Page 52 of The Reality of Wanting Him (Love Without Labels #1)

LIAM

I didn’t realize how emotional it would be to sit here with Blake and watch our love story play out from the beginning.

With everything else we’ve had going on, I kind of forgot about not picking him in that first ranking. I realize I could’ve told him on the show, but the reason I didn’t wasn’t because I was hiding something, per say, it was because I was trying to protect his feelings.

I didn’t want him to feel… like… a backup option.

Oh.

Fuck .

Kind of like how Blake didn’t tell me about the ultimatum.

I know he explained himself already and made it crystal clear he wasn’t trying to deceive me or lie to me; he was trying to protect me because the money didn’t matter. My therapist and I have talked about it extensively.

Still, I felt so blindsided at the time that it was hard not to question his sincerity. If I hadn’t been carrying the weight of that past relationship trauma, I probably wouldn’t have reacted so strongly .

I know Blake, though, and regardless of the fact that he kept the ultimatum from me, he isn’t a manipulative person.

He didn’t mention it because he didn’t want me questioning his motivation for being with me.

Because he actually does love me. Just like I love him, even if I didn’t tell him I didn’t initially choose him.

I’d been so wrapped up in my own pain, so tangled in my past, that I couldn’t see it for what it really was. Just as my initial ranking of him made no difference once I got to know him, the ultimatum didn’t matter when he got to know me.

I never thought watching our experience back on the TV would stir up so many emotions, but it definitely is. Not only everything between us, but seeing Blake connect with Rachel through the beginning rounds is more painful than I anticipated.

I glance over at him, and he’s completely unaware of the revelations I’m having as he watches the show.

I do feel like I’m in a much better headspace personally than I was when he first showed up here.

My therapist has been helping me to give less power to my own self-doubts and anxieties.

I’ve been feeling more and more ready to start working on things with Blake again, but I’ve been afraid to make that final leap.

Maybe I am finally ready to close this gap between us.

Sitting on the couch with a whole cushion of space between us feels wrong.

All I want to do is reach for him—pull him against me, press my lips to his temple, to his lips, hold him in a way that tells him just how much I’ve missed him.

Because this distance feels wrong. I want him curled against me, his head on my chest while I run my fingers through his thick blond hair.

This must be so hard for Blake, too. He always wanted to be touching and as close as possible. He likes knowing he’s wanted, and I love giving him that through physical connection.

But I don’t move yet. I need to make sure I’m ready for this, because once I go back, everything changes.

Instead, I watch the show and our past selves on the screen—the two idiots who didn’t know they were about to fall in love.

Blake isn’t the same person who walked into this experiment thinking he was straight and only caring about money.

The man sitting next to me has grown so much.

He’s fought for me and continues to prove himself every day. Just like he said he would.

And I do trust him.

I want him back.

Yup, I’m ready.

I clear my throat and shift slightly closer to him on the couch. “Hey,” I say.

“What’s up?” he says casually, obviously unsure of where I’m going with this.

I inhale deeply. I know this is what I want. “I think I’m ready.”

“For what?” he asks, still confused.

I shift, moving the bowl of popcorn to the coffee table before turning my body toward him as I reach out to take his hand in mine.

“To move forward with us, if you’re ready too.

I miss you, even though you haven’t gone anywhere.

We’ve been separated for too long, and I do trust you, Blake, and I’m sorry if it felt like I didn’t.

Watching this back has made me realize just how far we’ve come, and I don’t want to keep moving backward.

Thank you for being so patient with me while I’ve been working on myself. ”

His mouth drops open slightly, and I watch as his face shifts from disbelief to absolute fucking joy. Then he’s lunging at me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, knocking me back into the cushions, and I let out a laugh as I wrap my arms around him too.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he says before peppering kisses all over my face. “You have no idea!”

“I have some idea,” I tease, squeezing him a little tighter. “I missed you like crazy too. Even if I saw you daily, it wasn’t the same.”

He pulls back just enough to look at me, and the joy on his face is so pure I can’t help but smash my mouth to his.

