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CHAPTER TWO

R eading Audrina’s letter feels like accidentally grabbing the curling iron she left on and discarded on my sink. Unlike I usually do when I grab the hot iron, I can’t throw it to the floor and scream in agony. Instead, I have to stare at the thirteen words in her handwriting that have my gut churning. She left. Poof. Gone. Nothing more than three letters that don’t explain anything. I don’t understand. We fight all the time. Why was this time so different?

You know why.

I ignore my inner voice even though I can still taste her on my lips.

Feel her body beneath mine, see the desire swirling in her hazel depths. Her face when she came is seared in my brain. Her breathy moans, the way my name was on repeat from her sweet lips…all of it, on a constant playback in my mind. I have wanted her for so long, craved her, and then I went and ruined it.

Ruined us.

And above all, chased her off.

Around me is pure chaos, our parents yelling and crying, while Ingrid just stares at me with pure disdain in her greenish-blue gaze. She hasn’t signed a word to me—or to anyone, for that matter. She shifts from looking at the letter Audrina left for her to glaring at me.

Just like everyone else

I went from being the golden boy of the family to the family pariah in the time it took for everyone to read the letter Audrina wrote to her parents. No one has to say I’m at fault; Audrina made sure everyone knew that in a matter of words. It all just seems so drastic. I don’t know where her head is, but fuck, I wish she had spoken to me first before she just took off. She knows how I get when I’m upset. I run my mouth, and I get petty as fuck. I realize that we didn’t part with the kindest words, but we could have talked this through once both of us calmed down. She just ran, and it pisses me the fuck off.

“Thatcher, what the hell happened?” William demands. Audrina’s father towers over me, his eyes wild, his lips pressed tightly together as he glares down at me.

I look down at the letter, unsure what to say. What happened is private. What was said in anger was just that—anger. Along with a bit of pain. I was on my way to get pain meds when I found her, and I lost my goddamn mind.

I slowly shake my head, and while I don’t want to look up, I know it wouldn’t be fair to my father and sister if they weren’t able to read my lips. While they both wear hearing aids, it’s still hard for them to hear everything. If a person isn’t signing as they speak, then they read lips.

“It’s between us. But I didn’t expect this. We’ve fought before, so I really don’t understand what the hell is going through her mind.”

Dad appears before me, and my breath catches. I am his twin, both of us six-three, packed with muscles, and lean. He played in the Russian league for years before he was offered a spot to play in the US. He was the first hard of hearing player to play in the NHL. I am proud to carry on his legacy, but when he looks at me like that, I don’t feel anything but small. My dad is a force to be reckoned with, my hero. I look up at him in all aspects of life. His strength, his talent, his love for his family. He met my mother when they were young, and he married her right out of high school. When he was offered the opportunity to come to the States, I don’t think he expected to not only bring his new wife, but also her best friend, Anya.

Audrina’s mom.

Dad was a defenseman, and his line mate was William Hawkins. William came over for dinner one night, and the rest is history. My parents and hers became a unit, but I shattered that to pieces with my famous slap shot.

Dad’s eyes are wild as he signs, “It has to be more. You two fight like siblings, and she’s never taken off before. What happened?”

“It’s between us.”

“No! My daughter took off. You will tell us,” William demands as Anya sobs loudly. My mom watches me, tears in her hazel eyes as she holds her best friend to her chest. She pats Anya’s back as her eyes plead with mine for the truth. Her long, dark hair is straight along her shoulders, almost curtaining Anya as she sobs for her missing daughter. My mother and her best friend are still as gorgeous as they were as young girls. Time is not a villain in their lives.

“Please, Thatcher, make this make sense,” Mom pleads, but I can only shake my head.

“What happened won’t change that she’s gone,” I stress, exhaling heavily. “I don’t know where her head is or why she chose to do this, but I’ll find her.”

Ingrid stands then, tears streaming down her cherubic cheeks. While Ingrid is petite like my mother, she mirrors my dad and me in looks. Dark, curly hair, twinkling eyes, and sweetness radiating from her pores. She is my second-favorite person.

After Audrina.

Her brows furrow deeply as she signs, “You better, or I’ll never speak to you again.”

My heart drops out of my ass. “Ingrid,” I sign back, as well as speak. “You don’t mean that.”

More tears spill from her stricken gaze. “I do,” she signs, her lips moving but no words leaving. “You hurt her. It takes a lot to hurt her, and you did so to the point she left.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” I stress, tears burning behind my eyes. “I fully expected to talk this out with her.”

“Why would she talk to you when you hurt her?” she speaks, even though she signs it too. Her words are muffled, broken, and hit me like a thousand pucks to the chest. Her tears fall faster, her lips parting as she pants. “Find her, bring her home, and make it better. We need her. She is family.”

“You think I don’t know that?” I snap, not signing in the hopes she doesn’t catch it all. But that’s dumb of me, because Ingrid doesn’t miss a thing.

Her eyes narrow. “Did you sleep with her?”

All eyes snap to me, and each pair holds a different emotion. While our moms look almost hopeful, excited that this means Audrina’s and my relationship has progressed, William looks like he wants to castrate me, and my dad appears to want to help. He knows my actions have not only hurt his baby girl, but the love of his life and her best friend. My dad lives by the saying, “Happy wife, happy life.”

I look away, my face filling with color. I swallow as the guilt eats me alive. The issue wasn’t that we slept together; it’s what happened after. Unable to answer my sister or face my family, I struggle to get up. My knee is on fire, but I refuse to take meds. Not when I deserve the pain. I grab my crutch and then lean on it while staring at the phone. With my hands, I sign and say, “I’ll find her.”

