Page 16

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I ’m not sure where Thatcher stayed for the night, but it killed me to see Arwen cry when he left. I almost broke and asked him to stay—for her, of course—but I have to set my boundaries or Thatcher Orlov will plow his way back into my heart. Like he promised Arwen before he walked out the door last night, he came back first thing in the morning with leftover boxes from downstairs for packing and breakfast for all of us. I totally ignored him as I tended to Arwen and got ready for the day.

My anxiety is through the roof.

I have worked myself into a tizzy, assuming the absolute worst. That the lawyer will come in with child services and they’ll take my daughter. That if I disagree about one thing, Thatcher will strong-arm me into whatever he wants. Or that it won’t be just the lawyer but my parents too. They would be so upset, thinking I’m a poor excuse for a mother, and help Thatcher take Arwen away.

I know— wow. Breathe, Audrina —but for real, I have completely worked myself up.

My heart is beating way too fast, and I hate feeling like this. Like everything is completely out of control. I guess, in a way, it is. I feel like I did when I found out I was pregnant and didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t trust anyone but myself, and after years of having a safety net, I was lost. I’m not that girl anymore, though. I am a mom, a good mom, and I’ve got this. I have protected and loved Arwen enough for an army of people. She is thriving, and no one will even suggest taking her from me.

I jump when I feel a large hand press to the small of my back. I look up in the mirror to find Thatcher watching me. His brows are furrowed, his mouth turned down as worry lines his features. His hair looks tousled, and his beard is a little wild this morning. His IceCats hat hangs loosely on his head. Dark circles are under his eyes, yet I still find him unbelievably beautiful. He wears a crisp white shirt and blue slacks that look brand-new. He must have gone to the Walmart last night.

His voice is rough as he asks, “You okay?”

His question confuses me. Why would he care? “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” he tells me, not removing his hand, and really, why aren’t I moving it? Instead, I stay locked in his knowing gaze. Because this man does know me. Inside and out, and I wish he didn’t. If not, he wouldn’t know that I’m freaking out or that I need his touch. It’s so familiar, and I hate how much I crave it.

I shrug. “I’m fine.”

I finally force myself away from him and head over to where Arwen is playing with her dollhouse. I crouch down in front of her and take in my sweet girl. She’s wearing a little Bluey jumpsuit with her hair in pigtails. She notices me and grins up at me. I smile back and sign, We have a lot of errands today. It’ll be a busy day.

She nods. Okay. Why so many boxes?

I was hoping she wouldn’t notice, but I should have known better. She’s too observant not to wonder. I don’t want to give her false hope, because if this lawyer comes in hot, I’m taking off the first chance I get. Not sure how I’ll do that, but while I tossed and turned beside her last night, that was the only thing I could come up with.

Taking a deep breath, I sign, Not sure yet. I’ll tell you when I know, yeah?

Her brows pinch, the gears in her head moving at top speed. Bluey packed when they left for a new home. Are we getting a new home?

Smartass kid. I don’t know, my love. Give me some time?

She eyes me skeptically but nods. Okay.

I cup her face, but before I can lean in for a kiss, her eyes land on Thatcher. She runs over to him, and he catches her, lifting her into the air as her giggles fill the room. She wraps her arms around his neck, and with one hand, he asks, How are your ears?

She shrugs, leaning back to use both hands. They hurt.

He nods. No ears today? Right, Mommy?

Well. Damn. I wasn’t prepared for him to call me Mommy. I must be a freak because that is kind of hot. Ignoring my wanton body, I sign, Right. We’ll wait, okay?

Before she can reply, a knock sounds on the door. My heart kicks up since there is only one person who would knock on the door.

The lawyer.

Thatcher hands Arwen off to me, and I get her set up as he greets the lawyer. Elijah Wolfe—Eli, as he tells me to call him—is a very handsome man. He doesn’t give off the vibe of a strong-armed lawyer, rather, a surfer who would call me “dude.” Though, he is well-spoken and has very kind green eyes, while his blond hair is brushed to the side, perfectly styled. He has on a dark-green Tom Ford suit that hugs every bit of his big body. I almost wonder if he was an athlete before.

