Page 27 of When Ben Loved Jace

Chapter Six

Almost two weeks pass before I get to see Jace again. We stay in touch during the interim, talking on the phone and sharing little details of what we did each day. On one occasion, we even got off together. And while this keeps the river flowing, it also feels like treading water. I’m glad we’re together again, so we can see where the tide takes us.

I don’t have classes today. Jace picked me up at home, although we didn’t manage to leave for another hour, both of us too horny to wait. I’ve got him for the whole weekend. I plan on taking advantage of every opportunity. He took me out for lunch, which was nice. And we stopped by the clinic to have our blood drawn. Now we’re at a history museum. He’s surprisingly knowledgeable on a wide range of subjects. Although some are so universal that they don’t require an explanation.

Such as the muscular marble bust I’m staring at now. The raised chest and round shoulders transport me right back to senior year of high school. I must stare a little too long because Jace circles around it, studying me instead of the sculpture.

“Someone you know?” he asks.

I press my lips together and nod. Obviously the bust isn’t of Tim. But it might as well be.

“I keep trying to figure out if there were two people,” Jace says, holding up an index finger on each hand before bringing them together, “or one.”

“Just one.”

“An artistandan athlete?”

I nod again before slumping. “It was a deadly combination. I didn’t stand a chance.” I shake my head as if to clear it. “Now ifyou’dbeen around back when I was in high school…”

“I wish I was,” he says. “How about a recap on what I missed?”

He keeps asking, and I did promise. As we continue exploring the museum, I do my best to sum up nine of the most intense months of my life, not skimping on any of the details, no matter how embarrassing. The obsessive behavior that bordered on stalking, the party at Tim’s house that I crashed, all the secret moments we spent together, the girl he took to prom, me singingan angry anthem to him at the talent show… I share all of this while being mindful of Jace’s feelings, but he seems to take it in stride, his expression sympathetic for my plight. By the time I’ve finished, we’re on a different floor, my legs sore from walking so much.

“After I left his house that night, I never saw him again.”

“Hmm…” Jace responds.

“Really?” I furrow my brow in disbelief. “I’ve just shared my teenage trauma with you, and all you can say ishmm?”

He smiles, already knowing me well enough to tell when I’m being facetious. “I definitely feel for you. And for him.”

“Forhim?” Now I’m not kidding. “He literally threw me out with the garbage!”

Jace nods at a bench that faces tall windows, snow drifting down outside. I sit angled toward him, eager for his explanation.

“Being in the closet isn’t easy,” he says. “Keep in mind that it drove me to attempt suicide. And I have loving parents. They supported me in everything and were always there emotionally. Tim wasn’t so lucky.”

“No. I suppose you’re right.” I sniff. “Welp! I guess I’ve been wrong this whole time. If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go get back together with him.”

I start to stand.

Jace grabs my wrist and pulls me back down. “On theotherhand, him choosing Krista over you was unacceptable. Even if just to appease his mother’s prom night expectations. You were dedicated to each other at that point. He knew that you loved him, and he did it anyway. I know how much that can hurt.”

“You do?”

He nods with a grimace.

“Wait, was Victor a cheater?”

Jace sighs. “He would tell you that he was all things while also being nothing. No limits. That was his motto. He didn’t like labels or believe in titles. He let me call him my boyfriend, but Victor wasn’t the kind of person who liked being boxed in. I was aware of that from the beginning. We weren’t in a committed relationship, so no, he didn’t cheat. But much like Tim, he knew how much I loved him. He could always see right through me, so he must have realized—” Jace hesitates. “Sorry, I’ve already let this subject dominate far too many of our conversations.”

“I love learning about you,” I assure him. “Don’t hold back!”

He searches my eyes before nodding. “There was this girl, Star, who had known Victor for years. She was a lot of things to him. His ex, his friend, his lover… He never kept her a secret. Victor was always open about everything. He introduced us and told me their history. I tried not to like her, but that was impossible, because it was such a relief to have someone I could compare notes with. Just because Victor was open, doesn’t mean that he was easy to understand. He was always different around her though. Star lived in the city. Sometimes he’d go to stay with her, which struck me as odd, because you couldn’t get any farther away from nature. I think the alternative culture there appealed to him. So he’d go on these benders of modern life, as I came to think of them, which to me seemed like the antithesis of who he was. We were deep into our relationship, toward the very end, when he disappeared for two weeks. I searched everywhere. The trailer, the lean-to in the woods, his mother’s house, the freight container… I couldn’t find him.”

Jace’s troubled gaze moves to the weather outside. “Summer was steadily approaching, so I didn’t worry about him freezing to death. But he might have gotten injured somewhere out in the woods or so lost he couldn’t find his way back. Anyway, half a month later, he shows up at my front door with a T-shirt he’d bought as a gift for me. It turns out Victor had been on a tour of different countries with Star the whole time.”

“Wait, what?”