Page 77 of Surviving Slater

Hitching my bag over my shoulder, I kept my head down as I walked to the nearest bus station and bought a ticket to my hometown. It was an hour wait before I got on the bus. My mind replayed my brief conversation with my mother over and over but I still found it too hard to wrap my mind around the fact that my uncle was dead.

Thinking about him only brought more pain and suffering so I tried to block it out. I concentrated on my mom and what she would need from me. I had to be strong for her.

To keep myself from thinking of my family, I kept my mind on Slater. This time thinking about him helped me. I remembered the first moment I had met him, at a party. His perceptive eyes had weakened my knees and that knowing smile had touched something inside of me. Then, I had hoped he would be a good distraction. Well, I had gotten more than what I had bargained for.

Now all I was left with was my slightly broken heart and a clearer picture of the guy who, for some reason, refused to forgive himself for past mistakes.

"I deserve the pain."I didn't believe that.

Sin hadn't had a good childhood but somehow even he had been able to put it behind him to have a future with Taylor. It was sad that Slater couldn't do the same for me.

He has to love you enough,my mind answered.

I had obviously developed stronger feelings than he had. It sucked that it was only a one-sided heartache from the demise of our short arrangement.

An hour later the bus pulled into the familiar town where I had grown up. Every street and shop was filled with memories from my childhood. I put my hoodie on just before I disembarked with my duffel bag, hoping it would hide my identity from familiar faces so I could get home before anyone stopped me for a chat.

I just wanted to get home and see my mom. Her emotional state was my top concern. I could have called her to pick me up but I didn't want her behind the wheel of a car in the state she was in.

What about you?a voice in my head asked, but I suppressed it. First and foremost I had to be there for my mother. Later, when there was time, I would deal with my own emotions.

Chapter Nineteen

She wasa mess when she finally answered the front door. Her eyes were red and puffy. It pulled at my heart to see her upset. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, grey mixing with her natural brown hair.

At the sight of me, she began to sob. I entered quickly, dropping my stuff so I could embrace her. I hugged her to me and soothed her. "It's okay, Mom."

I was slightly taller than her, which she told me I got from my father. My looks I had inherited from my mom. I didn't have memories of my father. He'd left when I was four.

She cried, and I held her. I loved my mom, and seeing her like this was upsetting to say the least. I led her to the living room and we sat down. With a trembling hand she reached for a tissue on the coffee table and dabbed her wet cheeks. I hated seeing her like this and wished I could take her pain away.

"I can't believe it. He was so young." I couldn't either. It was so sudden. He was thirteen years younger than my mother. He had been a late and unplanned child.

"What happened?" I asked. This time the question was my own. I needed to know how he had left this world. I wasn't sure why knowing would make any difference but somehow it did matter to me.

"He had an accident. There had been bad weather and a truck hit him. He was dead at the scene."

Her words hit me straight in the center of my chest and it was difficult to breathe.

"I know, darling," my mother said, looking at me with red puffy eyes, like she understood my reaction.

But she had no idea what I was feeling or why I was feeling it. There was no way she could.

"How's Janet?" I asked, trying to take her focus off me.

"She's a mess." Janet was Phillip's wife, and my aunt. They had been married for three years.

The rest of the afternoon I concentrated on being there for my mom as much as I could. Some neighbors and Janet's family came over. I kept promising myself that when I got a chance later, when no one was around, I would confront my own feelings.

I said what I was supposed to, playing the grieving niece well. It was only later when I slipped into my old bedroom and shut the door that I had a chance to allow myself to feel my true emotions.

I sat down with my back against the wall, staring at my bed opposite me. I rubbed my hands over my legs while I stared unseeing into the distance. Exhaling, I felt the first burst of emotion.

Relief.

It was finally over. I cried, hugging my knees to my chest, allowing myself to free the emotions I had been suppressing since I had found out.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket. I had ignored a dozen phone calls. I hadn't even bothered to see who was looking for me.