Page 114 of Surviving Slater

"I was hurting," he explained, but I refused to allow his vulnerability to lessen my anger or ease my hurt. "Finding out the younger sister I have been mourning is alive and well and living under an assumed name was difficult to process."

It was no excuse for the way he had treated me. The truth was this hadn't just been one time. He had walked out on me so many times, breaking a piece of me that was now impossible to fix.

"I was angry you went behind my back. I didn't tell you about Shannon's suicide because I blamed myself for it. My actions led us to foster care and that made me responsible for her death. It's not something I was ready to reveal to anyone. Only Sin knew."

The emotions were evident in his blue eyes. But I held on to the ache in my chest, reminding me of how much he had hurt me.

"I was in shock finding out she was still alive. All that grief and mourning that had torn me to pieces was for nothing. And I was angry you went behind my back. I didn't want you to know," he admitted, rubbing his neck with his one hand. I swallowed, still staring at him.

"Why?" I asked. Did he think I would judge him? It only took a peek at my past to see I had my own events in my childhood that could be judged.

"You don't want the person you care about to know about your deepest, darkest secrets, the ones that might make them question their feelings for you."

I understood. "I trusted you with mine."

"What happened to you wasn't your fault. It wasn't the same for mine."

"Discovering what happened to Shannon didn't change how I felt about you." For some reason I needed him to know and understand that.

There were a few moments of silence.

"None of this changes anything," I stated. He had walked out on me, breaking my heart. "You told me you didn't want me at your place when you got back. The message was loud and clear. For the last five weeks I've carried on, trying to put it behind me. I'm not over you yet but I'm trying."

Our eyes held. He had been the one to trample all over me, time and time again.

"I don't want you to get over me." He wasn't making this easy. I kept silent. "I wanted to keep our connection superficial. Physical with no emotions. Feeling the way I do about you isn't something I can control. I knew if I fell for you it would only hurt me. Caring for you scares me. But you know what scares me more?"

I shrugged but the truth was I wanted to know.

"Losing you."

All of his words were right and they made me feel so much. But they still couldn't erase his past actions.

He moved closer. There was intent in his eyes and I felt the draw to him grab me, making it harder to think. His hand touched my arm. I looked down as he stopped in front of me.

"I can't do this," I said softly, looking up at him.

He was too close and I found it harder to breathe. My skin burned beneath his touch, needing more.

It would be so easy to give in and let him kiss me but I resisted.

His thumb brushed my lower lip and my defenses crumbled as he pressed his mouth to mine. Our physical attraction had never been the problem. I gave in just for a moment and that was all it took. His tongue swept against mine and I pressed my body up against his, overwhelming my inner emotions with the physical awareness of our bodies against each other.

Without considering the repercussions, I reached for his shirt and tugged it upward. He took it off. Our mouths fused together, only allowing myself to feel and not listen to the voice inside my head that screamed that this was a bad idea.

He pulled away, his chest rising and falling with each deep breath. Something caught my eye. My eyes narrowed as I focused on what had my attention.

He had a new tattoo. It was the only one on his chest. My hands reached up and touched it, taking it in. My fingers trailed across the letters.

"Why?" I asked, feeling a little stunned that my name was inked in his skin in cursive. Permanently. This wasn't something that could be washed away.

"I told you that you were there already. I want you. I meant it."

I fought against the sting of tears. I had waited so long for him to tell me that I meant something to him but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was too late. He had hurt me too many times.

"I wanted to call you but I thought it was better to do this in person. I only got back from New York just before we had to meet up at the bar last night. I know there's a chance you'll still walk away from me, but I've made my choice." He touched his hand to his heart where my name stood. His fingers brushed me slightly and I pulled my hand away from him.

I was stunned. My eyes went to the tattoo before they lifted to his face.It was too much. I could feel the walls closing in on me. My lungs felt tight and it was harder to breathe. I took a step backward as I tried to take in his statement.