Page 95 of Structure of Love

All we could do was wait, then. I fetched him water and put a little Himalayan pink salt in it, as it would help hydrate him better. He guzzled half the glass in one long draw.

“Thanks.”

“Sure.”

Cooper put the glass down and regarded me for a long moment. “So you’re nice if I’m nice?”

“That’s generally how it works, Coop.”

“So if I hadn’t been an asshole, you’d have been this nice brother I’ve had for the past week?” He slumped, then winced because of his ribs. “Damn. I wish I’d realized sooner.”

“Why, would it have motivated you to get clean faster?”

“Well, yeah, maybe.” He sipped his water, carefully not lifting his eyes. Like it was hard to look at me. “Maybe not. I just…never measured up to you. It was hard being around you because of that. I felt like a failure. Figured I might as well live up to that low bar everyone had set for me.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t and prove people wrong instead.”

“Yeah, I get that. Now I get it, anyways. What you said in the hospital, about you’re not my dad, that’s what’s confused me.” His head came up and he regarded me thoughtfully, like he was trying to put spinning pieces of a puzzle together. “Gage, I never saw you as a dad.”

I paused, because it was either pause or lose a finger. I felt unbalanced, like I’d entered some alternate reality I’d dreamed up. I had to repeat the words, to verify, and watched his expression intently for any hint of a lie. “You don’t see me as your dad?”

“Naw, Bro, never did. You were just this amazing, perfect son, and I was supposed to somehow follow in your footsteps. But they were too big, man. I didn’t know how to fill those shoes. How to do everything you did. And whenever I failed at trying,Mom always said the same thing. I wasn’t you, so it was only natural I failed, which just made me feel worse.”

I aimed a mental kick at the back of our mother’s head. That wasn’t the right way to cheer someone up! For god’s sake, say something better than that! God, I was going to strangle her the next time I saw her.

Still, that frustration aside, he had said beautiful words to me. Words I’d ached to hear for years. He didn’t see me as a father. He only saw me as a brother. Those words released me. I’d shed a burden I’d never wanted and had resented.

If this moment asked me to marry it, I would kiss it on the mouth.

I didn’t know what my face was doing, but Cooper’s expression turned downward. “Damn, Gage, was it that hard on you?”

“Yeah.” I had to clear my throat as it tried to lock down on me. Sniffed, tried again. “Yeah, it was.”

“Then no more pseudodad. Brothers only.” Cooper offered me knuckles.

I bumped, grinning at him. “Sounds good.”

“And if Mom tries that shit again, I’ll shut her down.”

“Do it.”

“Also, I’m switching targets. I don’t want to be like you anymore. That shit’s hard, man. I want to be like Logan.”

“I couldn’t name a better role model.” I went back to slicing up chicken. That was safer for a second. I hadn’t been braced for an emotionally charged conversation, and it had hit me in the feels without warning. I was grateful for it, though. I felt lighter than I ever remembered feeling. Cooper’s words were the best release.

“Uh, you do know he plans to marry you?”

“I know. We’re dating with marriage in mind.”

Cooper beamed. “Great! I want to keep him.”

“That’s kind of the universal sentiment. My entire friend group feels the same way.” Feeling a little shy, I held a finger up in a shushing motion. “Promise to stay mum and I’ll show you the wedding gift I’ve prepared for him.”

Cooper’s mimed zipping his lips. “Mum.”

“Grab my tablet, it’s in the work bag next to the door.”

Cooper fetched it, and I gave him the passcode to get in. I didn’t want to touch the screen with raw chicken on my fingers. Seemed a bad idea. “Open the file calledDream House.”