Page 116 of When Ben Loved Jace

“My days of fame are behind me,” I say jokingly.

Brian’s expression remains earnest. “I’m working on a musical right now. You’d be perfect as the lead.”

I snort. “No way. I couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not an actor.”

“But you emote so well. I just saw it.”

Allison nods. “He’s the kind of guy who will cry when singing a sad song. It’s really sweet.”

“Yeah,” I splutter, “but I’m not going to do that in public!”

“But you could,” she replies. “If you chose to. You don’t get stage fright.”

“Well, no, but…”

“The play is a sung-through,” Brian says. “Think of it more as a musical performance than an acting gig.”

“Do it, Ben!” Allison insists. “It would be so fun! I’d say yes in a heartbeat if I had the time.Especiallyif I was offered the lead.”

“It’s yours,” Brian says. “There are two leads.”

She shakes her head. “My schedule wouldn’t allow it. But I know someone who doesn’t have that problem.”

She’s right. I have a little too much free time on my hands. Especially with Jace being out of town so much. Regardless… Me, the lead in a play? I never imagined that sort of thing, even for fun.

“At the very least,” Brian says, seeming to sense my hesitation, “would you be willing to help me workshop the production? I can compose on the piano, but I can’t sing well. I could really use your help.”

Allison’s eyes are pleading with me. Because she likes him, or wants this for me, or some combination of the two. Either way, I consider the stage again, unable to deny how enchanting it feels to be up here, and find myself nodding.

— — —

I really like Brian. His humility is one of his greatest assets. Without the pressure to impress or compete, I find it easy to be myself around him. Right from the beginning. While working with him on the new play, I’ve noticed he has that effect on other people as well. Even when he provides critical feedback, it doesn’t feel judgmental, because he’s right there with you, trying to figure out the best way to do things. Which is really saying something. The man is knowledgeable and talented. I’m incredibly impressed by the concept he came up with for a musical.

The story is about two friends, one who is a serial matchmaker, the other—played by yours truly—her perpetual project. The clever twist is that my theme remains mostly consistent throughout the production. It’s the other singers—my love interests—who change the anthem through their accompaniment. So on a really bad date, the sound is discordant. Or on another where we get into an argument, the tempo picks up furiously. Brian switches to a minor key to bring the mood down when I’m paired with someone who is still heartbroken from the last guy. He saves the best for the end of the play. My character, frustrated by being pressured into so many dates, confronts his best friend. The big reveal is that she’s so fond of him that she can’t stand to see him remain single. He, in turn, fails to be impressed by anyone because they never compare to her. So we finally sing a duet together, and while it has the potential to be beautiful, I’ve been struggling with pulling it off.

Regardless, working on the production has been a pleasure. I like having a creative outlet. Before casting was settled, Allison stopped by on occasion, playing opposite me in many of the roles. I’m glad she’s not the other lead though. A story about two best friends who are secretly in love doesn’t exactly resonate with us. Especially when she’s so crazy about Brian. He treats Allison well, always listening attentively when she speaks and never treating her as anything but his top priority, no matter how busy he might be. He’s just as affectionate with her as he is respectful. I was kidding when I told her to marry him, but I honestly wouldn’t mind. I reallyreallylike Brian. Which sucks, because I’m going to have to burn his theater down.

Or maybe I’ll just murder him to avoid hurting anyone else. Although thatwouldbreak Allison’s heart. Is it too late to get into a horrific car accident on my way to opening night? I mean, I’ve already arrived, but if I make an excuse, like needing to pick up dry cleaning in the middle of the night and ram my car into the nearest brick wall…

“You doing all right?” Brian asks, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m fine!” I snarl in return.

Like someone realizing the dog they were petting might be rabid, he carefully withdraws his hand. “Because it’s completely normal to have pre-show jitters. We could do some breathing exercises together.”

“Do you have a paper bag on you?” I respond. “I think I’m about to hyperventilate. Does that count as a breathing exercise? Ha ha ha! Um… I have to go pick up my dry cleaning.”

Brian glances around uneasily. “Maybe we should get Allison back here.”

“YES! She knows the part. We can dress her up like me. Why can’t it be a lesbian love story? That’s so much better.”

“Five minutes,” the stage manager says when walking past us.

“I never even considered the idea,” Brian says, his face creasing. “Does the world really need another heterosexual love story? Written by a white man no less.” His eyes widen as he considers me. “And look who I cast as the lead!”