Page 21 of The Reality of Wanting Him (Love Without Labels #1)

BLAKE

Producer: During the blind dating round, we asked you to not discuss detailed sexual preferences out of concern that it might reveal your partner’s gender. Are you worried about being compatible now that you’ve met Liam?

Blake: You know, I probably should be. I mean, I thought I was straight when I signed up for this. But no, I’m not into anything wild. If my partner is happy, I’m happy. That’s kinda the whole point, right?

A s much as I was kidding about calling Liam “sir,” I don’t hate the idea of him ordering me around a bit. Especially when we do explore the more physical aspects of our relationship since I’ll have no idea what I’m doing. And at this point, I’m pretty sure it is a when and not an if.

Hypothetically, when I had considered kissing him last night, I was into the idea.

But when he was holding my wrist and we were standing inches apart?

All I could think was how much I wanted his lips on mine.

I wanted to know what it would be like. Would it be different to kiss a man than all the women I’ve been with?

None of them have ever been able to manhandle me like that. I think I liked it.

Actually, I know I liked it.

But then at the last second, I chickened out and decided to make a dumb comment instead.

As fun as that was—and as much as I appreciated his somewhat flustered and stern reaction—I’m determined not to lose my nerve the next time the opportunity to kiss him presents itself.

I need to stop hesitating. Obviously I came here because I want to get married to keep my money, and if it works out that way, then I’ll be relieved to not have to stress about finances, but that hasn’t been my focus since I really started building a connection with Liam.

Being with him is fun. Part of me feels like a teenager again when I’m around him, nervous and excited to be near my crush, wanting to be closer, to kiss him, but worried about how it’ll go.

I watch TV for a bit since it seemed like Liam wanted some space, but after the second episode, I’m bored and restless. That was probably enough alone time, right? So I knock on the bedroom door. See? I can respect privacy.

“Come in.”

“Hey, sorry if you wanted to be alone, I was just wondering if you’d want to come to the gym with me,” I ask, flashing him my best smile.

“Like to workout?”

“That is typically what people do in a gym.”

“Uh, sure. I don’t think I’ve been to a gym since college,” he says, almost to himself with how quiet he is.

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?”

“There’s no way you look like that without a gym,” I insist, gesturing to the massive arms and chest that are filling out his T-shirt. He doesn’t have a flannel on over it right now, so his muscles are on full display. And they’re sexy as hell.

“Working on a farm isn’t exactly easy,” he explains.

I just give him a skeptical look in return.

If he’s really bigger than me from only his farm work, I’m seriously questioning what running a farm actually involves.

I was wrong about all of the assumptions I’d made about LM being a girl, but surely collecting eggs from chickens wouldn’t make you look like that?

“Okay, while we workout I’m going to need you to tell me more about what you do on this farm to be in that good of shape,” I say, waving my arm up and down in his direction, making him laugh.

I like that I can do that, especially when he drops all his concern about me never having been with a guy before and can just enjoy himself.

The moments he seems to give in to how much fun we have together are my new favorite things.

That’s how it was during our blind dates, and I know that’s how it can be again once we embrace this relationship.

I sent a message to the producers earlier to see about using the gym and they confirmed it was free for us to use whenever we want now that we’ve met our partners.

No one else is in the gym when we arrive, but we’ll meet all the other contestants tomorrow for a group event that’s planned.

It will be interesting to meet some of the other people I talked to—if they’re still here—and see who they ended up with.

Liam confidently approaches the equipment. I watch him as he sets up the weights, so obviously he’s been in a gym before, even if it really was almost ten years ago. “Wait, how old are you?” I ask when I realize we haven’t covered that yet.

“Twenty-eight. You?”

“Twenty-nine. I’ll be thirty a month after the show ends.”

“Couldn’t bear the idea of entering another decade without a partner?” he teases, not knowing how close he is to the truth.

“Something like that,” I mutter. As much as I want to be completely honest with him—and I’ve debated telling him the truth about my parents’ ultimatum a hundred times now—I just can’t.

