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stassi

“This is so... nice,” I managed to say when I got into the apartment with a very sleepy Damien slumped over Alex’s shoulder.

Walking into his apartment, I was surprised.

His place in California was warm, with plush furniture and wood accents.

This was nice, don’t get me wrong. It was four billion times the size of my apartment and in a high-rise in the middle of the best neighborhood in all of Chicago, but this felt wrong.

Alex noticed my hesitation and gave me a small, understanding smile. “Yeah, it’s... different. I wanted something with more character, but a stylist came and fixed it up for me. I didn’t have it in me to tell them I hated it.”

I looked around, taking in the sleek lines and monochromatic color scheme. “It’s very modern,” I offered diplomatically.

“Stark and minimal.” He corrected me. “But it’ll do for now.”

He guided us down the hallway to a room that was shockingly different from the rest of the apartment.

The walls were painted a warm blue color, creating a cozy, inviting atmosphere.

In the corner was a small twin bed with a soft quilted blanket and a few plush pillows.

A rug with colorful patterns lay on the floor.

I couldn’t hide my surprise. “This is... different,” I said, looking around. It was as if this room was created specifically for a little kid.

Alex smiled. “I wanted at least one room to feel more like a home. Somewhere Damien could feel comfortable.”

“Y-You did this for him?”

Alex rubbed Damien’s back. “I can’t take credit for it, but it was what I did yesterday, hoping you’d say yes when I invited you over on Sunday. The room was already painted this color, so I went out and got a nice rug, to make it feel cozier.”

I ran my fingers along the blue quilt, the same color as Damien’s eyes. “It does.” I agreed.

As if on cue, Damien stirred in Alex’s arms, his little face scrunching up before he settled back into sleep. Alex gently laid him on the twin bed, tucking him in with the quilted blanket. He smoothed Damien’s curls, his touch tender and full of love.

Damien’s hand groped the air, searching for something.

Alex’s eyes widened with realization. “Bear,” he murmured, almost to himself.

He bolted out of the room, rushing down the hall with surprising urgency. But I stood there, still in shock over this room. He reappeared, slightly out of breath, holding Bear. The worn, beloved stuffed animal looked small in his large hands, but it was exactly what Damien needed.

Alex knelt beside the bed, gently placing Bear into Damien’s waiting arms.

“I saw this hanging out of his bag and put two and two together.”

I smiled. Damien’s little fingers curled around the stuffed animal instantly, his expression relaxing into a peaceful smile.

It was a moment of pure tenderness, and seeing Alex so attentive and caring left me breathless.

A sense of peace and security that I hadn’t experienced in a long time surrounded me.

Alex stood up, his gaze lingering on Damien for a moment longer before turning to me. “He’s going to be okay,” he said softly, his voice filled with reassurance.

I nodded, unable to speak as the warmth and love that filled this little room overwhelmed me. Alex had created a sanctuary for Damien, a place where he could feel safe and cherished. And in doing so, he had given me a glimpse of the caring, compassionate man he truly was.

Alex pulled the door shut, making sure it closed softly. “Cole must’ve worn him out with that third piece of pizza,” he said with a soft chuckle. “Who knew he could manage that much?”

I wrapped my hands around his neck the moment he turned around, forcing his head to dip down to mine. “Alex,” I moaned.

He pushed me against the wall. “God. I need you so fucking badly.”

We melded into one. I wanted to ravish him. I wanted to taste every single part of him, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit that I was also fucking terrified.

“I’ve never... been with anyone,” I managed to say between breaths.

He slowly pulled away from me.

“My ex doesn’t count. That wasn’t . . .”

“Mmmm.” He lifted me, grabbing me by the back of my thighs, and walked me to the end of the hallway, pushing open the door. “You told me at the bar, malyshka, that you want to learn everything?”

I blushed as he walked into a bedroom as stark as the furniture in the front room. “Yeah,” I murmured, resting my forehead against his. “There’s so much I’ve missed and want to experience.” I sighed as he lowered me onto the edge of his bed. “Is this silly?” I asked as he sat beside me.

“I want to know every part of you, Anastasia. Even the secrets buried deep inside that no one else knows.”

“I have this... fear.” I huffed out a laugh. “No. I mean, I have a lot of fears, but this one is kind of embarrassing.”