His lips feel like coming home and he sighs into me, tongue teasing at the seam before I open up for him.

Before long, he’s rutting against my leg and letting out a moan before pulling back.

“So, can we”—he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, licking his lips as he grips my thighs—“you know. Make up properly? I’ve missed your dick so much.”

I smirk, tilting my head. “Oh, you think you get to go right back to bottoming again?”

“Wait. What?” Blake acts like I just broke him.

“You think you just get to waltz back in, bat those pretty eyes, and I’ll bend you over like nothing happened?”

“Well, I mean… yeah, kinda,” he whines. “So, we don’t get to have sex? I thought you said you wanted to be together again.”

Oh, Blake. So naive.

“That sounds like a punishment for me, too. And I definitely don’t want that.”

He has the most confused look on his face, like he’s never once thought about topping me. I guess that just goes to show how needy he is for me. Fuck. It’s almost enough for me to give in. Almost.

I trail my fingers up his side, teasing him with light touches.

“We can do that if it's what you really want, I never want to pressure you into anything. Or, if it interests you, we can keep playing into the apology angle for one more night. You can prove to me just how much you trust me. Let me tie you to my bed so I can use you like my own personal sex toy.”

Blake’s jaw drops and his face goes bright red.

“Yes, that one, definitely that option.” Then, before I can really process his answer, he’s scrambling off me and yanking me toward the bedroom—the show completely forgotten. Okay, looks like he’s very, very on board with the idea.

By the time we make it to my room, his chest is rising and falling rapidly, and his hazel eyes are wide with anticipation. He licks his lips, looking me up and down, clearly as eager and excited as I am for what I have planned.

“You want to be tied up, baby? Used by me?” It seems like he does, but I want to really make sure he’s okay with this.

His eyes flutter closed for a second like he’s lost in the fantasy of what I’m suggesting. “Yeah. Yeah, I really do.”

He looks almost overwhelmed by how much he wants this, and I know he’s ready to give up control. If Blake wants to be owned by me, then that’s exactly what I’ll give him.

My smirk deepens, my fingers trace down the column of his throat, and I pull him to me. I press my tongue into his mouth for just a few seconds before pushing him back.

“Then get naked and get on the bed,” I command.

He whimpers, and I can visibly see his body relaxing, see how much he’s already loving handing over control. He rips off his clothes until he’s beautifully naked—cock already hard and straining toward his abs as he jumps onto the bed.

I shake my head as I watch him, taking my time. “Eager little thing, aren’t you, B?”

A blush creeps over his skin again, but he just nods.

I take my time walking over to my dresser to grab a tie from the second drawer. I almost never wear these things, so might as well be resourceful. With the silk fabric in my hand, I walk back to Blake and his breath hitches as he watches with anticipation.

“You trust me?” I double check as I straddle his hips.

“Yes,” he breathes without hesitation.

I lean in, mouth brushing against his ear, and he squirms as my fully clothed body drapes over his naked one. “Then be a good boy and give me your hands.”

He shudders beneath me and obeys immediately.

He lifts his wrists toward me and completely surrenders.

Fuck, my own cock is fighting against the confines of my jeans, and part of me wants to rush through this, to finally feel him inside of me as quickly as I can.

But I fight off that impatience. I want to take my time and enjoy this.

I know how amazing it will be if we draw this out a little, if I really tease him.

I take one of his wrists, wrapping the silk around it, tying it to the headboard, and making sure it’s snug but not uncomfortable.

He pulls at the tie, testing it, but it holds firm.

“I’ll just start with the one wrist so you can tap my thigh if you need me to stop. I have other plans for your mouth.”

I move off the bed while he lays there, muscles flexed, veins bulging, and the head of his dick flushed red as I strip out of my clothes. His cock twitches as I move toward him, but I ignore it despite knowing how desperate he is for friction.

Instead, I move up his body, straddling his chest. He parts his lips immediately, jaw falling open for me, knowing exactly what I want. I grip his jaw, tilting his face up. “I’m gonna fuck your face,” I tell him, brushing my thumb over his lower lip.

