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alex

“I expected you to look like shit.” Ledger commented on my appearance. “Kinda like him.” He gestured over to Dirks, who had sunglasses on, his head hung low, and was wearing a mismatched outfit that clearly indicated he’d gotten dressed in the dark.

“Nah. I told you last night. I’m psyched for this.” I was in a pair of khaki shorts with a Ravens shirt that matched the one Cole and Dirks were wearing.

A brunette lady with a clipboard in one hand and her hair in a tight bun on top of her head came over to us as we stood inside a high school gymnasium in the city.

“Alright, stars of the show. I’ll go through what’s going to happen if that’s okay with you.”

Dirks groaned while Cole and I held back our laughter.

“Go right ahead, ma’am,” Ledger told her.

“We’re going to have our organization president make a little speech to the kids and their parents today, then we’ll divide the families up into six different teams based on age.

Since you guys aren’t going to be here all summer, just for the day, we ask that you make your way around to each group and participate in activities. ”

“The parents and kids?” Cole asked.

The lady nodded vigorously. “Yes. It’s family day.

Anyone who signs up for the program has to attend with their family.

It’s part of the stipulation because we believe we’re providing a collaborative camp for students so they can go home and show their parents what they learned.

The parents might have never thrown a baseball before, and today we’re going to show them what catch really means. ”

“Wow. That’s cool,” I said, extra excited for this.

“We think so, too.” With that, the lady shooed us to the side as the families piled in.

“You doing okay?” Ledger asked me and put his hand over my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

Ledger was by far taller than me. He was a beast and a big dude with brown hair and a thick beard.

He also knew about Anastasia. Well, not exactly about her, but the whole thing that happened and the reason I had taken over a month off a contract. It was one of the only reasons I was going to get dropped and not traded, but the Ravens coach believed in me.

Eventually, Cole and I talked, and I told him the story of what happened in the few months that changed my life.

He laughed when I told him Anastasia and I were just friends the entire time, too.

Over the years, I’d realized I was always in love with her.

She was the only true love I was ever going to have because, with her, everything was easy.

There would never be anyone special like her, and trust me, I’d tried looking for four years.

“I’m fine,” I said as the gym filled with families and kids.

My mind imagined what it would be like to see them again—if I’d even recognize Damien since he was already five years old.

“Thank you so much, everyone, for coming.” The lady who gave us instructions now had a mic headset on as she guided families to take seats in the gym.

I leaned against the wall, not letting the pain from watching the excited families hurt me. She was never mine to begin with, but I thought I’d be in her life in some capacity for a while.

“I’m so excited everyone is here for their first day of summer camp. Please take a seat, and we’ll go ahead and get started.”

The crowd thinned out as they filled the seats.

“Damn, there are like a couple hundred people here,” Dirks, who’d perked up in the last few minutes, said as he scanned the crowd.

I only elbowed him.

“Dude, you can’t swear today.”

“Oh, shit.” He covered his mouth. “Sheet. I meant to say sheet.”

“Uh-huh.” I rolled my eyes.

As we laughed, a mom and her little boy walked by, the kid clutching her hand as he looked up at her with wide eyes. Both Dirks and I fell silent, watching them for a moment.

Dirks sighed, his tone softening. “You ever wonder about her?”

My gaze lingered on the pair before I nodded. “All the time.”

“I can’t believe he only got ten years,” Dirks commented.

I’ll never forget the day I heard the news.

It was blasted everywhere that Dimitri Sokolov was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

If he’d killed her or done it in front of Damien, it would’ve been more.

When they panned over to Anastasia, she was still in her wheelchair, crying as they took her out of court.

My entire heart felt like it was crumbling into a million pieces.

“Thank you all for coming.” The lady’s familiar voice shook me from my thoughts. “We are so excited to be here for the tenth annual Kids Camp summer camp.”

The audience applauded, but I was distracted.

“We’re going to hear a few welcome words from our president, Travis Cannant.”

Travis took the stage as another round of applause filled the room, and the door to the gym across from us opened.

The lady walked over to the person coming in, and Ledger leaned over to me. “My team’s going to kick your team’s backside.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Dude. This isn’t a competition. That’s the opposite of what this is about.”

“Shh,” Dirks said from where we were lined up. The president was still making his speech, but then gestured over to us. “Come on, time for us to get up and say something.”

Ledger, since he was the captain, went first. He had prepared a little speech while we were waiting, looking out at the sea of people in front of us.

“We wanted to take a second to thank you all for coming. The Chicago Ravens, winners of the Stanley Cup this year, are proud to support Kids Camp this summer...”

Dirks, still in sunglasses, elbowed me as Ledger continued to talk about the team. I snapped my head in his direction.

“Shh,” I whispered.

