Page 22

stassi

“Shut the baby up. We should have fucking left him with your mother,” Dimitri grumbled from the other side of the bed. “I played a fucking game. The last thing I need to come back to is hearing this thing wailing.”

I had ended up flying out to Ohio separately from the team to meet Dimitri because he insisted that I bring the baby to his next home game.

He didn’t want me sneaking away to skate while he was on the road, and he made it clear that leaving our newborn with my mom, when it wasn’t on his terms, wasn’t an option.

He said it wasn’t fair to burden her with the responsibility, reminding me that it was my job to care for our child.

So, despite how exhausting it was, I found myself traveling with the baby just to keep him happy.

“I’m going to get him up,” I whispered as I padded toward the playpen in the corner.

The light from the bed shot on, and I saw rage in every jagged twist of my husband’s mouth.

“Get. The. Fucking. Baby. Out.”

“Where am I supposed to sleep?” I asked softly.

“In the fucking lobby, for all I care,” he snapped. “You need to teach the baby to sleep on a normal schedule like every other mother does, but instead, you’re always coddling him every time he cries.”

I didn’t dare say anything back. I knew it was better to try and deflect the situation than to anger him more.

“I won’t be able to sleep in the lobby, but I can hang out there until you wake for the day, and I guess I’ll be able to sleep on the plane.”

The light flicked off. “That’s problem-solving.”

It was all he said before I grabbed the baby and the diaper bag and headed out into the hallway.

Fuck the lobby. I walked straight to Alex’s room. He made sure to tell me which he was in before he left, so I went down the hallway and up the stairs to the second floor and knocked on room 312.

I had no idea what time it was, my phone was stuffed inside the diaper bag, but I knocked hoping this was Alex’s room.

It was mere seconds before the door whipped open, and crying baby and all, my mouth dropped at the sight in front of me. Alex was completely shirtless with a towel around his... very erect manhood.

“Did I interrupt you?” I asked, leaning in to make sure no one else heard.

Everything had changed that one night last month when I fell asleep in Alex’s arms. We had remained friends despite my mother constantly complaining about me going “out.” Since Dimitri had practically moved in with someone else, openly flaunting his infidelity, I started going to Alex’s place almost every night.

It was a quiet rebellion, a way to find some semblance of normalcy and support.

It was also incredibly helpful with Damien, as it was the one time I felt like I had someone willing to help me with him.

“I was just in the shower.” Alex pushed the door open, and I quickly ran in, trying not to touch his hard, towel-clad dick.

“Were you in the shower with someone?” I said, peeping around the room to see if anyone else was here.

He laughed. “No. I was masturbating while thinking of you.”

I spun on my heel, turning to look at him. My mouth was open so wide it must’ve been down to the floor.

“Alex,” I whined. “You cannot?—”

A smile spread across his cheeks. “I was kidding,” he grumbled as he turned around. “I was in the shower, jacking off, trying to blow off some steam from the loss tonight.”

I shook my head as I flicked on a light in the room. “You shouldn’t admit these things to me.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Alex said as he came out of the bathroom in a pair of gray sweats.

What was it about sweats that made me feel something so... wet for him?

His chest was chiseled. His jawline was sharp, and his green eyes were soft. “Now, give me the baby,” Alex cooed as he scooped Damien from my arms, who was delightfully babbling and drinking a bottle.

I rested on the little chair in the corner while Alex fed Damien a bottle on the bed.

“What did he do this time?” Alex asked.

“The baby was crying too much,” I whispered.

I hesitated before picking at my fingers.

“I think the next time we go away, I’m going to tell him I’m going to leave.

” I looked down at the floor, feeling ashamed.

“He’ll probably kick me out right away, but I don’t want him to explode when the baby is in the same room. ”

Alex nodded. “Okay,” he whispered. “Where will you go?”

I shrugged. “I have a few thousand saved up. I have enough for a studio apartment in like San Diego area, but I’ll need to figure out a job.”

“Live with me?” Alex straightened up but didn’t look at me. He gazed down at the baby. His jaw flexing.

“I can’t.” I shook my head. “I need to do this... on my own,” I whispered.

Alex sighed. “I somehow figured you were going to say something like that. Will you at least live near me? I can’t imagine not seeing yo—him.”

The way he corrected himself didn’t go unnoticed.

“I don’t ask for much, but I can help you out with babysitting and making sure Dimitri is following whatever order I’m sure you’ll need to get...”

I thought it through. There was a benefit to staying close to Alex. He felt like home anyway, and I could stand on my own two feet and figure it out while having a friend.

“I’ll look into it.” I agreed, and a very slight turn of his lips was the only indication he was satisfied with my answer.

“Thank you,” he finally answered, lifting the infant off his lap and placing him over his shoulder like I’d taught him to burp him.

“I can’t live like this anymore. The physical stuff has stopped.

” I admitted, not looking at Alex. I don’t know why, but three in the morning felt like the right time to confess everything to him.

“But he’s been with someone else. I don’t even understand what he wants with me.

He told me to come with him because he doesn’t want me to skate. ”

“If you’re traveling and not skating, then you can’t compete, right?”

I nodded, my mind churning as his words sank in.

It hit me then—this was why he didn’t want me skating or practicing.

He didn’t trust me to balance motherhood and my passion.

All this time, he’d masked it as concern, but really, it was about control.

I felt foolish for not seeing it sooner, but maybe I could blame it on baby brain or the constant stress of our crumbling marriage.

It was hard to see clearly when you were drowning in it.

Getting the money I needed to run away required the competition. Winning was within reach, and I needed that prize more than ever.

“How are you able to look him in the face, knowing all this?”

He closed his eyes, a moment too long, before reopening them. “I don’t know, Anastasia. For you. I wanted you to tell me in your own time.”

“We’ll stay friends though, right?” I hesitated. “If everything goes to plan and I leave him?”

He nodded. “Always means always.”

I closed my eyes, imagining all the ways this could go wrong, knowing Dimitri wouldn’t let me walk out the door. He saw me as his property, and no one else was going to have what was his.

“It’ll go well.” I lied.

If I wasn’t optimistic and didn’t try to convince myself of this, then what else did I have? If I was sad and pessimistic about it, it would only convince me to stay with him longer.

“It will.” Alex matched my tone and looked up at me, his eyes locking with mine.

We both nodded softly as he looked down at the baby. This was the best and only decision I could make to keep Damien safe.

“Come here.” He gestured to the bed.

Without a second thought, I walked over and lay on the other side. Alex switched Damien, who was now sleeping soundly, as he usually did, in his inside arm. He kicked off the pillows on the bed and shucked the cover.

“I know this isn’t the safest . . .”

“You’ve been reading on infant sleep?” I leaned to the side so I could look at him.

“Yeah. You’ve mentioned wanting to sleep train him, but are scared of what that entails.” He looked down at Damien. “But I’ll keep my eyes open for a few hours, and then if you want, we can switch.”

I nodded, agreeing.

“Then you go first.” He urged.

I wanted one more moment. I wanted to take a second before I let sleep take me under to look at the man who was single-handedly saving my life.

I wondered if he knew how much he meant to me.

Would he really stay? When I looked back on this chapter in the book that is my life, would he still be there in chapter thirty?