Page 10 of Surviving Slater

"I need you…" I couldn't finish it.

"Tell me," he said, his voice more insistent.

"I need you to touch me."

His fingers brushed me and I felt the tingle vibrate through me. His finger slid in and I gasped, my hands holding on to the sheet tightly. It was like a feeling of falling and I was trying to hold on.

"You're so tight…baby."

I tensed, trying to stop the fear that washed over me, but nothing I did could stop it. No warning, just an immediate physical effect.

"Jordan?" Slater said when he felt the change in me.

I gritted my teeth, trying to fight my way through the memories that refused to let me go. Then Slater shifted and I lay still.

"What's wrong?" he asked, frowning as he brushed my cheek.

"Don't," I said, pulling away from him. I moved to the far side of the bed and pulled my knees up to my chin, trying to push back the familiar feelings of disgust that made my stomach turn.

"Please don't touch me."

I closed my eyes briefly as I relieved the memory. It was hard to remember it and not feel the rejection that had followed.

We lay there for a while before I left her. When I exited her room, Matthew looked up from the sofa.

"How's she?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure."

I didn't know if she was getting any better. I dropped down into the space beside him on the sofa.

"She will get through this," he said. I hoped so.

It turnedout he was right. One week later it had taken a hard push by Connor to get her to leave her room and go to school, but it had worked. Two weeks later she and Sin were back together. Everything seemed right in the world again.

While my friend had picked up the pieces of her life to try and carry on, I tried to forget about Slater by keeping busy with college.

I was sitting in the cafeteria, getting something to eat between classes. Slater monopolized my thoughts as I ate. I wanted to forget about him. I couldn't help but see him in the eyes of the strangers who passed me in the hallways. It was like he was everywhere and it was impossible to ignore him. I hadn't seen or spoken to him since the conversation we'd had at the hospital but that did nothing to fade him from my mind.

I rubbed my forehead, trying to ease the heaviness of my thoughts. The fact that my best friend was going out with Slater's best friend meant it was only a matter of time before we would have to face each other again.

Wishing I could run away and never look back was only a childish notion that I couldn't entertain no matter how badly I wanted to. The adult way to handle this would be to carry on each day, hoping time would weaken the connection we had made.

It wasn't like I'd never been with a guy before, it's just that I didn't allow an emotional connection. The ghosts from my past always reappeared to keep me from moving forward. I usually dispensed with guys before things got too serious. But this thing I'd shared with Slater had been more intense.

I closed my eyes briefly when I remembered my semi-emotional meltdown with Slater.

"Hey, beautiful," someone said, pulling me out of my heavy thoughts. I looked up to see Steven. I hid my inner turmoil with a carefree smile.

"You haven't called me back," he said, and I tried to come up with a valid reason, other than the fact that I couldn't get a certain tattooed guy off my mind.

We had gone out on a date before Taylor had been taken. The date had gone okay and we had gotten along. But even deep down I had to admit Slater had occupied my thoughts through most of it.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Things have been a bit hectic." It was the understatement of the year.

"You don't need to make excuses. I'm man enough to take a brush-off," he replied with a dismissive shrug.

I shook my head. "No, that wasn't my intention at all."