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CHAPTER TWELVE

E ven though I put up a bit of resistance about Arwen being up here alone with Thatcher, I knew they’d be okay. I assumed he put on the TV and they’d watch a movie or something, but as he’s been doing since he arrived, he’s surprised me once more. I walked in to find them coloring and signing with each other like they’ve known each other their whole lives. It is so beautiful to see, and the open wound of my chest throbs at the sight. I’m sure he assumes I tried to hide him from her, but I did the opposite.

I knew I would go back, but with each day that passed, it was harder to face the truth. It has been just Arwen and me, and things have been good for us. In all things but her ears, and I had already said I’d make a plan. Maybe my plan would have been to finally head home, or maybe I’m thinking that way because Ruby and Thatcher are right. There is nothing here for Arwen and me. She needs more, better care, and I can’t deny that. I just wish he weren’t here to witness it all. Now he’ll think if I go back, I’m going back for him, and that’s not the case at all.

It would be for Arwen.

I swallow hard, my throat feeling like it’s closing as I cut up Arwen’s pancakes. Beside me, she signs quickly. We colored, and I showed Daddy my photo album. Then we called Auntie Ingrid.

The knife falls from my hand as I whip my head to her father. “What?”

Thatcher doesn’t seem the least bit remorseful. He only shrugs. “She seems super excited about her, so I called her.”

I can only gawk at him. “What did Ingrid say?”

“She cried,” he says bluntly, holding my gaze. “She was in shock, and she wants you two to come home.”

I hadn’t realized how hard my heart was beating until it became too loud to hear him. I shake my head, blinking quickly as I try to process this. Ingrid knows. She’ll tell my parents; I know she will. My voice doesn’t even sound like my own as I ask, “Was she mad?”

“No. She just wants to meet her niece in person.”

My heart clenches as he asks, “Where did you tell Arwen we were?”

I swallow. “I never said, just that we would meet you guys one day.”

I feel his gaze on me. “Did she really walk around with photos of me and cry?”

My eyes burn, and I could kill Ruby. “Yes.”

“And that didn’t make you want to come home?”

I snap my eyes up to his. “Of course it did!” I shout, holding his gaze. “I wanted to go home every single day, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t give you the option of rejecting her.”

“I’d never,” he says, acting as if I hit him instead of told him the truth.

“You said you would.”

“Audrina.”

“Thatcher,” I say, our gazes locked, neither of us giving in to the other. When he doesn’t say anything else, I add, “So I’m sure my parents are on their way.”

“No. She promised not to say anything.”

“Do you believe that?” I ask incredulously.

“I do,” he says simply. “Because she knows I’ll make it happen.”

“Huh?” I ask, confused.

I meet his eyes, and the determination in them steals my breath. “She knows I’ll bring you two home.”

The way he says it has my stomach turning in on itself and my heart slamming into my ribs. He’s always been a very confident guy, but Thatcher’s confidence as a dad is fucking hot. I somehow get out, “I don’t even know that.”

He looks at me seriously. “Then let me inform you. We’re going home.”

I scoff as I set Arwen’s pancakes down in front of her. “I haven’t decided on that.”

“I have,” he says, threading his fingers together. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

My eyes narrow. “That sounds very threatening.”

“As much as I don’t mean it to be, it probably is.” His Adam’s apple bobs as he holds my gaze. “I was the king of dicks when I said what I did to you, and my intention when I found you again was to make up for it. I never wanted you to run off like that, and it’ll be my biggest regret. But honestly, what I did doesn’t warrant losing out on my kid’s life.”

I try to swallow past the lump in my throat, but I’m unsuccessful. I cough a bit before meeting his gaze once more. “I know, and I am sorry for that. It all just got out of hand, and eventually, it was easier to be just her and me. I didn’t want it to be any harder, which I know makes me a coward. I ran to better myself, but I don’t think I did that.”

“I do,” he says softly. “I thought you were a spoiled little princess, but you made a life for yourself and our daughter.”

I smile at that. “I made sure she knew who you were and about our families.”

“And I am thankful for that,” he says softly. “You have done amazing with her. She is very smart.”