“Dude.” He pulled off his glasses, and it was no wonder why he kept them on. He looked horrible with red-rimmed eyes and deep circles beneath.

“Put those back on.” I half laughed. “You’ll scare the kids.”

“No.” He elbowed me again. “Look.”

I stared at him. He was talking loudly, and we were standing right behind Ledger.

“Shut up,” I hissed.

We must’ve looked like blubbering idiots to anyone standing in the stands because we were fighting like toddlers behind Ledger.

Dirks turned toward me, his voice a little higher. “I need you to look out in the audience. Second row. Bleachers closest to the door.” Dirks paused, and I stared at him, cross-eyed in confusion. “Do it.”

“Okay, okay,” I said, rolling my eyes.

If it’d get him to shut up, I’d look at whatever chick he probably wanted me to see. My eyes scanned the crowd as I stepped to the side of Ledger so I could get a better view of everyone to my left.

Sure enough, I found the bleachers closest to the door, and in the second row, there was a lady with blonde...

“No,” I said, and Ledger looked back at me, making me realize how loud I was.

“Sorry.” I shook my head, unable to believe this.

I walked around my friends, behind the sides of the bleachers so I was hidden but could confirm what I was looking at.

Sitting next to the woman on the bleachers was a little boy with blonde curly hair and beautiful green eyes. He looked just like...

“No.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

I had to be seeing things. I was in Chicago. She was in OC in California, states away. This wasn’t happening.

Ledger looked over at me but didn’t stop his speech, and I shook my head. No, I was not okay. No, something was happening inside my chest. I stared in disbelief.

The room felt suffocating, so I turned around and headed toward the door. I kicked it open and pressed my back against the closest wall. It was empty, quiet, and dark. What was happening? After all this time, I had finally found her, and she was sitting there with her child.

I wanted to bury my face in my hands, but the door in front of me swung open. Dirks stood there, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“If she’s here, then she didn’t get the money from the case,” he said.

My head was spinning. “What?”

“She’s here as a participant, Alex. Her son needs the camp, so that must mean?—”

I felt sick. I had failed her again. I left when she kicked me out, but I should’ve checked on her. I should have made sure she was okay.

“I can’t do this.” A few moments passed. “I need to leave. I’m sorry.”

The door behind us opened again, and I heard the familiar voice of the lady in charge as she shuffled people outside.

It was Ledger, though, and thankfully, no one else was behind him.

“What the fuck kind of scene was that?” he shouted, taking in the sight of me with Dirks’s hand on my back as I crumpled to the floor, my face buried in my hands.

“What’s wrong?” he quickly followed up.

“She’s here,” Dirks said softly.

Ledger looked down at both of us before crouching down beside us. “Like... her, her?”

Dirks nodded.

“Holy. Fuck.”

I looked up at Ledger. “I can’t do this.”

Ledger stood up, looking down at me. “She’s walking.”

He reached down, and for a moment, I looked at him confused, but I grabbed his hand, letting him lift me up.

“She’s walking, Alex.”

I stared at him.

“Didn’t you say she was told she’d never walk again?” Ledger asked both of us, since I was clearly in shock.

“Yes,” Dirks whispered.

“She’s walking. I saw her. She left to go to the group with her son. She’s walking,” he repeated, and I clasped my hands around his back, giving him a hug.

She’s actually here. She’s walking.

“If you leave,” Ledger whispered, “you’ll be leaving her again. Who knows when you’ll see her again.”

I nodded as I pulled away, feeling the tears on my cheeks.

It had been four and a half years since I cried.

It had been so long since I actually felt the pain of losing her.

Nothing came close to the way I needed Anastasia.

I wanted another moment to feel her skin against mine.

But I was so terrified she was going to reject me yet again.

“I feel so fucking stupid for crying,” I said, turning away from them to wipe my tears.

Dirks was the first one to give me a pat on the back. “Shit. Then I feel stupid too because I barely knew her.”

I turned around, and he gave me a crooked half-smile. “He looks just like his dad,” I managed to croak out.

“Nah. I think he looks like her, but I gotta go take a closer look,” Dirks said. They both turned to head out the door. “You coming?”

I took a deep breath, not ready for this to happen. I wasn’t ready for any of it, but here I was, about to face the two people I had longed to see more than anything. So many unanswered questions swirled in my mind, but all I wanted was to see her face one more time.

“Come on.” Ledger encouraged me, holding the door open.

I wasn’t sure if she was going to push me back out of her life again, and quite frankly, I wasn’t sure if I’d let her. This was a second chance for me, to show her how much I needed her, like I needed oxygen to breathe.

My legs began to move forward as I realized I was going to see her. I needed to see her. I was about to confront the ghost of a woman who had haunted me every single day for nearly five years.