Page 28 of When Ben Loved Jace

“Yeah. My wild boy in the woods, who couldn’t even sleep in a trailer with the door shut, had a fuckingpassportand used it to go jet-setting across the ocean. And then he came back with a stupid souvenir probably made by child labor in a shitty factory when…”

Jace takes a deep breath and exhales again. I’ve never seen him lose his cool before. I don’t think I’ve even heard him cuss until now.

“This was the guy who had whittled a lion out of fallen wood so he’d have something to give me for Christmas. I couldn’t imagine him buying anything. I’m sure it was her money, but still. He used to callmea dandy.” Jace glances over self-consciously. “His uh… nickname for me was dandy lion actually, because, well, you saw my hair.”

“Aww! That’s so cute! And I had no idea that he was such a bastard.”

“Neither did I, which is why I cut my hair after he came back. Greg buzzed it off for me.”

“So that’s how things ended between you and Victor?”

“It was the final straw. I had offers from a few different colleges, who were awaiting my response. I chose one that would take me far away from him. From the sound of things, you know the feeling.”

“Yeah.”

Jace sighs. “In retrospect, considering how everything played out, I’m glad he got to see more of the world. Although I still don’t understand how he ever justified such a trip in his own mind. Victor would probably chalk it up to his ‘no limits’ philosophy. He was infuriating. And I loved him for it.”

I don’t feel jealous. It helps to have someone like that in my own past. Hell, I was parked outside of Tim’s house not long ago, but that doesn’t mean I want him back.

“Do you ever wish you could see him again?” I ask.

Jace is quiet for a long time before he answers. “I’m in no rush.” He loops an arm around my waist and pulls me close, my butt sliding along the bench. “Especially now.”

“Me neither.” I rest my head on his shoulder as we sit there watching snowflakes loop lazily on the wind before flying off to places we cannot follow.

— — —

I’m starting to see why Jace’s career gets in the way of his romantic relationships. The more my feelings develop for him, the more I want to see him, which is natural. Except that he’s often on the other side of the country. Occasionally he’ll touch down again, but never long enough to visit me, so I decide to go to him. The only catch is that returning to my hometown comes with the obligation to see my parents. Oh sure, I could simply not tell them that I was in the area, but I can already imagine the hurt on my mother’s face if we pulled up to the same stoplight. Or how wounded my father would be if I accidentally let it slip somehow. Jace is a good sport when I explain all of this to him.

“I’m just happy I get to see you,” he says over the phone.

So we take one more step toward a serious relationship, because I never introduced the guys I date to my parents. Notsince high school. Jace does great, of course. He shows up with a bouquet of flowers for my mom and a bottle of booze for my dad. They aren’t alone either. Karen had stopped by their house earlier and decided to stick around out of curiosity. I love my older sister, but she’s always had an acidic tongue that hasn’t mellowed with age. I didn’t have a chance to warn Jace about her. He’s completely unprepared when, after introductions are made, she sizes us up.

“You’re too tall,” she says to Jace matter-of-factly, “and Ben has always been too short. You look ridiculous together. Like you belong in a freak show.”

Jace smiles pleasantly, and without a trace of animosity, responds with, “That’s all right. It’s always good to have another source of income to fall back on.”

Karen rolls her eyes in response, although I detect grudging respect. By the time we leave, Jace has them all thoroughly charmed.

“He’s gorgeous!” my mom whispers discreetly.

“Jace seems like a fine upstanding gentleman to me,” my dad says with a nod of approval.

“You could do worse,” Karen weighs in.

Coming from her, that’s high praise indeed.

All of this, of course, makes me love him more. I’m not saying I’minlove with Jace, but only because some ridiculous part of me demands restraint. It doesn’t help that the last guy I felt that way about never said it back. Besides, there are other ways of expressing how much I like him, which I passionately employ once we’re alone in his trailer. It’s a good night. I just wish it could have continued the next day.

When I wake up, I’m alone. Mostly. A purring cat is sitting next to my pillow while staring at me. I rub his head affectionately before getting up and discover a note on the kitchenette counter.

Good morning, Ben! Please feed Samson when you wake up. And yourself. If you need anything, just let Greg know. -J

He doodled a cat next to his words, which is little more than a smiley face with pointed ears and whiskers. Very basic. That’s fine with me. I’d be traumatized if Jace revealed a secret talent at this point. I open a can of wet food for Samson, the fishy smell making my eyes water. Then I pour myself a bowl of cereal before checking the fridge. No milk. The coffee pot is empty too. I couldstop by my parents’ house again on the way out of town, or make the three-hour drive home on an empty stomach. Or…

I move one of the curtains aside to check on the house across the yard, which looks especially luxurious at the moment. Of all the charming features in the trailer, the shower stall and toilet combination is not among them. I get dressed in yesterday’s clothing and hurry across frozen ground to knock on the back door. I’m wondering if I should circle around to the front and ring the bell when it finally swings open.

“Ben! My man! What can I do for you?”