Page 102 of Structure of Love
Well, shit, now what? It could be anything from a guilt trip to a screaming match with her when she was in a volatile mood. Plus this was the third time she’d shown up at my house. The last time she was here, she’d gotten into a screaming match with Cooper, trying to force him to come home with her. Which he’d completely shut down by slamming the door in her face. What was she hoping to accomplish?
Sighing, I parked on the curb, mentally bracing myself. I was tempted to call Logan, as he seemed to have a handle already on how to deal with her, but I couldn’t do that to him. He already had enough on his plate today. Guessed I’d have to deal with her.
I walked toward her, and her head came up as I approached, silent tears still standing in her eyes. She didn’t seem angry, though, for once. Just…broken? I didn’t know how else to describe her lost expression. Like she didn’t know what to do or say anymore. I nearly stopped in my tracks because I’d never seen her look like that before. Guilt tried to crawl in before I reminded myself she’d put herself in this impossible position.
About five feet away, I came to a stop. Just outside of bloodletting range. She had tried to slap me before, after all.
We stared at each other for a long moment, neither of us speaking. The air was tense, filled with words unspoken, but still no anger from her. Curious.
Finally, her eyes dropped to the cement. “Cooper wouldn’t let me in.”
Oh, thank Christ. Good job, Coop.
“I just wanted to see him, bring him some food at least, but he wouldn’t let me in.” Her eyes came back up to mine, and she looked on the verge of a breakdown. “Why wouldn’t he let me in?”
This might start a fight, but I was tired of sugarcoating things for her. “Because he can’t trust you.”
“What does that mean?”
She seemed to be listening for once, so I was very careful with how I spoke. I didn’t want to sound accusatory and set her off. I kept my tone factual, explanatory, but neutral. “I want you to really think about every other time he’s been hurt. Or even inconvenienced. How you acted. You smother him, love on him, but you never let him grow from the moment. You never give him the chance to fix the problem before you throw me into the hot seat. He won’t let you in because he’s recognized he’s too dependent on you to fix things. For once, he wants to fix his mistakes himself.”
She stared at me like my words had bounced right off. “It’s a mother’s nature to fix things for their children.”
“But were you actually fixing anything?”
“Of course I was!”
“Then why did the situation keep getting worse?”
She opened her mouth on a rebuttal and then stalled, no sound coming out.
“That’s what I mean. We can’t trust you. I don’t doubt your intentions, I know you love your sons, but you’ve got to stop helicopter parenting Cooper. He’s a grown-ass man. He’s got to learn from his mistakes, and with Cooper, that means he has to fix his own mistakes. He won’t learn otherwise.”
The joke had been that Cooper was going for a PhD in the school of hard knocks. I thought he’d finally graduated, personally. Thank god for that. I’d been ready to wield the clue bat.
Mom, though, looked lost again. “So I can’t help him?”
“No. Because you don’t know how to help him in moderation. When to step back and let him do it. Until you’ve learned how to keep yourself in check, you can’t help.” I softened my voice a little, because for once, it felt like I was getting through to her. “Mom, the best thing you can do for yourself is go get therapy. I know you don’t really believe in it, but your sons do. Cooper’s already signed up for a therapist; he starts in two weeks. He starts rehab on Monday. Logan’s already offered him a job. Hewantsto improve, to become his own man. Don’t you want to match pace with him, stop depending on wine to manage your emotions?”
No answer. She still looked lost.
Seriously, why had she warped her entire identity into being only a mother and wife? What happened to her being a person? She wouldn’t be so clingy with us if she had her own sense of self. I was certain of this, but I didn’t know how to get her to see it.
“He did…he did call me. He told me he has his mentor. That Logan was his mentor. The man who said he’s your boyfriend…is that who Cooper meant?”
News to me that Cooper considered Logan a mentor. Role model, I knew, but mentor? Honestly, I couldn’t think of a better person to mentor my little brother. Logan would take no shit from him and give him a swift kick to the ass if Cooper messed up. Tough love was what my brother needed.
“Yes, that’s who he meant.”
“The man who threw water in my face?”
“In his defense, you were screaming in a hospital, and it did calm you down.” Some, anyway.
Her brow furrowed. “Why is he latching on to a man like him and not you?”
It was a fair question, although I resented the implication I should be Cooper’s mentor. “Because when he was a teen, Logan was a Cooper.”
She blinked rapidly, like my words weren’t computing. “What?”