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LETTER ONE

Mom and Dad,

So, don’t freak out, K?

I know that’s dumb to say, because I’m sure as soon as you saw this letter, you got that feeling. That feeling that something was wrong. Being incredible parents, you’ve already known something has been off for the last week or so. You probably knew while I was writing this letter, even with me across town in my apartment.

I hate that I lied to you all week when you asked if I was okay. I’m not. My head is such a mess that I don’t even know what is up and what is down. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know who Thatch— This isn’t about him. I mean, it is, but it isn’t.

Don’t hate him, K?

I’m sorry to run off like this. I feel like everything is out of control, and I can’t seem to find my footing. It’s all on me. As you’ve told me time and time again, I made this bed, I’ve gotta lie in it. You two have done nothing but love me, and I’m sorry to do this to you. All you’ve ever done is take care of me and do what I want. You love me even though I’m not biologically yours, and I will forever be grateful for that. I can’t begin to thank you enough for always keeping me near the Orlovs and keeping us as a unit. I begged and pleaded to stay with them, and now I’m running from all of you.

I have to, though, because I know you two will protect me, coddle me, instead of pushing me to be better. I need to be better. I need a reset. I need to breathe and figure out what the hell is going on in my head. Gosh, I sound so selfish, and I probably am. I’m running away without saying goodbye or even explaining myself fully. I’m sorry. I really am. I hate to do this, but you’ve raised me to be the best version of myself.

You saved me from a shitty home life, and I haven’t been who you raised lately. I don’t even like myself right now. I need to discover who I am without the safety net you guys give me so freely. Please believe, I’m so damn sorry. Also, please don’t look for me. Don’t hire people to find me. I’ll be back. I don’t know if it’ll be months or years, but I promise to come back.

Please keep an eye on Ingrid for me. On Tuesday and Thursday, she has a class with these three assholes who like to try to turn off her hearing aids and act like they’re signing to her, but they’re just making fun of her. She gets really sad on those days, and with…her brother’s season starting, she’ll be extra down. Not that Maeve and Don don’t take great care of her, but just maybe send a text on those days to make sure she’s okay. I offered to hit the guys with my car, but she declined. Please let the Orlovs know I love them too, and that I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused.

Sorry won’t ever be enough for you two, but I am. I love you. So much, and I’ll see you soon.

Audrina