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CHAPTER FIVE

I wipe my face free of my tears, knocking my glasses to the floor. I reach for them, tucking them into my apron before pushing myself up off the floor. I go to the sink, grabbing a paper towel to clean my face. That night has been on replay in my head like a favorite movie. I find myself using everything we did that night—all the different ways he took me, how he praised me, whispered the sweetest things in my ear, and fucked me senseless—when I’m feeling extra lonely at night. I try to recall the good memories between Thatcher and me, but now that I’ve seen him, his words from the following day come back tenfold. Each one is like being hit square in the face by a puck, and he’s the one shooting them right at me.

I shake my head, swallowing back the emotion that is threatening to suffocate me. I reach into my apron, pulling out my concealer and powder to reapply what I cried off. Just as I’m finishing, a knock comes to the door.

“Maria, are you good? We’re getting busy.”

I close my eyes at the sound of Raven’s voice. She’s a sweet girl, but she doesn’t handle crowds well. Meanwhile, I can serve the whole diner on my own. I am well aware I didn’t go to college for four years to be a waitress, but it’s an honest living.

“I’m coming.”

“Thanks, girl.”

I open my eyes, looking at my reflection as I blow out a breath. I bite into my lip as I muster the courage to go out there. I know he hasn’t left. He won’t until he speaks to me, and I don’t know what he is going to say. Will he apologize? Will he beg me to come home? I can’t help but wonder if he’s called my parents yet. Are they on their way? Am I about to be ambushed? I have a feeling he hasn’t, though. Not yet. He’ll want to smooth things over with me first, which will give me time to hightail it out of here.

A new round of tears burns my eyes at the thought. I’ll be leaving Ruby, and it’ll break her. I have money saved up; I can relocate, but I won’t have Ruby. Once more, I’ll be leaving behind someone I love. Can I do that a second time? I always thought when I left Ruby, it’d be to go home. And maybe I should. Maybe it’s time. I’ve been gone long enough, and in all honesty, I should face the music.

But the guilt of doing that is so overwhelming, I clutch my chest as I lean into the sink. Damn it, maybe I should just run now. Everyone already thinks I’m a coward. Why not live up to their opinion of me? I press my lips together, squeezing my eyes shut. I miss my mom and dad so much. I miss Ingrid even more. I missed her graduation, which only leaves me with more shame. She’s a freshman in college, and she’s thriving. I can’t even begin to explain how many times I’ve picked up my phone to check in on her. Instead, I relied on her social media to watch her. Each time she posts, my heart aches for her. I fucked everything up because I know she’s mad at Thatcher for my leaving. She hasn’t posted anything of him since I left, and there used to be a photo of her in his jersey at least once a month.

The guilt is devastating.

I clean my glasses free of tears and head out. Raven was right; the diner is packed. I’m thankful. It allows me to focus on everything but him.

A total lie.

Even as I bust my ass to get everyone served, my eyes keep drifting to check on him. He has a half-eaten Dutch baby in front of him, and so do his two buddies. I’m pretty sure one of them is Owen Adler, but I don’t know the other. I’m glad Thatcher’s with Owen. That means our friend group is still intact, even though I left. It doesn’t ease my self-reproach, but it does please me. I don’t want him to be alone. I want him to thrive, just as I had assumed I would. Instead, I’ve been living in the past, trying to figure out what to do next. Going through the motions of life and not moving forward.

Yes, I’ve grown. I had to. I went from having everything at my disposal and working because I loved being a physical therapist to working because I have to. While I was raised with money, I know how to work for what I want. My dad didn’t have anywhere near the money my mom did when he met her. See, Mom, she comes from old, old money. The kind that is so disgustingly excessive, you can’t help but gawk at it. She always told me, though, “It’s old money, but it’s mine to grow and make new for when it’s yours.”

My mom is the most generous person I know. She donates to so many charitable funds and is on the board of the IceCats Foundation with Thatcher’s mom. They did the same back in Russia when they were younger. They may have been born into wealth, but they give back just as much. Thatcher’s parents had a prenup, and even though everyone pleaded with my mom to get a prenup with my dad, she refused. She said her heart knew he was hers.

She was right, and I always thought I’d have what they have.

I press my teeth into my bottom lip as I glance over my shoulder to where Thatcher sits with his phone in his big hands. He’s typing, and my stomach drops. Are my parents on their way? I know if I take off, though, he’ll only follow me. I glance out the wide windows to see if there is an army of men waiting, but the parking lot is just full of cars. He’s the only one here, hopefully.

I clear my throat free of emotion as I start slinging hash browns and loads of bacon. Everyone wants bacon today.

