Page 15 of The Reality of Wanting Him (Love Without Labels #1)

LIAM

Producer: Is there anything about this process that concerns you?

Liam: Um, I guess my biggest concern would be that I find someone I want to be with, and they don’t want to move to my farm. I’ve tried to set the expectation with everyone I’ve talked to that the farm is my future, but thinking you could live somewhere is different than seeing it.

T he last few days have been a lot, and I’m so grateful I decided to keep an open mind—especially considering the fact that my only interest now is in BB. Yup, the disastrous first date, wasn’t-even-in-my-top-ten, is now the only one I’m interested in.

I’ve put all my mental energy into making sure I’m confident in who I still want to be dating.

I’ve slowly ended my other connections one by one.

All RL wanted to talk about was photography.

Which is fine, I get it, that’s their thing.

But when every conversation circles back to camera settings, lighting techniques, and the philosophy of capturing a moment, I started checking out.

I’m happy they’re passionate, but I don’t think I need to spend my life hearing about cameras and photography.

Then there was AP who was great, and I did like them, but as time passed, our connection started to feel like it was fading.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they found someone they connected with more, and I can’t be mad about that.

That’s what this whole thing is about—finding the person who really fits—and I wasn’t going to keep forcing something that wasn’t what either of us really wanted.

The only other person I’ve really connected with is JR, but we both agreed it was completely platonic.

From the beginning, talking with them has felt like an easy, no-pressure friendship.

We even agreed to keep each other in our top two for emotional support.

I’ve loved having someone I could just talk to openly while here since I couldn’t talk to my dad or my friends back home.

Which leaves BB as my other top-two choice. My only romantic focus, and that’s absolutely terrifying . What if they don’t pick me? What if I’m feeling this connection so much stronger than they are? What if I meet them in person and end up feeling the same way I did about them on our first date?

I think that last thought is the most concerning, like maybe I’ve made up this entire layered, kind, funny person in my head, but when we actually meet, they’ll just revert back to only talking about football.

The possibility of leaving here single, and having to return to dating apps as my only way to meet people—dealing with awkward first dates and meaningless small talk— that’s the scariest thought of all . I can’t ever do that again. If that’s my future, I’d rather give up on dating altogether.

This experience has been so much better than I’d dare to hope for before coming.

And after making this connection with B—feeling like I might have found a real partner, picturing what it would be like to have them back on the farm with me—I can’t bear the thought of having to start over with someone else if it does end up falling apart.

I also don’t want to convince myself to settle for someone I don’t actually care about just to avoid being alone. So as much as it really is BB or bust for me, I know there’s still a very real possibility I could be going home alone if the connection changes after we meet.

All of this back and forth as I try to manage my expectations of what could happen with what I'm hoping will happen, is only stressing me out more. I have a good feeling about BB, and I should focus on that. I want to keep dating them, to see where it could lead.

I text JR to help calm my nerves since I know they’re in a similar situation.

LM

On a scale of “mild anxiety” to “full blown freak out” how stressed are you about tonight?

JR

LOL, full blown panic. Who knew only leaving one person as your top pick would be so nerve-wracking.

LM

We definitely should have thought of that sooner. Not that I had any other options I actually liked haha. I really don’t want to leave here alone. I can’t fathom the thought of dating again outside of this experience.

JR

I’m right there with you. At least we formed a solid friendship out of this, right? But from what it sounds like on your end, BB is likely to pick you too.

LM

I really, really hope so. How are things with KD?

JR

Good! I think we’ve built a really strong connection, it’s almost like I’ve known them for years instead of a few days. But then again, it’s my ONLY connection so I hope they feel it as strongly as I do.

LM

I get that. That’s how it is with BB for me. I didn’t expect it at all, but now I can’t imagine leaving here without them.

JR

I feel the same way. Although, KD has been in my top since the beginning, unlike BB for you, haha. But it’s terrifying not knowing for sure if you’ll be picked and if they feel the same way about us that we feel about them.

LM

Here’s to hoping for double dates in the future! Keep me updated on how it goes. I want to know everything.

JR

Same to you!

I put my phone down after that last message.

I meant what I said—I really do hope we both leave here engaged. And not just because I don’t want to leave alone, but because I don’t want to leave without BB.

I don’t know exactly when the casual dates turned into something real, but I feel it now. It’s different with B.

Every time I talk to them, the rest of this ridiculous experiment fades into the background. I don’t think about the cameras, the producers, the pressure to find someone. It’s just them. They’re all I care about .

I loved our puzzle and painting date. I wasn’t sure what to expect going into it, but BB kept things fun, just like they always do.

Even when we’re just on the phone cooking our own separate dinners, or decompressing from the day, they’ve continued to surprise me. I’ve found myself really enjoying it.

I already submitted my top two, so now I just wait, staring at the blob of colors that loosely resemble a mountain that B painted.

It really is bad, but every time I look at it, I can’t help but smile.

The waiting is causing me so much more stress than I ever expected.

I kind of want to text BB and beg them to pick me, but I won’t.

Obviously, it needs to be their decision.

I’ve been trying to envision leaving this two-bedroom apartment to move into a one-bedroom with BB, but it’s so hard to do without knowing their gender or looks or voice.

It’s going to be interesting to see how our relationship feels once we’ve met each other, and to try connecting everything I know about them from my limited perspective to reality.

Finally, after what feels like days, I get the notification that BB wants to continue with me, and the relief I feel is monumental. I immediately open our texts and send one.

LM

Well, that was the longest wait of my entire life.

