder at him. “You don’t actually mean that.”

He stopped. “No.” His tone was serious, and his eyes bored into mine. “I am being serious. I want you. I want to explore with you. I want to help you find that power within yourself.”

“But—” I hesitated. “Is that something you’d find... attractive?”

The corners of Alex’s mouth twisted into a devious smirk. “Fuck, yeah. Imagine how sexy it would be with your lips?—”

I playfully slapped his arm. “You’re incorrigible.”

He couldn’t really help me explore that part of me... could he?

We linked our hands together again and walked a few blocks in silence.

“Did you ever get a chance to reach out to your old roommate after... everything?” Alex asked.

“Yeah. I did. I told her what happened, but she was already at state championships and was busy, so our lives kind of drifted in different directions. It was hard for me to do anything when I was going to doctor appointments every day.”

“I thought he had to pay you in civil court too,” Alex said, but I could tell he was trying to pry without outright asking.

“Yeah. He did, but it cost so much to have a babysitter when my mom needed to bring me to an appointment and kids weren’t allowed, plus all the medical bills because I lost my insurance when he got fired from the team. It was super complicated, but yeah, it all went to my medical bills.”

“And you didn’t start sewing?” he asked, and I stopped to stare up at him.

“Alex, I had a newborn and could barely stand. I needed a stable job I could do while sitting, so I studied for my associate’s degree and trained to become a dispatcher.”

“But you don’t like it?” His green eyes scanned mine.

“Eh.” I shrugged.

“And your roommate watches him occasionally?” he asked as we continued walking, only a couple more blocks to my apartment.

“Yeah. When she can, but she works a lot too, so it’s really just us. I was grateful we each have our own bedroom at the apartment, and it’s a really good deal on rent.” Feeling mentally drained talking about all this, I turned the subject toward him. “And you? What’re you up to? You got traded?”

He nodded, a slow smile spreading across his lips. “Thank God. I hated working with the other team. When our old coach got fired for being a shitty coach, he was replaced, and it was a little better, but I was living in the apartment still and there were just so many?—”

“Bad memories.” I finished his sentence.

“Exactly.” He gave my hand a quick tug. “I got traded to the Ravens, and this year has been fucking amazing. Did you know we won the Stanley Cup?”

I shook my head. No, I didn’t because I avoided the sport and any news about it.

“Wow, Alex! That’s amazing. Congrats. I bet you’re an amazing player,” I said in awe.

He shrugged. “Eh. Coach thinks so, but Ledger, the other guy at the camp?—”

“The super tall one?”

Alex chuckled. “Yeah, him. He’s the star of the team, but during the final Cup game, I gave him the assist in the OT goal.”

“Holy shit.” I balked, tugging him back again. He smiled sheepishly. “That’s amazing.”

“It was cool, but it was nothing really. I was doing my job.”

We rounded the corner to my apartment complex.

“This is me.” I gestured up to the brown brick building in front of us. “But you probably already know that because you have my address and dropped off a ridiculous amount of fabric.”

“Baby.” Alex pulled me to him, tugging me close so our chests were touching. “If you wanted me to be your stalker, you just had to ask.”

“Alex.” My intention was to sound a little annoyed in a joking manner, but with his chest smashed against mine and his breath brushing my lips, I was a fucking goner. “I like malyshka better.”

His mouth was on mine, and I wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him down into me. For the second time tonight, I was reminded that, yes, his kiss was exactly how I remembered. Outside, with nothing but the streetlamp illuminating us, all I wanted was to invite him upstairs.

His hands circled my waist, and my body begged him to hold me tighter, but I did what I needed to do. I pulled away slowly, reeling from the heady kiss. “I-I need to go upstairs. I really do have an early morning tomorrow with work and camp.”

“Okay,” Alex said, adjusting his pants again before looking down at me, lifting up my chin, and pressing his thick lips to my forehead. “Can I see you soon?”

I didn’t need to think about it to know exactly what I wanted to say. “Yes.”

The corner of his lip curled into a smirk.

“Good.” He shifted his feet slightly before looking back up at me.

“Yeah, this is good,” he replied a bit sheepishly.

“I, uh, have a press thing to do tomorrow afternoon at the rink, but my apartment building has a pool on the rooftop. If you and Damien want to come over, I’d love that. ”

I almost didn’t respond and fumbled around my purse for my phone. “I don’t know about tomorrow because of work, but maybe this weekend? I’m off Sunday, and Damien would love the pool.”

“I can do Sunday.”

He took a step closer to me again, grabbing my phone out of my hand.

“This is long overdue,” he murmured as he put his number in my phone and then handed it back.

“Anastasia. If you need anything, I know you’re doing it on your own, and you’re doing an amazing job, but please know I’m here for you.

I always have been, I just... lost you for a bit. ”

I closed my eyes, letting the familiarity of bourbon and lemon fill my nose. “I don’t know how to do this, Alex,” I whispered.

“Let me show you how.”