Page 50 of The Reality of Wanting Him (Love Without Labels #1)

Well, that’s fucking adorable. As impressed as I am by his gesture, and as much as I know my heart is already opening itself up to him again, I also know that I need to give myself the time he’s offering.

I need to do this, both for me, and to give us any real chance.

My emotions have really been through the wringer these last few days, and I know I’m still holding on to some hurt and hesitation over what happened.

I need to be sure I can truly and completely forgive him, or it might end up causing problems for us down the line .

“I don’t know how long it will take,” I admit. “This has brought up a lot of shit from my past I thought I’d already dealt with. I went to therapy and everything, but I guess it was deeper than I realized.”

Blake nods and reaches out a hand to take mine in his. It’s not a tight grip, more so a gesture to let me know he’s here to listen and support me. “If you want to talk, I want to listen.”

I hesitate, but remind myself he deserves to know.

He just bared his soul to me, and if we’re going to make this work, I can offer him the same in return.

Clearing my throat, I give his hand a little squeeze and offer a small smile.

“I was with this guy in college who made me think I was his future. It was nothing like this ”—I gesture between us—“not even close. But for being that young, it felt real. Turns out, I was naive to think that, because he was still long-distance dating his high school girlfriend the entire time. I walked in on them having sex and was shocked to find out I was the other guy.”

Blake lets out a groan and his face turns red as his grip on my hand tightens a little. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he practically growls.

“I wish I was.” I shake my head. “I felt like the biggest idiot. Like I should have known that I was just an experiment to him while he was living another life, the one he actually wanted to be living. He ended up marrying her, and I was left with a lot of healing to do around being someone’s second choice and experiment.

It’s part of why honesty is so important to me because that situation was so shocking.

He also really liked football and sports.

I spent a lot of time trying to be enough for him, and it turns out no matter what I did, it never would’ve mattered. ”

As much as I don’t want to hurt Blake, I need to get the next part out.

He said total honesty, and I need to show him that same level of respect.

“That’s how I felt when your mom told me about the ultimatum, Blake, and even more so when you couldn’t deny that you’d hidden it from me.

Like I was a convenient experiment to you while you earned the money you were really after.

It felt like walking in on them all over again.

It seemed like once you married me, you’d secure your wealth and could move on with your straight-guy life, forgetting all about me. ”

“No. Never, Liam. My straight-guy life is so over. I want my future to be you and only you.” He steps forward, cradling my face in his hands, forcing me to meet his hazel eyes that are welling up with tears.

“You’re it for me, babe. There is no moving on.

You’re not convenient, you never were. You’re my person.

The only person I want to spend my life with.

My mom is a selfish asshole who cares way more about her image than she ever has about her own children, and I’m sorry I didn’t protect you from her hate.

I’m so sorry she made you doubt yourself, and us, and I promise, you never have to see her again. ”

I simply nod.

“Thank you for telling me,” he says as he pulls our foreheads together.

“I’m sorry, Blake. I’m sorry for not having more of a conversation before leaving.

I just needed to get out of there, and hearing that it was true hurt so much.

I still need time, though,” I remind him, pulling back even though there’s a part of me that never wants to let go.

“I need to make sure we’re in a good place before we can move forward so there’s no tension or resentment that comes up in the future, but know I still care about you, and I still love you. ”

“I know,” he assures. “And I’ll give you as much time as you need.

But I’m not going anywhere. Unless you explicitly tell me to leave.

I’m not trying to force myself on you if you really want to be done.

I promise to respect you if you tell me to go.

I’m just trying to show you how much you mean to me, and to continue to choose you.

If I ever earn the right to wear this again, I’ll be honored. ”

He takes my hand, carefully placing my father’s ring, the ring I gave him, in my palm before gently closing my fist around it. Then he leaves a soft kiss on my forehead before turning to walk out the door.

I’m still kind of in shock over what just happened, over how much might have changed in that one conversation.

I want to be with him, desperately. But I also know I need to work on my own issues before I can fully forgive him, and before we can have any shot at a future where a part of me doesn’t still resent him and everything that happened.

But it looks like we have time to do that now, so let’s see how this goes.