A smirk spread across his face. “You should never feel ashamed around me.” He paused, grazing his finger along my jaw, guiding my gaze to meet his. “Tell me.”

“I just—” I sighed, taking a deep breath.

“I feel like so much was taken from me, and there’s still so much I want to explore.

I think part of the reason I never committed to anyone was because I was terrified they’d be the only person I’d ever really experience.

I want to sleep around, which seems absurd because I also want to be committed to someone.

I want to fall in love, I want a family, but my brain also craves this other thing. ”

“Tell me what sleeping around means to you,” he asked, his tone curious and nonjudgmental.

“I don’t want to be unhealthy about it, but I want to be with someone I think who’s adventurous. I want to watch other people have sex. I want the safety of being with one person, but I also want to figure out what else I like... together. I want to?—”

“Explore,” Alex finished.

I nodded. “After Dimitri took away that control from me in our marriage, this curiosity developed. At first it freaked me out that I was going completely opposite of what I had in the past, but I learned that it’s normal for women who’ve been victims of domestic violence.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

“I want to take control over my sexuality because Dimitri took it away from me. I want that power back. I want to feel strong, and it’s taken me this long to even vocalize that I have parts of me that feel unfulfilled and curious.”

“What parts?”

“I’ve always wanted to have a threesome, maybe with another girl, to see if I like that. I don’t know. I know this makes me feel and sound like such a whore?—”

“No.” He shook his head. “What we’re not going to do is call you and your sexual desires whorish.”

I looked down at his marble floors in shame.

He lifted my chin. “This is normal, Anastasia. It’s completely normal to want to sexually explore within the safety of your partner. He took that power away from you. Take it back, malyshka.”

Tears welled in my eyes.

“I want to be with you, and I’d like to explore with you. I want to show you that there’s safety in sexual exploration, and be there while you figure out what you desire.”

“You don’t think I’m weird?”

He shook his head. “Not at all.”

“I want to be with a partner though. I don’t want to share your love. I want to explore it with... you.” My voice quieted as I waited for his response.

“I’ll be there every step. You’re mine.”

I rubbed my hands against my thighs, nerves firing under my skin. “Would you be jealous if I wanted to hook up with another woman? Or with another man? I need to know these things to feel comfortable about us going into this.”

He paused, and I watched him take in my words, the way he always did when he wanted to make sure he gave me a clear answer.

I knew why I needed this from him—my ex had left me second-guessing everything, always making me feel like I was walking on eggshells.

It wasn’t fair to demand such a clear-cut answer from him, to put the weight of my past doubts and insecurities on his shoulders.

But I couldn’t help it; I needed things spelled out in black and white, no room for misinterpretation.

It wasn’t about testing him but about feeling safe enough to drop the guard I’d built up over the years.

“I wouldn’t be jealous if you were with a woman and I was also participating. I’d be jealous if you wanted to be with a man or woman alone, but a group scene is something I’m okay with.”

I nodded frantically, trying to make sense of it all. “I think I feel the same way.” I confessed. “I couldn’t imagine you with another woman separately, but together, that’s what I want to explore.” I paused before admitting the truth. “I-I think I’m nervous.”

Blush crept on his cheeks. “Me too.”

“You have so much more sexual experience. You obviously weren’t waiting for me.”

He shook his head while his hands came up to mine. “No. But I think I always was. I was chasing a feeling I don’t think I could have reached.”

“What if you hate it with me?” I asked, and he huffed out a laugh.

“I could never.” His lips grazed mine as he gently slid one hand up and down my thigh. “Now tell me, malyshka, tell me what you want from me.”

I closed my eyes and silently gave myself a pep talk. I could do this. I was in control. I wanted this more than anything. Seeing how Alex cared for me and Damien turned me on more than I ever imagined.

There was no doubt I wanted this, but I wasn’t exactly sure how or what I wanted.

“Don’t think.” His raspy tone begged as we sat on the side of his king-sized bed.

“Don’t think,” I repeated, and he nodded. “Then I want you on your knees between my thighs.”

“Yes, malyshka. That is my good girl, ” he groaned and got off the bed, dropping to his knees in front of me.

I ran my fingers through his hair as his green eyes locked with mine. “Fuck,” I moaned, instinctively moving my hips back and forth as Alex’s hands explored my calves, moving up my jeans.