Page 109 of Surviving Slater

"Slater will be there." She answered my unspoken question like she could read into my prolonged silence.

"Okay," I said. The wound in my chest reared to life with a pain that felt like a knife twisting deep into my body. It was a little harder to breathe.

"I know it might be awkward but we haven't seen him in ages," she babbled on. "Are you sure you're okay with it?"

She was giving me the chance to make a big deal out of it but I didn't go with my gut instinct and decline. Instead I said, "It'll be fine."

I could hear the relief in her voice as she began to give me the details of when and where. I listened but with my mind buzzing with the idea of seeing him again.

I had four days to get myself together before I had to see him again. Although, I didn't think four days would stop me from hurting when I saw him and knew he wasn't mine anymore. But had he ever been? I wasn't sure how to answer that question.

Connor called me on the way back to the apartment.

"How are you?" he asked. It was a loaded a question and I knew it.

"I'm fine." It was my standard response.

"I'm worried about you," he said, and I brushed my hair out of my face. "You sound so sad."

I swallowed the emotion I felt.

"It sucks when the guy you love doesn't want you anymore," I said. It wasn't news. He knew we had broken up. "But like every other girl who has had her heart broken, I have to pick myself up and carry on."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" he offered, and I was already shaking my head.

"No, please don't do that." I didn't want people interfering. "It will just make it worse."

"I don't like that you're hurting." I was touched.

"I'll be okay. I promise," I assured him with a confidence I didn't really feel.

"Fine. If you need anything, just call."

I let an emotional breath out when he ended the call. Hearing from Connor only made me wonder how things with Shannon and Slater were going. I had to remind myself it wasn't my business.

"That's it!" Levi said when I entered the apartment.

"What?" I asked him while he stood in the doorway of the kitchen, shaking his head at me.

What had I done wrong?

"I can't take it anymore," he said. I put my bag down and walked past him to the living room.

I didn't want to talk about it. I was trying the best I could and I didn't know a better way to deal with it.

"Knowing he did this to you makes me want to physically hurt him," Levi said, taking me by surprise. He was the least violent person I knew, so for him to admit that was so unlike him.

"It isn't his fault," I said. I didn't want to tell him that it was my fault but if he kept pushing I wouldn't have a choice.

"I need to know what happened," he said, his eyes fierce and angry. He crossed his arms.

He wasn't going to stop.

"It was my fault," I admitted, feeling that familiar feeling of defeat that my actions had broken us up. I slumped down on the sofa and averted my gaze from his.

"I can't go into the details but I needed to understand something that happened in his past. Instead of leaving it up to him to explain, I asked Connor to look into it for me."

His anger began to wane when he realized it had been my own fault.