Page 25 of The Reality of Wanting Him (Love Without Labels #1)

BLAKE

Producers: Would you describe yourself as someone who struggles with apologies or accepting blame?

Blake: As someone who accidentally fucks up a lot, I’m definitely not afraid to apologize.

M y mother paid the nannies to raise me to be polite toward women.

I’m trying to remember that when all I want to do is snap at Rachel—aka RR—to let go of me .

I’ve tried to be nice, but she’s ignoring all my not-so-subtle attempts to put space between us.

Her grip on my arm might look casual, but it feels like her fake nails are digging into my forearm.

I wish Liam would come over here and save me.

I had a great time talking with RR during the blind dating portion of the show.

It was easy. She is exactly the kind of woman I expected to leave the show married to.

But I am so relieved I followed my gut and chose Liam.

I’m not having any doubts about it, but seeing Rachel in person only confirmed my suspicions that I could never be in a truly happy relationship with her.

She’s beautiful, she clearly puts a lot of effort into her appearance—lots of makeup, curled hair, those sharp-ass painted nails.

I’m sure my mother would love her and her designer clothes.

None of my friends would question me marrying this woman.

But I would be so fucking bored.

Our dates would be easy because we’re used to the same lifestyle: living off our family’s money in New York City, focused more on image and fun than on anything real.

Our conversation flowed because I’ve talked to a hundred girls just like her before.

There’s nothing about Rachel that stands out, or that makes me want to spend time learning every detail I can about her.

Not like I want to get to know Liam. When Rachel talked about her life, I wasn’t imagining myself as a part of it like I’ve always done with Liam’s farm. I doubt I’ll ever be bored with him.

Her partner, a guy who looks around my age, must be a big football fan because he immediately jumped into the same interrogation I’ve heard a hundred times now.

“What happened? Were you injured? Did the pressure get to you? How did it feel to be so close to your dream only to have it slip through your fingertips?”

It actually felt fucking fantastic dude, thanks so much for bringing it up so I could relive it now.

Rachel must have wanted him out of here because she quickly asked him to go grab them food. She seems even more interested in talking to me after finding out that I was nearly an NFL player.

Then she opened her mouth and left me speechless. “You know it isn’t too late to fix our mistake. We both know we should’ve ended up together.”

It takes me a moment to answer, needing to process her suggestion. “Excuse me? What?” I finally scoff. What the hell is she talking about? I know I should say more, but I’m honestly too shocked by her comment to truly make sense of what she said, let alone form some sort of lengthy response .

“Come on, Blake, have you ever publicly dated a man before?” The look on my face must answer her question because she continues.

“You were in the NFL. You might be okay with being with a man here, on a queer positive show, but do you think your football buddies are going to want to hang out with you and your husband ? God knows I was surprised to find out Kieth only knew so much about expensive cars because he’s a fucking mechanic.

” She scoffs like that's some horrible offense. She drops her voice to a whisper. “I can’t bring him back to my family, they’ll laugh at me.

I only stayed so I could meet you, and I’m so glad I did.

No one will blame us if we go to the producers and explain that we made a mistake in the final round and that we should have picked each other.

They’ll love the drama for the show, and we can both get the relationship we were looking for when we came here. We’re not getting any younger.”

Her explanation is ridiculous, and I give up on being polite, yanking my arm out of her grip so I can step back.

“Rachel, I don’t know what’s going on with you and your partner, but I’m very happy with who I chose. I want to be with Liam, and I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks, including my football buddies.”

“You seriously want to marry a man at the end of the month?” she asks, eyebrows practically in her hair, not accepting a word I just said.

“Yes, I want to marry Liam at the end of the month,” I emphasize.

“Why are you even here? You sound really homophobic right now. I don’t care that he’s a man.

I care about who he is as a person. I feel really fucking lucky that he chose me and that he wants to give us a real chance at a future.

Rachel, we could never be happy together.

Other than talking about wanting kids, I don’t think we had one meaningful conversation that whole week. ”

I feel like I owe her an explanation with how confused she still seems, but I’m also so fucking over this whole conversation.

