Page 11 of Surviving Slater

Taylor's situation had taken over and nothing else had mattered. He held my gaze as he considered what I said.

"So you want to go out again sometime?" he asked. I had enjoyed our date even though he didn't make me feel the way Slater did. It was what I wanted—not to feel. He was attractive, with dark brown hair and caramel-colored eyes that sparkled with mischief. He wasn't intense and complicated.

"Yes."

What did you do when you fell off the proverbial horse and hurt yourself? You didn't cower away in fear; no, you got right back on the horse and that was what I was doing. If Taylor could face her fears, then I could do this.

I knew my way around guys.Except for Slater, a voice in my mind reminded me. I ignored it. I allowed guys close in a physical sense but not on an emotional level. Slater had been the first one to make me feel the way I did, and I hated the weakness.

The sooner I moved on the better.

He leaned closer and I gave him a flirty smile, knowing exactly how to play the game. I knew my best features and how to show them off to get what I wanted.

"You free on Friday?" he asked casually.

"Yes."

He gave me a brilliant smile as he straightened up. He was tall, so I had to look up to keep our eye contact. He was fit and lean. It was attractive. Physically he would be compatible, and that was what mattered.

"That's great," he said. "I'll pick you up at eight."

"Sure." His smile was infectious.

I had a rule of three dates before I slept with a guy. Slater had been the only guy I had come close to breaking that rule with. Two more dates with Steven and we could take things to the next level.

I hoped it would be enough to wipe Slater from my mind. But like all my previous interludes with the opposite sex, it would never be anything more than a physical connection.

"I will see you at eight," he said, and I nodded.

My eyes followed him as he left. I had a plan to get over the bad boy who had hurt me. It made me feel stronger and in control.

It only took the sound of my ringtone and a quick look at the screen to release the control I had gained. I stared at the screen and debated whether to answer it or not. She would keep calling until I did.

On the fourth ring I answered it reluctantly.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hi, darling," she said.

There was a moment of silence as my past washed over me, leaving my lungs tight and unable to breathe as I gripped the table.

"You haven't called. Did you forget you have a mother?"

One breath in and another breath out.

"Sorry, Mom," I managed to get out. My voice came out calmer than the turmoil unleashed inside of me. "I've been busy with college and stuff."

It was weak but I didn't feel comfortable telling my mom about Taylor and what happened to her. Most moms made their children feel safe and loved, but mine reminded me of a childhood I was still trying to outrun. I couldn't help how I felt. It wasn't like my mom had been a bad mother, she'd been kind and loving, but she reminded me of a past I was still trying to forget.

"I've missed you," she said, pulling hard at my heartstrings. It was like a physical pain in my chest.

"I miss you too." I softened my voice.

"When are you going to come home for a visit?" I could feel the guilt creep up in me.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see her, I did, but going home was difficult. As soon as I walked into my house it took me back to a time I didn't want to relive. I rubbed my forehead, trying to collect my thoughts.

Concentrate on now, I told myself so I didn't slip back into the nightmare of my past.