Page 24 of The Reality of Wanting Him (Love Without Labels #1)

I roll over in bed, feeling the warmth of Blake still wrapped around me.

The guy sleeps like he doesn’t have a care in the world, and it’s so fitting for him.

His arm is slung around my waist, his leg tangled in mine, and he’s already treating me like I’m his personal body pillow.

He’s talked about cuddling his dog a lot, and I know he’s missing her, but I kind of hope that when he’s reunited with her, he still wants to cuddle me, too.

I carefully grab my phone from the nightstand, squinting at the screen before sending a text to JR.

LM:

You awake yet? B is still out like a baby despite falling asleep first again last night.

It takes less than a minute before my phone buzzes with a reply.

JR:

Not sure what’s worse—finding out you’re dating a straight man, or finding out you’re dating the person who’s hated you for the last fifteen years. Tough call.

I smirk, shaking my head as I type back.

LM:

I’ll take my relationship, thanks. It actually isn’t so bad.

Everyone watching this show is going to think this was so scripted.

I mean, what are the chances the guy who only wanted to match with women ended up in a relationship with me?

I know the viewers will say we were matched up together intentionally or that we’re playing it up for the cameras.

But the thing is, none of this feels fake, especially not with the way he kisses me.

My phone buzzes again.

JR:

We’ve made it through our first few days, we got this.

I let out a small huff of laughter, shaking my head as I type back.

LM:

Yeah, we do. Excited to finally meet you later! Gonna be so weird but cool, haha. Can’t believe I still don’t know what you look like.

Today’s a big day—we finally get to meet the other contestants who matched up with their partners face-to-face. It’s the first time we’ll all be in a group setting, and as much as this whole process has been weird as hell, I’m looking forward to it.

Mostly because I’ll finally get to meet JR—who I now know is a man named Jace—in person.

We both had eventful and unexpected reveals, and talking to him the last few days has made everything feel more grounded.

I already know we’re going to be good friends, and I’m grateful that I have someone who understands exactly what it’s like to be falling for someone who they might not have the best chance with.

While I didn’t find anyone else I truly connected with, I know Blake did.

I feel good about us, but I can’t be sure he won’t change his mind today if he finds out his number two choice is actually a woman.

He came into this show looking for a wife .

He thought he would only match with women and he ended up with me.

And even though he keeps telling me he’s okay with this, that it doesn’t bother him, that he wants me, tonight’s actions will really prove it to me in a way words alone can’t.

Wanting someone in the heat of the moment is different than choosing them as your partner for the rest of your life.

It’s easy for him to say all the right things when we’re wrapped up in each other, but what happens when the real world sets in? When people see us together? When he’s really with a man out in the open? When his friends ask him about his sexuality? When his parents meet me at his hometown visit?

What happens if I believe him now, let myself fall all the way for him, and then he changes his mind about dealing with all that ?

To say I’m stressed about how today will go is an understatement.

I try to calm my nerves as we walk onto the rooftop bar the show has created at our building.

I don’t remember a time I’ve ever felt this nervous.

Well, besides right before walking into the shared apartment and meeting Blake for the first time, and that sure didn’t go the way I’d hoped it would.

But he's been giving our relationship real effort since his initial moment of surprise, so I'm trying to ignore my hesitations about being the first man he's been with.

Before we left our apartment, producers delivered nametags to our room.

Mine says, “LM - Liam,” and Blake’s, of course, says, “BB - Blake,” both in bold black ink.

It’s a stark reminder that after tonight, no one will be anonymous anymore, every conversation we had will be remembered as we meet the other contestants.

Are people going to act like strangers? Or bring up the things we talked about?

Blake seems calm, which feels very on-brand for him. If he’s nervous, he doesn't show it.

As we walk in, everyone turns to look at us expectantly, and Blake takes that as them looking for an introduction.

There are only six other people here. I guess I forgot that if people didn’t match up, they went home.

I know JR will be here because they matched with KD, but I’m not sure who else is left.

“Hey, I’m Blake, also known as BB,” he says, flashing his trademark grin that’s starting to really grow on me, before slinging an arm around my shoulder. “And this is my partner, Liam, or LM as you might know him.”