Raven hands me three plates of sausage, bacon, and eggs and points over her shoulder. “Maria, can you take this to booth six? I can’t be distracted by the one guy. He’s thirsty as fuck.”

My hands start to shake. Six is Thatcher’s booth. I can do this. If I go over like I don’t know him, maybe it’ll confuse him. Yes, great plan. I grab the plates with a grin. “Can you blame him? You’re stunning.”

She waves me off. “Stop. We both know you’re Red Ruby’s hottie.”

I snort at that as I move around the counter and to the table. I smile at customers, asking if they’re doing well so I don’t stare at the booth I’m going to. I can feel his gaze on me, the tickling at the back of my neck making it really hard to take in air.

“Hey, Maria. Can I get a refill?” Old man Jeb says, and I grin over at him. He’s a regular, a truck driver who stops by every week.

“Yeah, one second. Let me drop this off, and I’ll grab the pot.”

He flashes me an appreciative, toothy grin before I make my way to the booth, acting as if my heart is trying to come out of my chest. “Okay, boys. Here we go.” I set the plates down, looking everywhere but at him.

Owen looks up at me, his blue eyes kind, and my heart squeezes. I wonder how Angie is. I know they’re still together and that she is pregnant right now. I have the urge to ask if she still has the succulents I got her, but I’m sure she does. She has one hell of a green thumb, and man, I miss her. I wonder if she misses me. Damn it.

I swallow hard, but before I can walk away, Owen asks, “Do you have a sister?”

I balk at his question. “Sorry?” I ask, changing my voice to be a bit throatier and not as smooth as it usually is.

“I’m only asking because you look exactly like our friend Audrina.”

“Nope, I don’t have a sister,” I somehow get out as I plaster on a fake grin. “But I do get that people think they know me. It must be my OnlyFans.”

I’m totally joking, but they don’t need to know that. Like I wanted, Owen chokes on his OJ, while the other guy grins widely. He must play for the IceCats, too, because he’s built like a damn bull. All lethal muscle but designed for speed. He holds my gaze as he asks, “Can I get your handle?”

I force a snort, grinning back at him. Raven was right. The way he is looking at me, he is very thirsty. “Maybe.” I tap the table. “Enjoy. Raven will be back in a few.”

But before I can even lift my hand from the table, a large hand wraps around my wrist, stopping me dead in my tracks. I gawk at where Thatcher has my wrist in his hold before looking up to see his face turned up to mine. He throws off his hat then his glasses, and as his eyes bore into mine, my whole body burns. He swallows hard, his eyes searching mine, and all I can do is stand there, locked in his gaze, at his mercy.

I’m such an idiot.

I thought I had this under control, but I’m the fool who brought a knife to a gunfight.

“Audrina,” he whispers, and my stomach drops at the rawness of my name on his lips. His eyes shine, and I can’t move or say a thing.

I shake my head. “No, my name is Maria.”

“Yes, Audrina Maria Hawkins.”

My stomach twists in on itself, my whole body breaking out in gooseflesh as I hold his gaze. He clears his throat but doesn’t move or say another word. Instead, Owen says, “I don’t think it’s her.”

“It is. I know her, don’t I, Audrina?”

My stomach clenches, my heart dead in my chest as I stare into the brown eyes I’ve been missing more with each passing day.

Somehow, I find my voice. “Let me go.”

“No.” Still holding my wrist, he stands up before pulling me into his arms. I want to say I fight it, that I put up some kind of resistance, but I can’t. I fall into his chest as he wraps his arms around me, and he nuzzles his nose into my hair. I sigh deeply into his chest as he tightens his arms. His lips move to my temple, and I know he feels my pulse pounding against his lips. He presses a small kiss there before he moves to my ear, and the emotion in his voice is almost my undoing. “I’ve missed you so damn much.”

I melt against him as he pulls back to look at me. He reaches up before licking both thumbs. I freeze in awe as he rubs them along my cheeks, under the rims of my glasses. His eyes darken, his lips curving up as he breathes, “There you are.”

Tears spring to my eyes, but before I can utter a word or take off, I hear the name everyone here knows me by.

“Maria.” Ruby’s voice sends chills down my spine. I pull back quickly, praying that when I turn I don’t see what I know is waiting for me. I move away from Thatcher, and his eyes are wild, tears flooding them. “Darling, I think sweet thing has a bit of a fever.”

I’m unable to look to where I know Ruby is standing. Instead, I watch Thatcher direct his gaze over my shoulder. I watch as his brows pull in and he tries to process what he is seeing. I watch as the realization of what’s before him hits him square in the chest. He actually takes a step back, grasping the table for balance. I watch as his face turns white, his eyes widening, his lips parting, and I swear he isn’t breathing.

I watch as he sees his daughter for the first time.