Page 60 of My Broken Mate (Healing Bonds #1)

Remus casts me a short glance. “Dad was obsessed with Mom,” he says. “You remember, don’t you?”

“Yes, he was completely crazy when it was about her.”

“Exactly,” Remus says bitterly. “He forced her to do a lot of things.”

I frown at his words, my mind slowly starting to put the pieces together.

“And then she died. He usually didn’t hit me, but he did other things. I think he saw me as an extension of her.”

Silence lingers around us. I am not sure if the specialist truly grasped everything that Remus just said, but I certainly did. The last puzzle piece finally finds its place and reveals a picture of what truly happened in the darkness of our home.

A ball of fury, in the pit of my stomach, starts to tug at me, wishing to come out and hurt someone.

Just that the person I want to hurt is already gone.

But there is also a deeply rooted sadness for not having prevented it, and guilt for the same reason.

I should have protected my brothers. But they both suffered so much.

I struggle for words, not able to form a sentence. “Rem—”

Please, don’t, he begs. I told you because I felt I had to. And I will tell Gabriel on my own terms, eventually. But please don’t feel guilty, don’t tell me how sorry you are. I don’t want pity.

What do you want? I ask.

Help me with the tools I need to deal with this. I can’t allow myself to slip into that dark space again. I want to strengthen my bonds to my family, and my wolf, and my pack, but I can’t do it without help.

I reach out my hand, waiting for him to nod, before I squeeze his arm.

Remus asks for privacy for the last tests that need to be done, and I use the moment to step outside of the room, walking down the corridor to the meeting room next to my office. There is a small balcony there.

It takes a while for the gravity of it all to sink in. The things that were said, but also those that weren’t.

I am alone here, so I can finally allow the tears to run freely.

“Sean?”

I bury my head in my hands. “What are you doing here?”

“I… I grabbed a coffee and came here,” Joel mutters. “It’s warm out and felt like such a waste to sit inside.” He pauses. “I, I didn’t follow you or was snooping around. I am certainly not that desperate.”

“I didn’t think you did.”

He takes a step closer.

“Don’t,” I say. “You shouldn’t see me like this.”

“What?” he asks. “Vulnerable?”

“Weak.”

“You are a lot of things, but certainly not weak,” he argues.

“I wasn’t able to protect my family from my father.”

“You were a child, too,” he says.

Logically, I know this, but it doesn’t help. “He had his claws buried so deep into us. Sometimes it feels like I can't get rid of him.”

“Your father is long dead,” he says quietly.

“Part of him will never die,” I answer bitterly. “Some of his darkness will always remain inside me.”

“Is this the reason you don’t want a mate?”

“Maybe.” It’s not the full reason, but I am certainly not there yet to share this with him.

“All those years, you did everything to protect and help your brothers, and your pack. It’s all you do,” Joel says all of a sudden.

Before I can even open my mouth to say anything, he nudges me.

“Don’t argue with me. I am serious.” He pauses.

“Don’t you think it’s time to spend some love on yourself, now? ”

“What are you implying?”

“Get help. You have a therapist for Remus, right?”

I nod.

“And Gabe is talking to someone, too. Why don’t you seek out a counselor?

” I can hear the anxiety in his voice. It’s rare for Joel to sound nervous.

It is a sore topic, and maybe a couple of months ago, I would have either lashed out at him or closed off in a way that would have made it impossible for him to talk to me.

The minutes drip by. “Maybe I should,” I finally say before I glance at my watch. “Remus should be done by now. Let’s pick him up.”

Indeed, when I walk back down the corridor, I see my brother and the specialist bidding each other goodbye. Remus waves at us and waits for us to get closer. “I see, you already picked up, Joel,” he says.

The thoughts in my head are still running amok, but there is one part of me pushing forward.

Remus is trying to find a new normal. He told me what he had to say because he trusts me, and I should feel thankful for that.

Constantly pushing the topic is definitely not in his best interests.

Maybe there will be a time, but it’s not now.

Thank you, I tell him. And I hope you know that my door is always open for you.

I know.

“So, are we going?” Joel asks. “I don’t know about you, but I am dying of hunger.”

“Same,” Remus says. “Ever since my wolf spirit woke up, my food allergies have gone, and I constantly eat.”

“That’s normal,” I assure him. “You burn many more calories, especially when you shift.”

“It’s the best,” Joel says. “I love food.”

“What’s your favorite?” Remus asks.

“I like everything but pizza. I don’t like cheese much. That’s why I only eat Eve’s perfect homemade pizza.”

At that, Remus and I stop and exchange a look. “You… you don’t like cheese?” I ask, stunned.

“I have never heard anyone say that before,” Remus mutters.

We exchange another look, and laugh. For a wonderful moment, all the trauma of our past is in the background. It helps me realize that it’s moments like these we need to chase.