Excuse me while I fucking melt . I can’t help it—with how nervous I am that he’s going to drop me for a safer option, the way he said “partner” like it didn’t faze him makes me swoon .

Maybe I do mean more to him than I’ve let myself believe.

We walk into the crowd and one more couple joins the bar after we arrive. JR thankfully comes up and introduces himself as soon as Blake steps away to grab us drinks.

“Hey, man! It’s so good to finally meet you.” He laughs, pointing to his name tag. “I’m Jace.”

It’s so surreal to finally put a face and voice to him after all our conversations.

After talking for a short time, it’s obvious that we get along just like I expected we would.

As hard as I try, I can’t give him my full attention, though.

I’m really interested in what’s happened between him and KD, but I’m too distracted when I realize that the attractive woman who stopped Blake on his way to the bar is RR.

RR, who is, in fact, a woman. A woman who’s wearing expensive clothes with a face full of makeup, long nails, and bleach-blonde hair. RR who looks like the perfect trophy wife for the rich, hot, ex-NFL drafted man who was making out with me on our couch last night.

They’re standing closer together than needed, her hand casually brushing his arm as she leans in.

My heart is racing. This is exactly what I was worried about, except the reality of watching it happen in front of me is so much worse than the hypothetical.

He isn’t doing anything, they’re just talking . He picked me, I try to remind myself.

“I’m sorry, one second,” I mutter distractedly to Jace.

Before I can make the conscious decision to move, I’m walking toward Blake, but I don’t make it far.

Suddenly, a guy who seems like RR’s partner appears, who also looks to be in his late twenties or early thirties, and as he notices Blake, RR’s hand falls away. Good.

I’m close enough to hear them, even if no one’s seemed to notice me. “Wait, you’re Blake Barclay? Like NFL-draft Blake Barclay? ”

I freeze mid-step as I see the muscles in Blake’s back tense slightly before nodding.

He immediately perks up, asking Blake question after question: “What happened? Were you injured? Did the pressure get to you? How did it feel to be so close to your dream only to have it slip through your fingertips?’ ”

Blake told me he was drafted, but I didn’t realize it was this big of a deal. Or that he was the kind of player people recognized. I feel guilty for dismissing it the way I did. It has to be painful to have people bring up your failures and prod you with questions about why you weren’t good enough.

The guy walks away after RR asks him to get them food from the buffet that’s set up across the roof.

I’m standing behind Blake, and RR seems to only have eyes for him, so they still haven’t noticed me.

I want to talk to him about it and let him know that I’m sorry I was so dismissive about football.

I also want to know why he hasn’t told me how big of a deal he was.

I’m feeling like a pretty shit partner right now for not asking more questions when it was clearly such a big part of this life.

RR gives a sideways glance at her partner like she’s waiting for him to be far enough away before she says something for only his ears.

I should walk away, but I don’t. Maybe I’m self-sabotaging or just desperate to hear Blake shut her down and mention me.

Either way, I stay frozen in place. It’s like my feet are stuck to the floor as my stomach flips and twists, anticipating what will happen next.

RR starts talking, and Blake seems just as focused on her as she is on him.

Are they already so absorbed in each other that he’s forgotten me already?

“You know, it isn’t too late to fix our mistake. We both know we should’ve ended up together.” RR’s voice is almost sickeningly sweet, and my stomach fucking drops as I watch her touch him again as soon as her partner is out of sight.

My blood turns to ice, and it feels like the air is knocked out of me at her suggestion. But what makes me more sick is the fact that Blake doesn’t pull away in disbelief, and it’s exactly what I feared coming here tonight.

Every doubt I’ve tried to bury crashes back over me at once, ripping through whatever fragile hope I’d built.

All the smiles he gave me. Every laugh he pulled from me.

I shoved my fears aside and let myself believe he might actually be different.

That this could be real. I’ve been so stupid for thinking I meant more to him than the thrill of something new.

He was just saving face in front of the cameras.

I actually let myself get carried away with someone else who was ready to drop me at the first opportunity.

I can’t believe I thought he was different, that we could be something real.

I should’ve known better than to fall this fast.

I can’t stay here and watch this blow up in my face. I need to pull the fuck back before it’s too late.

If it isn’t already.