I’d much rather be talking with Liam and his friend.

I wanted to meet JR after finding out he was only in Liam’s top two so they could be there to support each other as friends.

But when I turn to where I think Liam is talking to JR, I can’t see him anywhere. I only see who I’m assuming is JR glaring at me. Fuck. What did I do now?

“ Rachel, I wish you the best, but I want to be very clear that things are done between us. I need to go find Liam,” I say, not waiting for her to respond before I’m hurrying toward the man I’ve obviously pissed off.

“Hey, did you see where Liam went?” I ask JR, or Jace, after glancing at his name tag to confirm it’s him.

“He said something about not wanting to be dumped in front of the cameras. What the fuck were you and Rachel talking about?” His angry words feel like daggers piercing my chest as I try to catch up and figure out what I did wrong.

“Are you really planning to dump him for the first hot girl to throw herself at you? I know you thought you were straight, but that’s low. ”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t want her.

I want him. Where is he?” I repeat, trying and failing to stay calm.

I don’t give a shit about what this guy obviously thinks he saw happen between Rachel and me.

But with each passing second, the ball of dread in my gut grows.

I need to make sure Liam isn’t thinking the same thing.

“Probably packing up his things before you humiliate him further,” JR spits out.

Fuck!

I’m practically running out the door before he even finishes his sentence.

Liam has to know that I don’t care about Rachel.

Right? After yesterday’s makeout session, I was ready for more.

I still am. I know he said we should take things slow, but I thought he finally believed that I’m into him.

What could he possibly have seen to think I would ditch him that easily ?

I crash into our apartment door, trying to open it quickly, but it seems like the faster I try to get to Liam, the slower time feels.

I swear my heart is trying to escape my chest with how fast it’s beating.

I’m so fucking worried that he’ll already be gone that I nearly burst into tears when I find him still in our bedroom.

“Oh, thank god! You didn’t leave.” I’m panting as I try to gulp down enough air to keep talking.

“I needed some time away from the cameras,” he mutters, not looking at me from where he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, picking at his nail, staring intently at his thumb.

I move to stand in front of him, heart pounding—unsure if he wants space or closeness, but needing to be near him all the same just to reassure my racing heart that he’s still here. He didn’t leave.

“Liam, what the fuck happened? Why did Jace think I want to end things with you?” I ask desperately. He doesn’t respond immediately, and I can’t handle even a second of silence. “I don’t. I really don’t want that. I want nothing more than to be with you. That’s all I want. You, L.”

His head whips up, eyes roaming over my face like he’s searching for the lie in my expression.

“Blake, I heard you and Rachel talking. Don’t try to deny it.

I’m not anyone’s mistake. You came on the show expecting to leave with a wife.

Congratulations, looks like everything worked out for you.

” He drops his head again, and I can’t hold back from touching him any longer.

I grab his wrist, desperate for him to keep looking at me, to believe what I’m saying.

“Liam, the only one in this room who looks like they might be ready to leave the other is you. I don’t know how much you heard, but you must have left before I told Rachel how happy I am with you.

That at the end of the month, I’m hoping to marry you.

She might be regretting her own choices, but I’m not.

I wanted to date LM, and I still do. Hell, I want to marry you, Liam! ”

He finally meets my gaze, but he definitely doesn’t look convinced.

“I told her I chose you. That I still choose you. That I’m not interested in what could’ve been with someone else when what I have with you is real.”

“I want it to be real,” Liam finally says.

“I’m afraid of just how much I like you.

I knew I had feelings for you when we were in the first portion of the show.

But then, when I found out I wasn’t what you expected, I tried to hold myself back from falling even more.

It’s hard, though, because you’re so charming and silly.

You’re carefree and so the opposite of how I feel most of the time.

And while I admire that, I’m still scared that I’m going to keep falling and you’re going to realize my gender is a dealbreaker for you.

That you’d prefer someone else, and I’ll get hurt. ”