Page 116 of Surviving Slater

"There's a party tonight," Levi said a week later. He arched an eyebrow at me with the unspoken question.

I hesitated for a moment. I wasn't sure if I was ready to go out and try to have fun. Would Slater be at the party? If it was a college one, what were the chances he would be there? Was I ready to see him again?

"That sounds great," I said. The truth was I didn't want to go anywhere but I made myself get up from the comfy couch to go and get something to wear.

I knew if I stayed at home, Slater would consume my thoughts. At least if I was out I could try and keep myself busy.

It took me an hour to find the right outfit and get ready. I was going all out tonight. My makeup was perfection. The little black dress I wore hugged my figure, showing it off.

"You're hot," Levi said when I exited an hour later all done up to dance the night away.

I smoothed my dress down as I smiled at him. It was the response I was looking for. Deep down inside I was hoping Slater would be there. I didn't know why it mattered. He wanted to be with me but I didn't trust him enough to take the chance. I wasn't sure there was anything he could do to change that.

"Thanks. Where's the party?" I asked.

"It's close by," he said, not giving a lot of details.

There was a part of me that wanted to let him go but there was still a part of me that wasn't ready. It wasn't fair. If I wasn't going to give him what he wanted, I would have to let him go completely. But I couldn't.

He said he would give you time,I reminded myself.

I don't know what I had expected him to do. He hadn't once made an effort to talk to me. Maybe this was his way of giving me space, backing off until I changed my mind.

I had gone to the shrink for the second time and I was still feeling the emotional aftereffect of it. Even though it had only been my second appointment, I had delved into the abuse. It had left me feeling vulnerable and exposed. I had briefly opened the door and I was struggling to keep it closed on the dark memories.

"Come on," Levi said, grabbing his car keys from the kitchen counter.

I squared my shoulders, exhaling an emotional breath, hoping to expel the unsettling feelings sitting in the pit of my stomach.

It was a short drive and Levi parked his car a block away because there was limited parking.

We walked to the party. It was a house party with music blaring. I nodded my head at a couple of people I recognized as I followed behind Levi into the house. We made our way through the crowd in the living room to the kitchen to get something to drink. I couldn't help myself, scanning for a glimpse of Slater. I spotted him speaking to a couple of guys. I didn't know whether I was relieved he wasn't chatting up some girls.

The sight of him sent a shiver of awareness through me. I watched as he spoke to the guy standing beside him and my stomach flipped.Stop it,I told myself.You need to let him go.

His eyes caught mine. No matter what I tried to pretend didn't matter because he could see straight through to the insecure girl who loved him but was too scared to risk getting hurt again. Quickly, I averted my gaze but I could feel my pulse race. I hurried behind Levi into the kitchen. He got me a drink. If it was anyone else I wouldn't have accepted but I trusted him.

I took my first sip of my drink, when the door opened and I expected to see Slater, but Steven walked in. The alcohol did nothing to mask the uneasy feeling in my stomach. I took another gulp of my drink, hoping to soothe the rawness I felt inside.

"Hi," I said, greeting him. I felt indebted that he had suggested I go see someone and it was helping.

"Hi there," he said, coming to stand beside me. I took another gulp of my drink to cover the open feeling in the middle of my chest. The alcohol burned down my throat, giving me a moment of pain to distract myself.

Levi gave me a thumbs-up and disappeared from the kitchen. He knew I was on a mission to get over the bad boy who had caused so much chaos in my life. No more push and pull. No more games.

He used to be so shy but in just a few weeks of living with me he had come out of his shell and now he had the type of confidence that could rival Sin and Slater.

"How have you been?" Steven asked, bringing me out of my thoughts and to the present. Did he want to know if I had gone to see someone like he had suggested?

"Good," I said. I wasn't in a place to admit I had taken his advice and gone to see the shrink he had given me the contact details for.

His eyes softened and his hand touched my cheek. I could see by the way he looked at me that he still had feelings for me. My eyes held his. I felt nothing but I didn't pull away. Maybe this was the way to firmly close the door on Slater. I felt a pang of guilt for using him so blatantly.

"You on your own tonight?" he asked. He wanted to know if I was with a guy. I nodded.

"You look stunning," he said. His eyes caressed my face. It felt wrong but I didn't pull away. I knew what was coming but I wasn't going to stop it. His eyes flickered to my lips and he leaned closer.

Instinct told me to pull away, it didn't feel right, but my mind kept me fixed to the spot, refusing to move an inch.