Not yet, anyway. Things still feel too shaky between us right now, and I want our relationship to be solid first. I’m scared if I tell him all that, he’s going to assume I’m only with him for the money.

But the truth is, I really don’t want to lose him.

Sure, I did join this show for the money, but the more I talked to Liam throughout the dating portion, the less I cared about the ultimatum.

Money isn’t the only thing I want anymore.

When I met him yesterday and discovered he was, in fact, not a woman, the money obviously crossed my mind.

But I’m secure enough to admit that I’m more than a little curious about what being with Liam physically would be like.

I wanted to kiss him earlier, and I definitely enjoyed my dream about him.

He’s different from the soft curves I’m used to, but his hard body seems to really be doing it for me. My reaction to him wasn’t meaningless.

And I honestly don’t care about his gender.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my sexuality over the last twenty-four hours, and I think I can easily admit that I’m less straight than I had assumed going into this show, and that doesn’t bother me at all.

I’ve never given a fuck about who people choose to be with.

I truly don’t know why anyone cares. I’m pretty sure that I already came out to the world last night by begging a man to date me on reality TV.

It’s cool I won’t have to stress about doing it later. Win-win if you ask me .

I really would like to confirm my new suspicions though.

As I eye Liam working out, I’m glad I get to explore things with not only someone that I already care so much about, but that he’s such a good-looking man as well.

He’s the kind of guy I might see at the gym and ask about his diet or workout plan because I’m jealous of how hot he is.

But maybe a part of me was always attracted to those guys and I just didn’t understand my feelings of admiration.

And Liam’s beard? I’ve always been obsessed with beards . But my light blond hair always comes in patchy when I attempt to grow it out, so I’ve never been able to have one. Do I actually want one, though, or am I attracted to guys with beards?

I try to focus on my own workout, but my brain keeps circling back to Liam—and all the questions I suddenly have about what I thought I knew when it came to guys.

Then he lifts up his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face before seeming to give up on the idea and removing the shirt entirely.

Holy shit. How does he have actual abs if he doesn’t even go to the gym?

And the prominent V of his hips draws all my attention to his dick with a dusting of dark hair…

has that always been so fucking hot? The urge to run my hand over his abs is so strong.

“What the hell do you have to do on a farm to look like that?” I ask, trying to keep the mood light as I openly check him out while I set up one of the weight machines.

He laughs. “Well, I pretty much never stop moving. There’s a lot of carrying around feed and equipment, fixing things as they wear out. We don’t have the money for the newer equipment that can automate things, so I do a lot of the planting and harvesting myself.”

I nod, realizing my vision of a farm has always been about a slow, easygoing life with some guy in overalls sitting on a tractor. “Huh, yeah, that does sound harder than what I was picturing. Maybe I can help when we go. I can't wait to see it.”

Liam’s head snaps in my direction with wide-eyed confusion again. “Go where?”

“To your farm?”

“You’re coming to my farm?”

Why is he acting like he didn’t know this?

I let out a short laugh. I can’t tell if he’s joking or not. “Obviously. We’ll be there next week for the hometown visits for the show, and I assume that’s where we’ll live when we’re married. I know how much you love it there.”

His shocked expression is comical .

“I guess with everything that happened yesterday, I haven’t really thought past our next few days,” he admits.

That stings a little. I don’t know if I should be offended by how uninvested he seems in our relationship, but I’m not wasting time on hurt feelings.

I need to focus on finding a way to show him that there’s a reason we picked each other.

That just because I was expecting LM to be a woman, that doesn’t mean I’m not happy to be doing this with him .

I just need to convince him I can handle being with a man. And prove it to myself.

“Well, I’m excited,” I assure him, and I mean it. I want to go. I want to meet his dad, see the farm, catch a glimpse of what his day-to-day life is like.

“Oh yeah?” he says, raising an eyebrow. “You sure you’re ready for farm living? It's early mornings and hard work, there’s no staff to help you with chores and no one around to cook for you, rich boy.”

“But you’ll be there,” I say, grinning. “You can cook for me.”

He barks a laugh as I bat my eyelashes at him. “And what will you be doing while I do all the farm work, chores, and cooking?”