Page 75 of Surviving Slater

But it didn't stop him.

I shot up in the bed. My heart thumped in my chest so loudly it echoed in my ears. I switched on my side light and the dark, scary room transformed into my familiar sanctuary.

It's just a dream,I told myself, hoping it would ease the fear that still gripped my lungs like a vise, making it difficult to breathe. My eyes flitted around my room, scared that at any moment he would reappear.

I backed up against my wall and pulled my covers up to my chin, remembering the familiar fear from my dream.

It had been a memory from my childhood. I knew logically I didn't need to be afraid anymore, but the fear didn't ease as I fixated on the space the man had occupied in my dream.

He isn't here,I kept telling myself, hoping it would soothe me.

I hadn't had a nightmare like that since the last time my dark childhood memories had resurfaced and disrupted my life.

But this time there were no walls to protect me. My connection with Slater had given him the power to get closer than anyone had. It left me vulnerable.

This time it was going to be harder to deal with my demons.

I could still smell the stale cigarettes that hung in the air. I began to shake, unable to stop myself.

He had come, he had taken, and he was gone.

Feeling helpless, I remained where I was, unable to move because of the fear he would return. The fear wasn't rational but it didn't undermine the intensity of it.

It tookme hours to recover from Slater's visit. Not only did his advice about my medication take me by surprise but there was also a finality to it that was hard to process.

I was still wide awake when Levi returned home at around two in the morning.

The fear gripped me, refusing to allow me to overcome it.

Later, I got up when the sun rose and I got ready for class. When my eyes settled on the bottle of tablets that had helped me to this point, I remembered Slater's words:"Deal with the issue and stop taking drugs to mask it."

Determined to prove I could cope without them and prove him wrong, I went to the bathroom and emptied the bottle into the toilet. I flushed it and watched as the tablets disappeared in a swirl of water.

You can do this,I told myself.You will get through it without needing drugs to weaken the pain.

I went to classes even though I couldn't concentrate on the lectures. In a haze I went from one class to the next.

Feeling tired, I got home and went straight to my room. Levi had left a note to say he would be home later. I didn't eat; my appetite was gone. I walked to my room and dropped my bag beside my table.

I got ready for bed. It was only when the sky darkened into night that the debilitating fear from my childhood returned. Hiding behind my blanket, curled up the corner, I waited for the return of my tormentor.

The moment I closed my eyes, the door opened slowly as the handle turned. Panic made my heartbeat race and I pressed my eyes tightly closed, hoping to block it out.

The door opened and I heard his footsteps. Closer and closer.

Please, don't,I begged inside. It was the voice of a child.

"Baby," he whispered, but I refused to respond.

If I pretended I was asleep he might leave me alone. My body was rigid as my heart pounded in my ears. With every footstep closer, my nightmare continued.

The feel of a hand touching my leg made me cry silent tears. He would never stop.

I woke up, still in the throes of my nightmare, still tangled in the fear. It took me a few moments to realize I was awake as I looked frantically around the room, ready to bolt at any sign of immediate danger.

But there was nothing. My curtains danced as the wind blew but there was no one in my room.

Relief flooded through me and I put my hand to my heart, trying to inhale and exhale deeply to calm myself down. I hoped I hadn't made too much noise. The thought of Levi coming to check on me wasn't something I wanted to deal with.