Not that I ask; I’m too busy chewing a hole in my cheek.

After he sets his black briefcase on the table, I sit down before my nerves eat me alive. Arwen is none the wiser, flitting around the room, demanding attention. Thatcher eats it up, tickling and loving on her. I would do the same, but I can’t give her the attention she deserves when my anxiety is threatening to suffocate me. To my surprise, Eli even interacts with her. His signing isn’t as fluent as ours, but he tries and I appreciate that.

When Eli pulls out the paperwork, I still as I listen to him explain how he spent the previous day at the courthouse getting the correct forms and securing us a court date for the morning. He’s apparently close friends with the judge in Richmond, and instead of having us go up there, he will do our appointment virtually.

When Eli asks if we’re sure of the paternity, I’m blown away by the certainty in Thatcher’s voice. “She is mine.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat as I only nod. Eli nods in agreement and types some more on his computer. “Are we suing for full custody?”

My head whips to Thatcher, but he’s cool as a cucumber. “No, we will raise Arwen together.”

Eli looks up at him over the top of his computer. “That’s not what you said yesterday.”

I gawk at him, but he pays me no mind. “I was high on emotions and not thinking clearly. Arwen needs her mother as much as she needs me. We’ll do this together.” My heart aches as I watch him in awe. He makes it seem so simple. Like no time has passed and no pain has been caused. It’s insane, and the guilt washes over me in waves. How can he be so calm when I feel like I’m about to break? Slowly, Thatcher’s gaze locks with mine. “I was wrong for what I said last night. I don’t want to strong-arm you or force you into anything. I want you to want to raise Arwen with me. I promise to be the best father to her.”

It’s hard to get words out around the lump in my throat. “I know you will.”

“And I’ll be respectful of you and what you want. I know it’s a hard ask with our past and how big of an asshole I’ve been, but I’ll beg if need be. While moments of our history aren’t the greatest, there are still some that are. I think if we lean into that part, we can raise our daughter together.”

I’m rendered speechless as he holds my gaze. Eli doesn’t seem the least bit affected by Thatcher’s speech and asks, “So fifty-fifty?”

“No,” Thatcher says once more. “One hundred for both of us.”

Eli’s brows pull together, and finally, I find my voice. “How will that work?”

“I don’t know yet, but we’ll figure it out,” he says confidently. “Together.”

“But you’re not together, correct?” Eli asks, and I shake my head along with Thatcher. “So, it’d be safer to do this fifty-fifty. Split the time between the two of you. Maybe do one week on, one week off.”

My heart seizes in my chest, but before I can even acknowledge my feelings and fight his suggestion, Thatcher says, “Absolutely not. I’m not going to have my parents raise her when I’m on road trips. She will need her mother, and with all the changes, I don’t want to stress Audrina and Arwen out any more than necessary.”

A chill runs down my spine as I inhale deeply, letting it out in a whoosh. I’m shocked by the man beside me; I almost don’t recognize him. But then, that’s to be expected when over three years pass. People change, especially when something painful happens between them. “So, what are you thinking?” I find myself asking, and Thatcher meets my gaze.

“I’ll spend whatever time I have with you two,” he says, like it’s common knowledge. I don’t miss that he says you two instead of just Arwen. His promise has my skin tingling. “We will figure it out as we go. I don’t want to tear you two apart. I want to be a part of what you’ve built.”

Without him. He doesn’t say it, but I can read the ending to that sentence in his eyes.

“But we aren’t together,” I stress, my eyes burning into his.

“I’m not saying we are. I’m saying I want to raise our child together.”

“Thatcher, with all due respect, what happens when you both find other partners?” Eli asks, as if that’s the biggest issue here.

Thatcher’s jaw goes tight, but his eyes don’t leave mine. “I won’t.” His eyes are so serious, his features taut as he holds my gaze. “My only focus will be my daughter.”

And me.

I know he doesn’t say it, but damn it, I feel it in my bones.

His words have me in knots, and I know I’m in so much trouble.