Page 10 of The Reality of Wanting Him (Love Without Labels #1)

BLAKE

Producers: What’s something your future spouse might see as a red flag?

Blake: I can't cook, like at all. Let's hope they fall in love with my personality and don't mind takeout.

W as that seriously the timer already? Damn.

That went by quickly. Before our date started, I was a little worried that LM would be more reluctant to talk after they admitted to being overwhelmed by the process last night.

Lucky for me, they must have had some renewed energy today because that was probably the best date I’ve had so far.

There’s something about them that seems so much more real than the other contestants.

While everyone has been nice, I’m still having to refer to my notes to remember the details about what we’ve talked about for most of them.

Not LM though. We’ve covered some important topics already, and I remember them all.

Hopefully I didn’t turn them off too much by being so honest about my struggles in past relationships—being late and forgetful aren’t exactly selling points.

Some people find that kind of thing charming, but others?

Not so much. Maybe my mother was onto something, and I can blame all the hits I’ve taken to the head when they eventually find out I used to play football.

Football has been such a huge part of my life beyond just watching it, but I know I can’t say that yet, not on the show.

The fact that I was drafted would give away my gender and that would defeat the purpose of this whole experiment.

I definitely don’t want to risk getting kicked off for breaking the rules .

Still, it feels weird to hold back something that was my entire life for so long—like I’m being honest about everything except the one thing that probably shaped me the most.

L said honesty is really important to them, and it is to me too, that’s why I wanted to be as real as I could tonight.

The last thing I want is for them to feel like I’m hiding things.

I know the truth about football will come out eventually, but for now, I just hope that what I did share was enough to show I’m serious about this—about talking with them, and about what this is becoming.

And if they decide my flaws are deal breakers… well, I guess I’d rather they know now than be blindsided later.

I love the idea of a partner cooking for me or doing small acts of service like that to show they care, but I didn’t want to give them the wrong impression about what I bring to a relationship.

There’s a chance that I just haven’t been with the right person yet, and that’s why it’s been hard for me to remember the “little things,” but I’ve also never been particularly good at that stuff for friends either.

I don’t want to be a disappointment if it’s what they’re expecting.

Although, LM didn’t seem like they wanted their partner to show love the same way they were describing.

If anything, I got the sense that they’d rather be the one doing the acts of service.

And when I talked about liking the idea of spending a lot of time with my future partner, and how I like to show affection in more physical ways, they didn’t seem put off by it either .

This was my final date of this round, which means the next couple of days are less structured.

We can schedule as much time as we want for these more formal date calls when we come into this room, but now we’re also able to message or call directly from our phones through the app, which still changes our voice.

Before we go back to our apartments, I want to figure out LM’s preferred method of communication. “Hey, before we go, I’d love to keep talking with you if you’re open to it,” I say.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that too,” LM responds, and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

“I know yesterday was a lot, and I want to respect your boundaries as much as possible, so how should I contact you? Would you prefer to schedule more dates in here, or would you rather message in the app? We can even message first and see if the other person is free for a call from our phones now too,” I suggest, kind of rambling as I tell them things they already know.

Why am I so nervous right now? They already said they want to keep talking.

“I do like to have a plan, so maybe we can set up another formal date, but I’m also open to the idea of talking more in the apartments,” they suggest.

“I like the sounds of that! Best of both worlds,” I agree. “I’ll send you another formal date request for tomorrow, but hopefully we can talk before then too?”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you soon, B. Bye.”

“Talk to you soon, L,” I say, and I hear their door click as they must leave their date room.

BB

So what’s the best part about living on a farm? I keep picturing cute cartoon versions of farm animals running around with Lucky lol.

LM

LOL. We only have chickens on our farm for eggs as of right now. They’re basically my pets though. I think they’re as cute as whatever cartoon you’re probably picturing and are definitely one of the best parts. I would love to build them a new coop though, the one we’ve got right now is pretty old.

BB

Ohh like a mansion for the chickens? I love that, you could decorate it to look like a mini house or something, give them the space they deserve. You said for right now, do you want more animals?

LM

There are a lot of things I would love to do for the farm and getting more animals is one of them.

But the investment required for that sort of thing is a lot more than I think most people would assume.

And I wouldn’t want animals for slaughter, I don’t think I could ever be that kind of farmer.

But I’d love to have some more animals for milk, and just for selfish reasons because I really enjoy their company.

BB

Doesn’t sound selfish to me, I bet they would love your company too. You should totally do it with the money you’ll get from the show.

LM

Maybe. What about you? What would you want to do with the money?

BB

I’ll just be happy to leave the show married. My new spouse can decide what they want to do with it.

I catch myself before I say wife instead of spouse. Before being on the show, I wasn’t used to being so careful with words that imply gender, but I think I’ve adjusted quickly. It’s not like it’s actually difficult.

LM and I have been casually sending messages back and forth since the end of our date this morning.

I sent another date invite right away and they scheduled one for early tomorrow.

I’m glad that we have another one planned because I had such a blast this morning, but I’m also super relieved that we won’t need to wait until then to keep talking.

I’ve been reading the texting conversation aloud as we have it, but I should probably add even more for the camera.

“I’m not sure if I should talk too much about money yet.

What I told LM is true, I don’t care about the prize money.

I feel weird not telling someone that I’m building a potential relationship with that I come from a wealthy family, but I also don’t want someone to pursue me because of that,” I explain.