I smile as Arwen looks up from her pancakes to take a drink. “She is perfect in my eyes,” I say and sign so she can see.

She beams as Thatcher says and signs, “Mine too.”

That makes her giggle in such a lyrical way, my heart skips a beat. She’s always loved the idea of her daddy, and I knew that when she had the real deal, she’d fall head over heels for him.

Just like I did.

“I do want to make things better between us, but realistically, everything else has changed. We have a daughter, Audrina, and she is my number one concern,” he says, drawing my attention to him. I don’t know what to say, and when he realizes that, he continues. “I made some calls when I was getting her meds. Ingrid’s specialist can see her Thursday, my lawyer will be here tomorrow so we can get things moving on getting her last name change, and then he wants to sit down with you.”

My heart kicks up at the mention of a lawyer. “Why?”

“To talk about options.”

“Options?”

His brown gaze holds mine, and I hate the pain I see in his eyes. I should have known he’d get his lawyers involved. When Thatcher wants something, he doesn’t sit around and wait. He gets it done. “Like I said, I can’t move here. My life is in South Carolina, and either you come willingly or I fight you for custody.”

I blink, my heart lodging itself in my throat as my body goes cold. “Fight me for custody?”

“Yes,” he says softly.

“You want to take my child from me?”

“I want to be in our child’s life,” he clarifies, and my heart is galloping in my chest. “I don’t want to take her from you. I want to be a part of both?—”

“Sounds like you do,” I throw back, my heart trying to come out of my chest. “Sounds like you have already decided to do just that.”

He shakes his head, grabbing the back of his neck. “No, listen. I’ve been such an asshole to you, and I don’t want that anymore. But I can’t allow her to live like this. She needs more, and by coming home, you and I can give her more.” His voice breaks as he looks away, squeezing his neck. A tingle runs through me as I watch him struggle in front of me. “I fucked up, I know I did, but my crime doesn’t deserve this punishment. I want to be her dad, and it’s bad enough I have to travel for hockey. At least, if you’re home, I’ll know you two are safe and she’s getting the best care imaginable, and I can see her when I’m home.” When he looks up, his eyes are flooded with tears. “Please come home.”

A sob bubbles in my throat as I hold his gaze. When I notice movement from beside me, I look over to see Arwen getting up and going around me. She crawls up into Thatcher’s lap, and he wraps his arms around her. His lips dust the top of her head as she leans back against him, cuddling into his chest like she belongs there.

And she does.

She is his mini, and damn it, I know he’s right.

I don’t want him to be, but he is.

I look away, unable to watch them together. I sit up, my back ramrod straight as I put as much steel into my voice as I can muster, “I won’t ever let you take her from me. I know I am wrong for what I’ve done, but?—”

“I would never,” he says softly. “You are an incredible mom, Aud. I wouldn’t do that to her—or you.” My lip wobbles. “Like I said, I don’t want to get our parents involved. I figured a lawyer would strong-arm you into what needs to happen. If that makes me an asshole, get me a shirt made, but Arwen needs more than living in the butthole of Virginia. She should get to meet her grandparents and aunt. I know you can do it on your own. I know you don’t need us, Audrina, but we need you. We need her.”

Tears start to fall because he’s wrong; I do need them. I was just too embarrassed to face them. “Strong-arm me, huh?”

He shrugs, unapologetic. “I don’t think I need him to do anything, but I promised I wouldn’t get our parents involved. So here I am, keeping my promise.”

His promise of never leaving Arwen burns in my brain. Leads my heart to ache. And makes me breathless.

I take a shaky breath before I whisper, “If I do come home, it’s not for you.”

“I understand.”

“There is no us,” I tell him, hoping he believes me.

Because I sure don’t.

“We will be her parents, but you broke me,” I tell him, meeting his watery gaze. “I won’t ever put myself out there for you to break me again.”

Pain moves across his face as he holds my gaze. He inhales a deep breath and then looks down at Arwen, cuddling her closer. “I understand. I just want to be her dad.”

Why do his words hurt?

Why doesn’t he fight for us?

Because you hid his kid, you asshole.

That’s fine. I don’t need him.

I may never have his heart, but I have a piece of him in the form of Arwen, and that’s more than enough.

And way easier.