Page 27 of Surviving Slater

"Well, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me."

I smiled at him but I knew that wouldn't happen.

It was late by the time I quietly entered the apartment. I wasn't surprised to find Matthew waiting up for me.

"Your date went well," he said. I dropped my keys on the nearby table.

Somehow everyone now knew about my three-date rule. And I wasn't about to tell anyone I hadn't been able to go through with it. It would entail answering questions I wasn't ready to answer.

"It was good." His eyes lifted to mine before I slumped into the chair beside him.

"What are we watching?" I asked, needing a distraction.

"Golf."

I sent him a surprised look.

"What?" he asked.

"It's like watching paint dry," I retorted.

"What can I say? I find it relaxing."

"Where's Tay and Sin?" I asked, removing my shoes and putting my feet up on the coffee table.

"They went to bed early."

I closed my eyes for a moment, relieved my date with Steven was over. It had been a disaster from the start. I didn't want to think about Slater and his date. My date had ended with me being alone. But I bet Slater's hadn't.

That night I struggled to sleep. Restlessly I punched my pillow, trying to get comfortable, but nothing worked.

Eventually I lay looking up at my ceiling and staring off into the dark, wondering if they were sleeping together in Slater's room. The burning pain in the middle of my chest made it hard to breathe.

I couldn't even blame Slater. He had been open about what he wanted. I was the one who had been determined to have my way. I had been stupid enough to think one guy could help me get over another one. And boy was I wrong.

"I don't want his seconds."His words repeated in my mind.

There was no going back now. He would believe I had slept with Steven and he would have nothing more to do with me. But wasn't that what I'd wanted? Hadn't it been one of the reasons I had pushed things with Steven, to ensue Slater would no longer want me?

I had accomplished what I had set out to do but I couldn't understand why I didn't feel happy or relieved. Instead, I felt hollow.

When Taylor asked about my date the next day, I just shrugged.

"It was good." I didn't go into any details. I stopped myself from telling her I didn't sleep with him. She would probably mention it to Sin. What if it got back to Slater? He would probably show up all smug and cocky.

So I kept it to myself and allowed everyone to think things between Steven and I had gone further than they had. It wasn't like I was lying, I was just omitting some details.

For the nextweek I kept my head down and tried to forget about guys.

That weekend a couple of guys from one of my classes invited me to a party. I tried to talk Taylor into going with me but she was still working through her fears and wasn't up for it. I couldn't blame her. Sin had offered to come with but it hadn't been enough to push her to go. She simply wasn't ready.

"I'm sorry," she said to me. Sin wrapped his arm around her protectively.

"Don't worry about it. Besides, you're actually doing me a favor."

"How?" she asked, looking a little perplexed.

"I would have to watch the two of you smooching all night," I teased, hoping to ease her guilt.