Page 22 of Structure of Love
“Maybe that’s it, or maybe I’m just happy to take you on a date.”
The man was smooth. He was one of those types, wasn’t he? The type who could talk you right out of your clothes. I couldn’t wait to be proven right.
“I’m very happy to be on a date with you, for that matter.” I almost slid my hand over to tease him, then realized he wasdriving a manual. Oh wow. Rare breed here. I didn’t know many people who could drive a manual. I’d ask him about it later. I had a different pressing question to answer.
“So, back when I graduated college, I came home to start job searching. Wasn’t having a lot of luck, to be honest. Most people wanted to pay me peanuts because I didn’t have any work experience in my field. I almost took one of those jobs just to have some kind of paycheck when I happened to meet Cohen and Riggs. Riggs had made a Facebook post looking for people wanting to play Dungeons and Dragons, and I was searching for any excuse to get out of the house, so I joined. I took Ash with me, as he’s also a die-hard nerd, and we had a blast. It was about three sessions in when we started comparing notes and realized three out of the four of us were in the renovation business in some way. Cohen’s a contractor, Asher’s an interior decorator, and me you know. After the fourth session, Riggs had us three stay behind and hit us with the idea of creating our own business. He volunteered to be office grunt and handle the admin side of things.”
“And you were just sold?”
“More or less. As I told you, Ash I’ve known since diapers. We grew up next door to each other. Cohen has a very steady personality and acts responsible all day long. So does Riggs. I had nothing to lose at that point and said yes. We took out a business loan and dove into the fray, so to speak. Our first year was rough, as we worked insane hours to get things done, all of us wearing multiple hats. Hell, Ash even helped with demolition, and he’s not a demolition kinda guy. But our hard work paid off by the second year, and now, four years in, it’s paying off in spades. We’re getting in more work than we can actually manage and have started hiring freelance crews to handle some of the load.”
“Wow. That’s super impressive. I know how hard it is to build a business out of nothing.”
That segued nicely into something I wanted answered. “Did you do that with the bar?”
“Sure did. Built it with my own hands from the ground up. No business loan, though. I worked two jobs for years to launch it.” Logan snorted, smile a tinge bitter. “No bank would have trusted me at that point in my life, and for good reason. So I had to do it on my own.”
Now, those words didn’t make sense. “Why? Or is that something you don’t want to talk about?”
“Actually, this is something you probably need to know. Might as well get it out in the open. I’m not proud of who I was, but I’m proud of who I’ve become.” He paused, as if formulating his thoughts.
I let him take his time. Patience was needed right now.
“I was, in essence, Cooper.”
“You mentioned something about that when we first met. I’m having a hard time reconciling that, because you’re the exact opposite of my brother.” In fact, it gave me a migraine even trying to imagine him as Cooper, and I had a pretty good imagination.
“Yeah. Sadly, I think I was worse than Cooper. I tangled with the law many a time.” That bitter smile stayed, twisting his lips, and his dark brown eyes appeared a touch sad. “I’ll explain the why if you’re curious, but in essence, I was a neglected kid. I grew up with anger issues and a problem with authority because of it. By the time I hit my late teens, I had three misdemeanors and jumped from trouble to trouble like it was an Olympic sport. No one could do anything about me. The only person who loved me despite it all was my grandmother, who knew all too well why I self-destructed.”
I didn’t know why, but I felt defensive on his behalf, which was weird as hell. If Cooper had said something similar, I’d have been on his ass immediately, telling him why he was the way he was. I wouldn’t have given him an out. But for Logan, I wanted to protest none of it had been his fault. I didn’t understand my own contradiction. Maybe because I could see the end result, the man standing in front of me today, and knew he was better than the angry teenager he described?
His past seemed painful to talk about, but also like he needed to share. I felt driven to understand this man, to hear how he came to be the person he was now, because I truly could not imagine his past self. “I’m sorry, I have to ask, why were you like that? If it’s too painful to talk about, we can switch topics.”
Logan huffed out a breath. “Short version is my parents never should have been parents. They were very set on having girls for some reason. All they wanted were little girls. Instead, they got five sons. The gender disappointment made them ignore us boys completely. They eventually had a girl, the youngest, and their entire world revolves around Erin. She’s a good kid despite them spoiling her, hates our parents because she sees how they treat us boys is not okay. They’re constantly asking why she’s so mad at them, she’s constantly asking why they’re assholes to their own sons.”
“Smart girl.”
“Yup. She’s set to come live with me as soon as she turns eighteen. She’s out of patience with them. But that’s a different topic.” Logan shifted into a higher gear, picking up speeds as we hit Highway 96. “Anyway, when I turned twenty-one, I knew my grandfather was thinking of retiring. I idolized the man most of my childhood and I wanted to take over his bar. When I asked him about it, he looked me dead in the eye and said I couldn’t be trusted with it.”
I winced. Ouch. The rejection had to have hurt.
“It broke something in me. I didn’t say anything to him, just got up and walked out. I drove to my shitty apartment and really reflected on what I had become. Yeah, my parents did me dirty, but I was an adult. My actions were my own damn fault at that point. I didn’t know what to do or even where to begin, but I started with getting a new phone number the next day. Cut off my friends completely, as they were all just as bad as me. They’d suck me back into their lifestyle if I let them. I got a job at a bar so I could learn the business, drove Uber in the early morning hours for extra cash, and saved every penny I could. It was brutal. Positively brutal. Looking back, I’m surprised I didn’t fall asleep at the wheel from sleep deprivation. I stuck with it, and in the end, I had enough money to rent a building and start my own bar.”
No wonder. No wonder he’d given me advice about Cooper, then. It was because he knew from his own personal experience what it took to straighten someone out. His version had been losing the trust of one of the few people he’d loved most. Hard as it was, saying no was probably the best thing his grandfather had ever done for him.
It made me wonder, what would be the final nail for Cooper? Would it be losing me entirely? Somehow, I couldn’t give myself that much credit, but I wished for it. I wished I meant something to him after years of cleaning up after him. The realistic side of me knew better. Cooper would never respect what I had done for him. I could kiss that dream on the ass goodbye.
“That’s just sad all around, man. Thank you for sharing it, though. I feel like I understand you a little better now. What about your relationship with your grandfather?”
“I still don’t speak to him. He’s gotten even more bitter and cruel in his old age, so I don’t think anyone speaks to him anymore. Sadly, I don’t really connect with anyone on my father’s side. They don’t have much good to say about me. Evenwith my siblings, it’s mixed. Half forgave me for what I did, and we’re in a better place now, we actually talk and shit. The other half…I talk to on occasion. I’m still making things up with them. The only sibling I’m on good terms with is Erin.”
“Is your grandmother on your mother’s side, then?”
“Yeah. She’s widowed, has been for years, and I stop by on the regular to do things for her. Yard work, or handyman work, as she’s not got the strength for it. She’s always been mad at her daughter for how she raised us kids. She was overjoyed when she realized I’d straightened myself out. Actually paid for my therapy. I owe her a lot.”
“Good for you, going to therapy.”
“Three years, man. Took me three years to get to where I am now. I’m a lot less angry, to start. I’ve tried getting my brothers into therapy too, and one of them started at the beginning of this year, at his wife’s urging. I’ve got high hopes for all of them.” Logan blew out a breath. “Sorry, that was a bit heavy for the first date.”