Page 97 of When Ben Loved Jace

“I wish you didn’t have to leave,” she says. “This was too short a visit.”

“I’ll make sure we come back soon,” I assure her, already comfortable around his whole crew. I wouldn’t mind staying longer.

“For the holidays,” she suggests before reconsidering. “Although I’m sure your family would like to see you then too.”

“Maybe we can manage both somehow. Either that, or we’ll start alternating from year to year.”

This seems to amuse her. “You’re already planning that far ahead?”

“Oh yeah! I’m in it for the long haul. Or as long as your son will have me. I’m madly in love with him.”

His mother smiles at this news. “I was so happy when Jace told me about you. There were times that I worried he would never bounce back.”

I shake my head in confusion. “From what?”

“Victor.”

“Oh. He dated other guys after him though. I’m not the first.”

Her face becomes drawn. “True, but it broke his heart when—”

“That’s enough,” Jace says, stepping outside to join us. The sliding glass door is open so the cats can come and go. He pets the one sitting on his mother’s lap before looking at me, his expression guarded. “Let’s go for a walk.”

I stare a second before nodding. “Okay.”

His mother seems concerned. She reaches up to pat Jace’s cheek. He kisses the top of her head and whispers something in her ear. When he turns to me, he seems more like his usual self, but there’s an air of gravitas as we descend the deck steps and walk to the lowest part of the valley. The slope leads to a small lake. Jace stops there to stare at a rickety old dock.

“I guess you made a lot of memories out here, huh?” I prompt.

“Yes,” he says with a swallow. Then he forces a smile. “I went skinny-dipping in that lake. You can guess whose idea that was.”

“Victor?”

“Uh-huh. I’d never done anything like that before. If I had, I would have realized it was much too cold out. We ended up running back to his clearing, my clothes soaking up the water, because we didn’t have a towel. Everything he did was spontaneous. Victor made me strip down and get in his sleeping bag while he started a fire. Then he joined me. That was…” Jace exhales and shakes his head, as if overwhelmed. “That was my first time.”

He checks myreaction to this.

I’m smiling. “That’s so romantic!”

“It was nice,” he admits. Then his eyes move to the undeveloped woods that hug one side of the lake. “Do you want to keep going?”

“Yeah.” I take his hand. “I want to know everything. When you’re ready to tell me.”

Once we’re beneath a canopy of orange and yellow leaves, he takes a deep breath. “Years later, when I came here because Greg was worried, Victor was a real mess. I told you about his mother?”

“Yeah. She had Alzheimer’s and needed to be hospitalized.”

“Exactly. Victor had moved in to take care of her. That’s where he still was, even after she was placed in long-term care. He wasn’t doing well without her. The power had been shut off, the curtains were pulled, and there wasn’t anything to eat. I found him sitting in the dark. He seemed like he’d hit bottom, so I did what I could. I got him cleaned up. I took him to see his mom. I paid overdue bills so the utilities were turned back on. I made sure he ate. Samson too. The poor little guy was starving. I couldn’t stay though. I was still finishing college and had just blown through all of my savings. So I asked Bernie for help. He gave Victor a job and would stop by to check on him, always bringing food, so he’d have something to eat. By the time I left town, I thought everything was going to be okay. And for a while, it was.” Jace’s hand clenches my own. “Then he went missing.”

We enter a small clearing. Jace stops at the edge. He shakes me off suddenly and rushes over to a pile of debris in the leaves. I’m puzzled when he attempts to lift this, but as he does, it’s revealed to be a flat structure—rows of branches tied together by rotting twine like a primitive raft. No longer able to support its own weight, Jace’s efforts cause it to break in half. He lets go with a sigh.

“This used to be a special place,” he says, his voice raw when he turns to face me.

“This is where Victor lived?”

“Yeah. And where I came out to Greg, and slept with Victor, and so much more. We danced naked around the fire. He used to read poetry to me.”

My boyfriend is in pain. That much is obvious, but I don’t know what I can do to make him feel better. “We can rebuild it together,” I suggest.