Page 86 of Surviving Slater

Jordan,

I didn't want to leave this world without asking you for your forgiveness. I knew reaching out to you if I was alive was only going to upset you so I decided to write this letter in the event of my death. I'm not even sure you will read this.

There are a lot of mistakes I've made in my life but what I did to you haunts me. Saying I'm sorry isn't enough but I was a coward and I was unable to take responsibility for my actions.

Not only was I not man enough to own up to what I did, I didn't want to hurt the people who love me.

I'm leaving the choice with you. I have included a statement that details my actions and you may share it with whoever you need to.

Know now I am paying for my sins and I will pay dearly for what I have done to you.

Phillip

I took a shaky breath as I put the letter beside me and looked at the second page. It was a full statement of him admitting he had abused me. It had his signature. I put it down and took another deep breath.

Slater was silent but I could feel his eyes on me.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

I let out an emotional breath. "Nothing."

Did his letter change anything? No. It didn't change what had happened, it didn't take away the shame I felt. The only confirmation his letter gave me was that he knew what he did had been wrong. I couldn't bring myself to use his statement to prove what he did to me. It would only cause more pain.

I rubbed my temple, feeling the familiar sting of tears. I swallowed.

Slater reached for me and pulled me to my feet. Confused, I looked up at him as his hands cradled my face gently. I stared into his eyes, which flickered to my lips before his lips gently touched mine.

It was a soft kiss that left my heart racing by the time he lifted his mouth from mine.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I had to do something. Seeing you like this is hard."

"Don't be sorry," I told him hoarsely. "Do it again."

His hand found mine. "Are you sure? I'm not sure that's a good idea."

I nodded. I needed him. "Please," I whispered.

He pulled me to him by my hand. His mouth covered mine as his arms wrapped around me. My arms encircled his waist and I opened my mouth as his tongue swept mine.

I concentrated on what I was feeling with this bad boy who held my heart firmly in his grasp, blocking out the rest. I didn't want to think about my past or my future. Even knowing what I shared with him here wouldn't last and would lead to heartbreak did nothing to deter me.

If this was all we had, then so be it.

His hands slipped under his baggy shirt I wore and he lifted it. I allowed him to take it off. Our lips met as I reached for his shirt, only breaking our kiss long enough for him to discard the clothing.

My hand soothed over his arms and I admired the swirl of colors there.

Mouth to mouth, skin to skin. My heart raced and every touch between us was amplified. He kissed me on my jaw and began to trail kisses down my neck. I held on to him when I felt my knees tremble.

He lifted me and laid me down on the bed. He discarded his jeans before he returned to me. The oversized sweatpants were easy for him to remove and then his last item of clothing dropped to the floor. He fished out a foil packet from his jeans and tore it open.

"This might make things worse," he whispered when he lay above me. I opened my legs and he moved between them.

"Don't stop," I told him in a murmur, pressing my lips to his as my arms wrapped around his neck and brought him down to kiss me.

In one swift stroke he filled me, and I gasped. His mouth covered mine. I clung to him, my legs wrapping around his hips. He set the rhythm and my hips met his.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel every single tingle, every movement of his body around mine.