He nods frantically, tongue darting out to wet his lips. I drag the head of my cock against them, smearing my precum. His tongue flicks out again, tasting me, and he moans. His eyes flutter shut like he’s savoring it, and fuck, if that isn’t the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

“Open,” I instruct, voice practically a growl with how turned on I am.

He obeys instantly, yet again, and I press forward, groaning as his mouth wraps around me.

Warm, and wet, and perfect. I push deeper, feeling his throat relax until it contracts around me when I hit the back of it.

I grip his beautiful blond hair and start to move, shallow thrusts at first to test his limits and let him adjust. But soon he’s moaning around me, and I lose any restraint I thought I had, thrusting deeper and faster, still making sure to pull back so he can breathe, but fucking into his mouth the way I know he wants me to.

His eyes flick up to mine, glassy and faraway, and I groan again at how blissed out he looks. “You love this, don’t you?” I rasp.

He nods the best he can with his lips stretching around my cock, spit dripping down the corners of his mouth. He’s perfect, absolutely fucking perfect. Then suddenly, he’s tapping my thigh, and I immediately pull back.

“What is it?” I pant. “Fuck, did I hurt you?”

“Just need more, shift a little higher.” He smirks, and I do as requested. Before I know it, he’s dragging his tongue down my cock, over my balls, and lower—until he’s right there. I’m so grateful we both showered the day off before getting cozy tonight to watch the show.

I shudder, my entire body going boneless the second I feel the first flick of his tongue against my hole.

“Jesus fuck?—”

His free hand is gripping the wrist that’s still bound above his head, like he wishes they were both tied up, but I want him to be able to communicate if he needs to.

Not using his hands only makes him work harder, and he presses his face closer, licking slow and deliberate, before circling the tight ring of muscle with the tip of his tongue.

“Oh, fuck.” My head drops forward, my hands moving to grip the headboard as I rock my hips, grinding against his mouth, letting him eat my ass the way he clearly wants to.

His moans vibrate against my hole, and I can’t help the way my hips move of their own accord.

I have to brace myself against the headboard to keep myself upright as I come apart on his tongue.

It’s been so long since I’ve been on the receiving end of this, I’d almost forgotten just how amazing it feels.

He’s opening me up in a way that has my cock absolutely aching for release.

“God, Blake,” I gasp. “You’re gonna make me come just like this.”

He moans in response, his tongue pushing in deeper, and I can’t take it anymore.

I need his cock. I force myself away from his tongue, quickly tying up his other wrist before reaching for the lube and a condom in the nightstand.

I slick my fingers up before turning to straddle him facing the other direction.

I want him to be able to watch, but not touch, as I replace the loss of his tongue with two fingers of my own.

I work myself open quickly, eager to lower myself down onto his cock and give it the attention he’s craving.

I look over my shoulder, wanting to enjoy the image of how he’s tied up and completely at my mercy. Fuck, I love it. Love seeing him squirm, love the little whimpers that escape as his hips thrust up into nothing, seeking any sort of relief.

“You’re so desperate, baby,” I tease, working a third finger inside myself.

His eyes are pleading, his body trembling with the effort to not touch.

I smirk, teasing my fingers in and out of my hole, avoiding my prostate so that I can take my time.

He’s a moaning, pleading mess as I torture him. “You want me to ride you, don’t you?”

“Please,” he begs. “Please, Liam, I need to be inside you.”

I chuckle, pulling my fingers from my hole, making a show of how wet and stretched I already am for him. His cock is leaking where it twitches against his stomach, and I can tell he’s barely holding on.

“Patience, B,” I soothe, reaching for the condom as I turn back around to face him.

I tear it open with my teeth, shifting to roll it down over his straining erection and he jerks his hips up instinctively, but I pin him down with a firm hand on his stomach.

“Toys don’t rush things. You take what I give you,” I remind him, slicking him up with lube, stroking just enough to drive him even more crazy.

“Fuck, babe—” His voice is needy, and his head slams back against the pillow, hands still bound above him.

And then, finally— finally —I position myself over him, lining up his cock against my entrance, and sink down.