Page 152 of When Ben Loved Jace

As for my man, he still gets a little morose on occasion. “I talked to Adrien before we left town,” Jace says, tearing off a pinch of bread and throwing it to one of the shyer ducks in the back. “I went to his office.”

“What for?” I ask in surprise. He doesn’t go many places these days. Not alone.

“To make sure everything is taken care of.” Jace’s eyes flick to mine. “Just in case.”

“Well I hope you left the fortune cookie collection to me in your will,” I reply drolly. “It’s the only reason I married you.”

A smile tugs at his cheek. “You get everything, don’t worry. That wasn’t my main concern. I left instructions, so you’ll know what to do after I’m gone. I don’t want to be buried in a box underground.”

I take out my annoyance on a piece of bread by ripping it into shreds. “That’s probably for the best, since they won’t be able to pry me off of your cold dead body. Now would you please let it rest? You aren’t going to die!”

“You know the odds,” he says softly. “If I suffer another rupture, especially before I’ve recovered from the first, I’m not likely to pull through. Even if I do, after all of the inevitable complications, who will I be then?”

“My husband,” I reply, trying to set my frustration aside… along with the subject. “Watch this. Mana from heaven!”

I shower the ducks in white bread confetti. They go wild.

Jace watches the flurry of activity. I study his pensive face.

“I’d be with Victor again,” he says. “One way or another. Remember that, because I don’t want you to be sad.”

I roll my eyes. “Sorry, but ‘til death do us part wasnotone of our vows. Whenever you do die—hopefully a very long time from now—you’ll still be mine. You don’t get to have hot ghost sex with your ex-boyfriend. There’s no harem of virgins waiting for you on the other side, Jace. I’ve got my own lawyer. He’s a gay poltergeist who will make sure you uphold your side of the bargain. Don’t mess with me on this. Divorce court is especially bad in the afterlife. In fact, I’ve heard it can beHell.”

He laughs. “I want you to be happy. That’s all I’m trying to say. Speaking of which, when you feel ready… If you happen to meet someone—”

“That’s enough!” I snap, cutting him off. “You’ve spent the past two weeks planning for the worst. Dying is just one possibility. What if you live? How about our future together? Why aren’t you focusing on that?”

“Because it’s almost scarier to think about,” he says with a croak. “What if I still feel the way I do now? I’m always tired,and my memory is shot. My career as a flight attendant is over.” He swallows and shakes his head. “I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

I scoot closer, setting aside the loaf of bread. “You could always work in a darkroom developing photos.”

“What?”

“That way you won’t have to deal with light sensitivity and nobody will notice if you nod off. And who needs a good memory with so many photos around?”

He looks at me incredulously. “Is that even a job anymore?”

I snort. “Probably not. Personally, I’m cool with you being my stay-at-home love slave, but I understand that you need a sense of purpose. What else did you want to be when growing up?”

“A nurse,” he says. “Can you put me through medical school?”

“I’ll start saving. What else?”

He thinks about it while watching the ducks jostle for position. “I’ve always loved animals. When I was younger, I avoided that kind of thing because I didn’t want to see them suffer.”

“What do you mean?”

“Veterinarians have to deal with emotionally difficult situations. I didn’t feel like I could handle it, but after having gone through my recent ordeal… I have a newfound respect for all the doctors and nurses who are able to stomach that kind of work. Through their resilience they alleviate suffering. I wouldn’t mind returning the favor.” He takes a deep breath and sighs. “We’re back to the same issue. The last thing either of us needs is another student loan.”

“No, but you could volunteer.”

Jace shakes his head. “That won’t pay the bills.”

“So what? I want you to be happy. I plan on keeping my jobs. I like both of them. If you being able to volunteer at an animal shelter means we have to sell the house, then so be it. We can park the trailer in Adrien’s driveway again, or better yet, in Greg and Michelle’s backyard. You know they'd let us. We’ll offer to babysit their kids whenever they want. We’ll be the best uncles ever!”

Jace smiles. “I like that idea. There’s only one flaw. If we’re hogging the trailer, where is Jason going to live after we adopt him?”

“You mean foster him,” I correct.