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“My baby,” I whispered, so upset with myself because I wanted to rush to him, but had to rely on my mother to bring him toward me.

My mother rushed to my side, and my hands went straight to the little blonde curly-haired boy in the seat.

He was looking at me, his big blue eyes wide with unfiltered joy.

He didn’t know anything but a life full of happiness.

A part of me was grateful he wasn’t there to witness what had happened.

There was some small comfort in knowing that Dimitri did this away from his son.

My mom helped me unclip the carrier and lift him into my arms. There was some warmth in the very cold, sterile room. My body must’ve agreed because the buzzing of the machines behind me slowed.

I looked down at the baby, and then someone coughed behind me, startling me. I was so focused on Damien that I forgot Alex was still in the room.

Tears streamed down his cheeks.

“Leave,” I whispered despite the lump in my throat.

“Please.” His voice cracked, filled with despair.

I shook my head, feeling the weight of my words. “I’m so broken, Alex. I’m tired and broken. This isn’t a life for you. I have no room for you here.” I lied, the pain of pushing him away tearing at my heart.

“Don’t run away. Please. I’ll be in your life however you want me to. I’ll do anything.” He pleaded, dropping back down onto his knees, bowing his head before me. His shoulders shook with silent sobs, the sight of his anguish only deepening my own.

The room felt heavy with unspoken sorrow, the air thick with the weight of our shared grief.

Alex’s tears mirrored my own, each one a testament to the profound sadness that had engulfed us both.

As he knelt there, broken and pleading, my resolve crumbled, the pain of rejecting him almost too much to bear.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered, more to myself than to him. “I can’t let you carry my burdens. I need to find my own way, even if it means pushing you away.”

I was already at such a low point that putting myself on a pedestal felt impossible. I didn’t believe I deserved anything at the top, and I wasn’t sure if I ever would.

“I think I lov?—”

I stopped him immediately, holding up my free hand. “Do. Not. Say. Those. Words.” I swallowed hard, not wanting to feel the anguish.

He’d always been there for me, especially in the moments I needed him most. He had waited for weeks while I woke up. I didn’t even know how long I was asleep, but he stayed by my side, yet it all felt too much.

His words pierced through the darkness, a glimmer of hope in an otherwise bleak world. But the sadness, the overwhelming despair, was too powerful. I turned away, unable to face the depth of his emotion and the pain it caused me.

I was going to drag him down with me. It was as though we were a sinking ship and I was the anchor, pulling him deeper into the abyss. I couldn’t do that to him or myself.

“If you do... you know... you’ll do what I am asking of you. You’ll leave me. Go away, and please don’t come back,” I begged, trying not to upset the baby.

I turned briefly to see my mother in the corner with her hands in her dress pockets, looking at the floor.

He stood up, wiping his tears away from his eyes as the beeping of the machines started up again. My damn body giving away the anguish of my heart ripping into a million little pieces.

“Okay.” He looked up at me, his eyes red and swollen. “I’ll be here, waiting. No matter how long it takes. You don’t have to face this alone, even if you think you do.”

He paused, holding his hand to his mouth as his legs started to shake uncontrollably. “Can I—” He closed his eyes. “Can I please say goodbye to him?”

I looked down at the baby staring at me in silence, as if he was somehow also memorizing my face. I wanted to break all over again, realizing that Alex had helped me raise Damien these last three months... or was it four now? God, how had time been so slow and so fast all at once?

“Of course,” I whispered, and Alex gently scooped the baby into his arms, settling him into that familiar football hold that made my heart ache.

The way he cradled Damien, so secure and loving, only intensified the pain and confusion swirling inside me. My headache returned, the intensity of the situation overwhelming me.

Alex looked down at Damien, his face softening despite the tears. “Hey, little guy,” he murmured, his voice trembling. “I have to go for a while. I know we talked about it when Mom was sleeping, but I love you. I’ll always be here for you, even if I’m not around.”

Damien cooed, reaching a tiny hand up to Alex’s face, and Alex closed his eyes, letting the tears fall freely. He pressed a gentle kiss to Damien’s forehead, lingering there for a moment as if trying to imprint the memory.

“I’ll miss you so much,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Take care of your mom for me, okay?”

As he handed Damien back to me, the depth of his heartbreak mirrored my own. He dropped a kiss to my forehead. “Anytime. I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”

I couldn’t talk. My heart was stuck in my throat. He gave me one last lingering look, his eyes filled with a mixture of sorrow and hope, before he turned and walked away, leaving me alone with my shattered heart.