Page 110 of Surviving Slater

"Don't be so hard on yourself," he said, sitting beside me on the sofa. "We all make mistakes."

He put his arm around me, and I lay my head on his shoulder.

"A mistake he couldn't forgive," I said. "And I can't blame him for that."

I knew what it was like having something you didn't want people to know, even your closest friends. It only took me imagining how I would have felt if Slater had gone snooping into my past and discovered it.

"I'm sorry, Jordan," he said, squeezing me a little tighter.

After a little while he stood up and I looked up at him.

"Let's go out," he insisted, and I shook my head. I wasn't in the mood to go out and be around people.

"Come on." He wasn't taking no for an answer. "We can go bowling or something."

He gave me that determined look that told me I was fighting a losing battle. He extended his hand to mine and I gave him one last look before I gave in, putting my hand in his.

He pulled me to my feet.

"No more talking about Slater," I said. I didn't want to spend any more time talking about a hopeless situation. If I had any chance of working my way through this heartache, I needed to stop talking about him.

"You got it." He flashed me a winning smile. "I promise you will have fun."

A short while later we arrived at the bowling alley. It was the first time since the breakup that I smiled and laughed. I thoughtIwas bad at bowling… Levi had absolutely no coordination. It was so funny.

I suppressed a smile when he missed all the pins again. He turned to glare at me. I beat him and he asked for a rematch.

I hadn't expected to enjoy it but I did. It was nice to get out and spend time away from the four walls of my bedroom or the confines of school. For once I could breathe.

For the restof the week, Slater dominated my thoughts. No matter what I was doing or where I was, I thought about him constantly.

Steven messaged me the number for the psychiatrist and I made an appointment for Thursday afternoon. Dr. Krass. Evidently she was an older woman with a lot of experience.

I felt nervous when I met her for the first time but she smiled and that was enough to put me at ease. It was still too early to talk about my childhood stuff so I spoke more about my recent breakup and how I felt about it.

I hated rehashing the pain of the last five weeks but I did feel a little better when I left her office. Feeling hopeful, I made another appointment for the next week.

One step at a time.

The next daydragged on and it worsened the nervousness I felt. I hadn't seen Slater in over five weeks and I had no idea how he was going to act around me. Would he completely ignore me?

The closer it got to leaving for the bar, the more ill I felt. Maybe it would have been better to have seen him before this. I didn't want to make things uncomfortable for my friends.

A knock at the door pulled me out of my heavy thoughts and I wiped my hands on my jeans. I exhaled before I opened the door.

"Matthew!" I cried. I jumped as he held his arms out, catching me and embracing me.

"Jordan," he said, carrying me into the apartment. He closed the door with his foot.

"I missed you." I breathed in, hugging him harder.

"Me too."

I had no idea he would be in town and it was a nice surprise. Levi stood watching as Matthew walked into the living room and set me down beside the sofa. Levi shook hands with Matthew.

We didn't get a lot of time to catch up before we had to leave to meet the rest of the gang. I felt a little better now that I had Matthew with me.

"How are you doing?" he asked in the car on the way to the bar where we were meeting up with everyone else. He gave me a side-glance as I gripped my hands together tighter.