BB

I had to keep you on your toes ;)

LM

Mission accomplished lol. Now I can breathe again.

BB

Glad to hear you really wanted me. Like I said, I’m a catch.

LM

A humble catch, clearly. Good to know what I’m signing up for.

BB

You already signed up. No take-backs!

LM

Guess I’ll just have to deal with it then.

BB

Yep. And trust me, you won’t regret it!

BB

To be honest though, I’ve been waiting too. I think the show held back our answers to add drama, I was just about to message you when yours came through. I’m glad this isn’t over.

Day six flies by in a blur. I spend most of it talking with B, having another formal date in the other room where we just continue our conversation from our texts. I’m trying really hard not to overthink everything and panic, but I can’t stop myself from anticipating something going wrong.

I also may or may not text JR one too many times because I’m definitely freaking out.

But, in my defense, having someone to talk and vent to was the whole reason we decided to pick each other.

There weren’t any rules against that. Not having my phone to talk to my friends about this big decision would have left me absolutely spiraling.

I never expected to be this invested in the show.

Luckily for JR, KD picked them in their top two as well, so we’ve both made it to the last day at least. I haven’t heard from JR yet on if KD agreed to move in, but I know they’re planning to ask today.

Now, I’m sitting in the date room again, waiting for B to come in so I can ask them if they want to continue this experience and move in with me. I’m confident, but definitely still freaking out. I mean, how can I not be when my entire future depends on it? Dramatic much?

I want to believe BB feels the same way I do, but I have no idea how they’re actually feeling.

I know it’s not just me in their top two, there’s still one other person they’re considering.

We can view each other’s calendars to send requests to schedule dates when they’re free, so I know that they had other dates scheduled in this top two period.

I really doubt that they also decided to have a completely platonic friend as their second option.

I hate that I don’t know for certain where I stand with B. Every conversation we’ve had has felt real, like we’re both all-in, but what if I’ve misread everything? What if I’ve let myself get caught up in something they don’t feel as strongly about? What if their other connection is stronger?

Panicking doesn’t even cover it.

Especially since we had the really important conversation about kids. I didn’t realize how much I was holding my breath, waiting for that answer, until I heard BB say they wanted to be a parent too.

I’ve always envisioned the farm with a few kids running around—helping feed the chickens in the morning, spending time outside with my dad and I, learning the same lessons he taught me growing up. I want that kind of life, and I want it even more with someone who wants the same thing.

Yesterday, we talked more about what kind of parents we’d be and what values matter most to us.

They joked that they’d be the fun one while I’d be the responsible one.

They’re probably not wrong, and yet, it doesn’t bother me.

Even though neither of us specified that we’d be parenting the same kids, it sure felt like that’s what we were talking about, and I loved it.

We talked about their dog, what we like to do to unwind, and how we handle stress.

BB joked that I’d probably have to remind them where they put their keys every day if we lived together.

My stomach definitely had some butterflies at the casual suggestion.

I admitted that I have a bad habit of leaving dishes in the sink just a little too long.

Curse of living alone and spending all my time outside of the house.

It was those conversations that made everything feel less hypothetical and more like this could actually turn into a real, lasting, life-long relationship. That’s always been my intention, but it’s never felt like such a real possibility.

As I’m waiting for B to enter their room, I’m so grateful they can’t see the nerves that are definitely radiating off of me.

“I’m so anxious right now. It all comes down to this,” I say into the cameras I know are recording in the otherwise quiet room.

“I’m going to ask them to take the next step and move in with me. ”

After a few more minutes of waiting, I hear the sound of the door closing, and B says, “L? Are you here?”

“Hey, yes!” I’m now also very grateful they can’t hear my real voice because I know that would have been incredibly squeaky and high pitched.

“So, how are you doing? Are you nervous?” B asks, like they’re completely calm and collected over there while I’m barely able to stay in my seat with how fast my leg is bouncing.

“Yes, definitely.” I let out a little laugh because I honestly think I’ll cry if I don’t. The amount of pressure I’m feeling right now is unreal. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this nervous before.

There's a muffled sound as they let out a deep breath. “Yeah. I mean, it’s a big decision, right? We went from strangers to this in, what, a week?”

“Yeah.” I swallow hard. “But it doesn’t feel rushed, does it?”

B is quiet for a moment, and somehow my fear manages to multiply, even more terrified that I’ve misread everything. But then they speak, and their voice seems softer this time. “No, it doesn’t.”

I take a breath, steadying myself. They wouldn’t have said that if they were done with me. Right? “So… I guess there’s only one thing left to do.”

B exhales a short laugh. “Yeah. I guess so. L, will you move in with me?”

Wait, did I just hear that right? I was so sure I’d be the one asking. I had this whole nervous speech prepared in my head. I’d already accepted having to put myself out there first. But now, here B is, flipping the script and asking me instead.

Somehow, it makes this moment even better.

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding as a massive smile takes over my face. “Yes! Of course. Yeah, I will.”

B lets out a relieved laugh. “So, it’s official,” B says, way louder than before. “We’re moving in together!”

It’s happening. This is really happening! This is no longer just an idea or a hypothetical next step in the show—we’re actually going to be sharing a space. I’m nervous and excited. My adrenaline is through the roof, but I feel good, like I’ve made the right choice.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” B asks.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever actually ready to move in with someone they’ve never seen before,” I joke. “But with you? Yeah. I think I am.”

My face hurts from how hard I’m smiling. I finally get to meet them face-to-face. A whole new wave of nervous energy flows over me, but I know that this time, it’s also full of excitement. I can’t wait to meet you, B.