Page 57 of When Ben Loved Jace

“I’m happy with the choices I’ve made,” I assure him. “Had he changed much?”

“Victor?” Jace breathes out. “Seeing him on a college campus made itseemlike things had changed. As if he had moved on to new things. But no. Ultimately, after the shock wore off, I discovered he was still very much the same. All the reasons we couldn’t be together still remained.”

“That’s the problem with Tim,” I say, pushing myself upon an elbow. “He came out. And he’s actually in touch with his feelings. I think he was before, mostly through his art, but now he talks openly about everything.”

“Including his feelings for you?” Jace asks without venom.

“A little, yeah. He hasn’t said that he loves me or anything crazy like that. But he apologized for what happened in high school. He regrets it. Tim ended up dating a guy who’s closeted, so he knows firsthand what he put me through. It’s like he did all the growing that I needed him to, but now there’s no point because…”

“We’re together,” Jace finishes for me.

“I don’t regret that. At all! I’m so glad we found each other. I love you! But it’s still kind of annoying that Tim has made so much progress. Just imagine, when Victor reappeared, if he had a scholarship, his own dorm room, and a career path all lined up.”

Jace is quiet for a moment. Then he laughs. “I honestly can’t. But I understand what you’re getting at. In my case, I was able to indulge in some nostalgia before being reminded that nothing had changed, whereas Tim is an entirely new person.”

“Or more like who I always wanted him to be,” I say with a tight throat.

“Maybe I should take some time off,” Jace suggests.

I shake my head. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to cheat.”

“Not because of him. I’ll take time off foryou. I feel like you need me right now.”

“I do,” I admit, already on the verge of tears, because even the offer fills me with relief. “I know how busy you are though.”

“I will be during the summer,” Jace says. “Especially when tourist season starts. But you’ll be out of school by then and can travel with me.”

“Really?”

He smiles and nods.

As for me, I cry a little while kissing him, because he’s so damn sweet. Forget what could have been. The path to get here wasn’t always easy, but I ended up with the right man. I’m happy for Tim… but I’m grateful for Jace.

Chapter Thirteen

The words on the page seem to blur. I rub my eyes and check my notes, which are just as difficult to read as the textbook. The haste in which I was scribbling is to blame for that. I recently decided my thesis dragged in the middle while getting repetitive, so I scrapped that part and am scrambling to replace the entire section. I really need to interview Eric, since he’s living history. I’m not certain when I’ll have time for that. Nor am I sure about the changes I’ve committed to. Maybe this was a bad idea. I try in vain to reread what I’ve written, too fried to tell good from bad.

My phone vibrates, the distraction more than welcome. Especially when I see that it’s a message from Jace.

Where’s my boyfriend? It’s getting late. Time to come home. I ordered Thai food.

My heart swells. My stomach is happy too, because he’s right. I’ve been cooped up in the university library for longer than I realized. We exchange a few texts. He’s waiting at my place, which I find exceedingly romantic. I gave him a key. He already trusted me with his. I like the implied commitment, akin to exchanging rings. I’d be up for that as well, because Jace being in town has changed everything for the better. I get to drink my fill of him each night, knowing that he’ll still be there in the morning and the following days. It also helps that, between going to work, struggling to finish my thesis, and having plans with my boyfriend, I haven’t seen Tim. The break has done wonders for me. No more divided heart. I’m back on track.

After gathering my things, I hurry across the campus, eager to get home to my man. I’ve just reached my car when another notification comes through. After tossing my bookbag in the back, I pull out my phone, expecting a flirtatious text. The smile falters on my face.

I hope you still like pineapple on your pizza.

The message is from Tim!

What do you mean?I shoot back. When this doesn’t elicit a reply, I try again.I already have plans for dinner.

Still no response. He’s not really on his way to my apartment with a pizza, is he? Wait… What if he’s there already? Shit!

I dive into my car and almost rear-end someone when pullingout. They honk and yell. I wait for them to get over it and out of my way. I’m tempted to abandon my car completely and run, because I can't imagine what will happen if… Allison! She can play referee until I get there. I check her location on my phone. She’s on the other side of town. Great!

A pothole pulls my attention back to the road. I toss my phone aside and focus on getting home as quickly as possible. I can’t imagine Jace and Tim alone together. Now ifIwas there sandwiched between them, that would be a different story, one I’ve fantasized about a few times already. My heart might not be divided, but another part of me has all sorts of ideas.

I run a red light and ignore some stop signs. When reaching my apartment building, I park askew and bolt from the car. After bursting through the front door, I see the two greatest loves of my life facing each other in front of the kitchen table, like a couple exchanging vows. Jace’s arms are crossed. Tim is standing up straighter than usual, trying to make himself taller. They both look to me as I skid to a halt.