Page 28 of Structure of Love

Riggs: fr?

Gage: not joking

Asher: Oh, so I won the bet already

Gage: I DID NOT SAY THAT

Asher: wow, Logan let you go after a kiss?

Gage: I had to depend on his willpower, mine’s MIA

Gage: but you didn’t win!

Asher: Oh, give it time, he’ll get you second date

9

Gage

I could not get to the shower fast enough. It felt like I was on fire inside, I was so wound up after our kiss. I beelined straight for my bedroom, tossing off clothes into the hamper as fast as I could shed them, snagging lube as I went because I desperately needed a good wank.

I barely had the water warm when I jumped in, lubing up my dick fast. I braced my forearm against the tiles, forehead against my arm, closed my eyes, and imagined that kiss all over again. I felt the phantom breath, the traces of his lips pressed against mine, the taste of him. The way he’d groaned when I’d carded my fingers through his hair was an earworm that would live rent-free in my ear for a while.

The memory of his sound and our kiss weren’t enough. They taunted me, tantalized my libido, but weren’t enough to make up for it being my own hand working my dick. I wanted…I needed something…something else, something more—

Frustration built, eating at me, almost overcoming the very memory I desperately clung to. Dammit, do not leave mehanging in my own body. Ihatedwhen that happened. I’d be tossing and turning, yearning for the rest of the night.

I flipped, exasperated, my shoulder now pressing against the tiles. I blinked my eyes open, despite the spray hitting my chest, and— Oh the lube bottle. I’d put it there.

I reached for it, but with my off hand, and on some half-formed instinct coated my fingers. Was I…was I actually wanting anal action right now?

Me?

Sliding one finger into my ass, I groaned. Damn, the pressure against sensitive skin felt blissful. I slid a second finger in on the off chance it might feel even better, and fuck me, that was precisely what the doctor ordered. I worked those two fingers into my ass, my front hand picking up the tempo so I was jacking myself off at the same time.

My imagination took over, whipping up a fantasy—it wasn’t my fingers but Logan’s cock thrusting into me. A shiver of arousal raced up my spine, then down again, and I groaned. My rational mind knew he wasn’t with me, but right now, I preferred fantasy over reality.

The tension built and I worked my fingers even harder, clawing at a climax, feeling it hovering just out of reach. Come on, come on, almost, almost!

I threw my head back on a shout as I came hard over my hand and the tiles, slumping sideways as my knees went weak. I stood there, letting the warm water wash over me, staring at nothing as realization hit with all the gentleness of a meteor choosing which part of Earth to land on.

I’d just…Had I really just imagined bottoming for Logan? And got off on it?

Me?!

If there was anyone who was a hardcore top, I would have put my name on the top of the list. Swear to god, after my lastbottoming experience, I’d sworn off even trying for a guy. Either I topped or we did mutual masturbation—that was it. Those were the options.

I’d enjoyed fingers in my ass. Surprisingly so.

Come to think of it, had I ever put anything in my ass of my own accord? Like, I’d never even tried a dildo. The only two times something had been in my ass, another guy had been attached to it. Not only were they terrible at being tops, but I hadn’t liked how vulnerable I’d felt. I’d felt trapped the entire time, like I couldn’t force them off even though I’d kinda wanted to. So I’d just let them finish and then got out of there.

An epiphany was incoming. I felt it building.

Was it just bad experiences bottoming that had made me feel like I was a top?

Or was it the vulnerability I’d hated?

I couldn’t imagine anyone enjoyed feeling vulnerable with someone they didn’t fully trust. I sure hadn’t. It was why I’d locked in on this plan of no sex until several dates in, because I was not opening myself up again for a person who didn’t actually deserve it.