Page 79 of Surviving Slater

I'd heard stories where kids endured more abuse in foster homes than they had before in their own homes. Is that what had happened to Shannon? Even the slight guilt I felt for digging into his past wasn't enough for me to stop. I needed to know, even when I knew it was wrong.

In that moment I appreciated the mom who loved me, even though she hadn't been able to protect me fully. It wasn't her fault. I sometimes wrestled with whose fault it was. Was it mine? Had I done something to bring it on myself?

My mom had done everything right and I was still fucked up.

Not only did I feel the pain from my own childhood, I now felt sad for his.

All I had known about his past was what Taylor had told me. She had told me he had grown up living next door to Sin. The only time Slater had mentioned anything from his past was when he had told me about his sister.

There was a knock at the door.

"Jordan?" my mother called out. "Are you okay?"

I stood up. "Yes, I'm fine."

When I opened the door, I fixed a smile on my lips so I wouldn't worry her.

"You okay?" she asked again, taking a closer look.

I swallowed the need to cry. "Yes."

She had just lost her brother. She needed me to be strong, so she could lean on me. And I could do that for her.

It was only a little later, once it was dark and everyone had left, that I finally went through my phone. I had missed calls from Taylor and even one from Slater. Why were they calling? I had a couple of voicemails but I decided to just call Taylor.

"Jordan, where are you?" she asked, sounding worried. "You didn't show up for classes and when I went around to the apartment Levi told me you had left for a couple of days."

"Sorry, I had to leave suddenly," I explained. "I was going to call you."

"What happened?" she asked.

"My uncle died," I told her, and I waited for her reaction.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Really?" she asked, sounding unconvinced. I knew I wasn't supposed to be okay. I was supposed to be upset and grieving the loss of a close family member. But I wasn't. I felt only relief that my nightmare was finally over.

"Yes."

"Do you need anything?"

"No," I said, walking over to the bedroom window.

"When's the funeral?"

"I don't know." How could I explain I didn't care?

"If you let me know when it is I could come with you," she offered.

"Thanks, but I'll be okay," I told her.

After what happened to her parents, the fact that she was prepared to go to the funeral to support me meant a lot.

"We weren't really close." I felt the need to explain why I didn't need her here.

"Okay," she said. "When will you be back?"