I also reassure myself that not telling them makes sense when my own financial situation is so dependent on my success on the show anyway, and it’s not like I could explain the ultimatum my parents gave me.

Anyone who agreed to marry me after knowing about it, or because of it, would most likely be after the money for themselves.

The last year and a half of trying to find a spouse has led to it being about so much more than the money for me.

I’m hoping to find someone I actually want to spend my life with.

I go back to thinking aloud. “I can always bring that up in a later round when I’m focused on less people.

” I’ve sent some messages to my other matches today too, and I have a few more dates scheduled either tonight or tomorrow.

I look to the camera again so that the audience can know where my head is at in regards to the other contestants.

“My chat with LM is definitely holding most of my attention. The more I talk to them and the more I learn about them, the more excited I am about this entire process,” I admit.

Maybe it’s naive, but after talking to some of the other contestants, I’ve started to get my hopes up about this actually working.

I know my best shot at finding the right person is to be genuine with all of them.

Not the shallow, surface-level way I’ve handled relationships in the past. Starting with L, I focus back on our messaging app and read the next one aloud.

LM

Not sure if that’s meant to be a romantic statement or if you really care so little about money…

“I definitely don't want to lie to them, we talked a lot about honesty in our date today,” I tell the camera as I think over how to respond.

BB

I guess it’s a little of both. I grew up with money so I’ve only had to start thinking about it more recently. But I also really like the idea of having a partner to share big decisions like that with.

LM

That does sound nice, having someone to weigh-in on important choices, be there for the tough times, or celebrate victories with.

That’s pretty much why I signed up for the show.

I’ve always wanted a partner for those moments, but spending so much time on the farm made it harder to find that person.

BB

Being in a big city of people didn’t work out for my dating life any better. Maybe we were both meant to end up here, and that's why things haven’t worked out for us yet.

LM

That’s a nice thought. I’ve got to go for a bit but maybe we can find a time to call tonight?

BB

Definitely, just let me know when you’re free!

I end up chatting with RR for a bit over text while I wait for my next formal date.

If LM is busy, RR is probably the one who’s got my attention next.

Our conversation flows easily, and I definitely have a great time talking with them, but it feels like my previous relationships where we don’t actually talk about anything important.

I have a date with MW, then another with RR before dinner.

They're both fine. With RR, I try to dig a little deeper than our texts by asking about their passions, and they talk about fashion, different fabrics and when the best time to wear them is. I find myself doodling a chicken in my notes instead of focusing on what they’re saying.

I’m not ready to write them off—it’s only day two—but my gut keeps pulling me back toward LM. And I’ve learned to trust that feeling.

When I’m back in the kitchen, I decide to shoot my shot and see if LM is free to talk while I cook.

BB

Any chance you want to try out the call function on this app to talk while I’m making dinner?

LM

Sure, I was just about to make something too.

BB

Awesome, one sec!

I tap the call button in the app and LM answers on the second ring.

“Hello?” they ask in that robotic distorted tone I’ve started to get used to. The only option for the calls is speakerphone so that the audience can hear too.

“Hey, L. So, what are you making? ”

“I think I’ll make a casserole so that I can have the leftovers another time when I don’t feel like cooking.”

“Wait, that’s so smart! I need to start doing that. I’m having some chicken and a salad because I’m still worried I’ll be the one burning my meal and causing the fire they warned us not to start,” I admit.

“Wow, I think I might be morally obligated to teach you to cook then, for everyone’s safety,” L teases. Even with the voice changing the show uses, I think I’ve adjusted to the way LM speaks enough to know when they’re joking around.

“That would be amazing actually. Maybe we can do more calls like this where you walk me through it?” I suggest hopefully.

“I’d be happy to,” L responds, and I realize I’m beaming.

We chat throughout the rest of our meals.

I tell them a bit about my life in the city, my friends, and a little more about my mom’s charity for cancer research.

When I mention what the charity raises money for, L gets quiet.

I don’t want to push them to open up about anything potentially sensitive if they’re not ready, so I pivot.

I ask for the names of their chickens and tell them that I’ve been trying to draw them today.

It gets the laugh I was hoping for, and the tension lifts.

Then they launch into stories about growing up in a small town, and just like that, the conversation flows again.

It sounds nice. I’m sure there are some things I would miss about the city, but if I’m being honest with myself, there’s nothing keeping me there—and I’m sure Lucky would love the open space and time outside.

I love hanging out with my friends, but they’re starting to settle down too.

It’s not like I hope we’re still watching football and drinking four nights a week together in a few years.

And my mom’s charity events don’t really need me.

I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve spent working there over the last year, but the foundation has plenty of volunteers. I’m not offering anything special .

L is definitely tied to the farm, though. And the more I think about it, the more I hope I get to see it for myself once we’re out of these apartments.

Which makes me realize something else. I really hope they pick me.

I have the phone on speaker on the pillow next to me as I lay down, and I wonder if L is doing the same thing.

“Is it embarrassing if I admit that I’m laying in bed, but I’m not ready to stop talking to you?” I ask.

“I hope it’s not embarrassing because I’m doing the same thing.”

I can’t seem to relax the permanent smile that’s been on my face the whole time we’ve been talking. “Cool, then I won’t say goodnight yet. Tell me something about yourself that your future spouse should know,” I ask, feeling bold as I get comfortable in my bed.

They don’t respond right away, and I wonder if they fell asleep.