I could say that memory comes out of nowhere, but I’d be lying. There isn’t a day I don’t rehash how it all went down with my family and hers. I tell myself it’s the driving force behind finding Audrina, but that’s just one of the lies I tell myself to get through the day. The truth is, I’m wrecked without her. I went from twenty-five years with her in my life, seeing and speaking to her every day, to the last three years of silence and pain.

Now, she’s only twenty feet from me, and I feel like I’m in the presence of a goddess and I’m not worthy of breathing her air. Even with all the changes she’s made to herself, all I see is the girl I fell in love with. It’s taking every ounce of my control not to jump up and attack her. To kiss her pouty mouth before I shake her for leaving our family.

Me.

The relief of seeing her cancels out the anger of her leaving without a word. I kept my promise to my sister, to our family, but I’m scared out of my mind. I found her, but that doesn’t mean she’s coming home. Anxiety like no other starts to course through my body, my skin prickling and my heart pounding as I try to figure out what to say to her. How to let my presence be known. Do I just call her name? Corner her? Yell, scream, and plead with her? I don’t know, but I can’t look away.

She wears a little red waitress getup with a silver apron around her hips. She has gained weight, no longer the tiny little thing she was when we were growing up. Her breasts are heavier, her hips wider, and even beneath the apron, I can see a pooch. My mouth waters at the sight. My hands shake at the thought of touching her again. Of digging my fingers into her flesh as I devour her mouth. She’d probably slap me, but it’d be worth it.

Just for a taste.

The feel of her in my arms.

God, I’ve missed her.

She lets out a little snicker at an older man at the counter as she refills his coffee. I have to hold back my grin since I know that sound means she’s genuinely amused. Heat burns in my chest at the thought of someone being awarded that sound. It’s supposed to be only mine.

I chased her away.

But I found her.

“Thatty, why are you being so quiet?”

I tear my gaze from her to where Telly and Owen are watching me with curiosity. I swallow past the lump in my throat. “No reason, just hungry,” I grunt out, and they both know I’m lying.

Owen looks back at the counter, and I watch as his brows rise. “Hell, she could be Audrina’s twin.”

“Audrina?” Telly asks. “Your girl bestie?”

My girl.

What I’d give to be able to make those two words a reality.

I have spent years wanting just that. I’ve honestly always thought of her as mine. She never really dated, and neither did I. Of course, we hooked up with people, but we never had relationships. It was us. Just her and me. We were in a relationship minus the sex.

I flirted with her; I bought her things to let her know I was thinking of her. She cleaned up after me, and we lived together until the moment she left. We ate together every night, and even when I was gone on a road trip, we’d FaceTime or she’d go to my mom’s or hers for dinner. We depended on each other.

I don’t know how I resisted her for as long as I did. She has always been my walking wet dream. I think I feared I’d lose her if I did, and I was right. While it took over ten years to cross that line with her, nothing changed the fact that she was mine before I tasted her.

Wait. She still is mine.

No time, no space, not thirteen words in a letter—nothing can change that.

I thought not seeing her for over three years was hard, but being in her space, watching as she moves around with no cares in the world, looking so damn free, makes me realize I’m desperate for her.

I wish she were serving me.

Her pussy.

On a platter.

Wow, get yourself under control, Orlov.

There is a tightness in my chest that has me nodding, not trusting my voice as Owen leans in. “Have you talked to her?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Why not? I thought you two were close?” Telly asks.

Owen leans back, shaking his head. “She slept with Dart and broke our boy’s heart.”

I swallow but keep my mouth shut. That’s what everyone thinks, but the truth is, we still talked for a while after. I forgave her, and even Dart, for what went down. They were drunk, and we were never exclusive. Maybe we were in my heart, but the only way Audrina would have known that would have been if I were honest. Plot twist—I was never honest.

Not even when everything went down between us.

I got mad and used my words to hurt her.

The one time my chirping was my downfall.

“Oh damn, I didn’t know,” Telly says with a low whistle. “That had to suck.”

“It did,” Owen says, shaking his head. “It broke up our friend group for a while, but then it all shook out.”

Shook out, meaning Audrina left right after Dart met and fell in love with his woman, Tennessee. Because of all that, there was no awkwardness anymore when we all hung out. Audrina was gone, and Dart was obsessed with Tennessee. Leaving me alone and aching for the girl I chased away.

Yeah, everything shook out just great.

I watch as she pulls the pencil out of her knot and writes down an order before moving to the next patron. I don’t move. I can’t even breathe as she moves around the diner with ease. She’s good at everything she does. Mostly because she puts her whole self into the task. She isn’t a half-asser. No, Audrina puts her whole ass into everything she attempts.

And what an ass she has.

I drink in her thighs when she bends over to grab an envelope from under the counter by the checkout. She has stretch marks along her milky skin that weren’t there before, and I’m struck by the need to trace them with my fingers and my tongue, over and over again. I swallow thickly as she moves back behind the counter, her brows pinched as she calls out orders and serves them. Owen and Telly are talking, but I’m unable to comprehend or even add to the conversation when my sole focus is on her.

I found her, and now I don’t know what to do.

Breathlessly, I reach into my pocket and bring up the text thread with my sister Ingrid.

Me: I found her.

It’s only seconds before the text comes through.

Ingrid: Bring her home.

That’s all, and while pride fills me at knowing my sister thinks I’m capable of that, fear replaces those feelings in mere seconds.

Because I might let my sister down all over again.