Page 17 of My Broken Mate (Healing Bonds #1)

Chapter ten

Confusion

*REMY*

T he window of my room is open, carrying all kinds of noises to me.

The most prominent one is the laughter of some kids.

They seem to be playing and chasing each other around.

Peeking out of my window, I indeed notice them at the park right next to the packhouse.

It used to be a private park for the alpha family, but Sean decided that instead of keeping this area as a private one, to open it up to the pack.

He had the fences removed and invited the kids to play there and adult wolves to stroll around to their liking.

Ever since he became alpha, it feels like the pack can finally breathe again. During my father’s reign, I can’t remember kids playing or making any noise. I can’t even remember if I ever played like that. There is a stitch to my chest when I think about it, and how I never had a normal childhood.

How is that fair?

It’s not!

Fuck it. Fuck my life. I never asked to be born, yet here I am, and I hate it.

Taking a shaky breath, I try to calm down. Am I really being jealous of a bunch of 10-year-olds? That’s a new level of pathetic. Just because my life is miserable, it doesn’t mean others shouldn't be allowed to be happy.

My phone signals a notification for an incoming message, pulling me out of my thoughts. I hate communicating over my phone, phoning and messaging both feel so draining, but this time I am eternally thankful for any distraction. My relief grows when I see it’s a message from Lyle.

Dad bought a high-end restaurant. He wants me to go and be seen there today. Please tell me you will be coming with me.

I usually love being alone at home, even on a Saturday like today, but this time, something pushes me to accept his invitation, and I decide to go out.

I would have accepted anyway out of obligation to Lyle, but for once, I actually truly want to do it.

Although it’s not so much want as desperation.

I need to get out of this place tonight. Sure. When are we going?

Thank you, man! I will pick you up in two hours.

Enough time to get ready and to take my mind off things. Since I am still a liability by not having my wolf spirit, I usually inform one of my brothers if I have plans out of the ordinary, so that we can organize my bodyguard situation. I find Sean in his home office and knock at his door.

“Come in,” he calls out. He looks totally focused on his work when I step in.

“I am sorry for interrupting you.”

Sean looks up. “That’s fine,” he says.

“I just wanted to tell you that I am going out with Lyle tonight. Something about his father having bought a new restaurant.”

At that, Sean indeed perks up slightly. “Oh, that’s a nice idea.”

Seems like he really approves of my plans. I don’t think it should make me as happy as it does, but it’s just good to know I am doing something right.

“We will be leaving in two hours,” I say.

“Great. I will give Levi a call and tell him to work something out,” Sean says. We have an inner circle of the most trusted warriors who are allowed to come with me. Sean doesn’t let anyone else but those couple of men around me. He trusts them to protect me and not to spill my secret.

Technically, I could talk to Levi myself, but I think it’s better to keep my distance. I am good with Kiki and Lyle being close to me, but with everyone else, I feel a sense of dread even thinking about engaging too much with them and having them know me. I am better off on my own.

“Dad wasn’t kidding when he said the place is fancy,” Lyle says. “Did you know about it?”

“I didn’t, but I read up on it when you told me which restaurant your father bought,” I say.

Since Lyle’s father organized our dinner outing, we are already expected when we enter the restaurant.

It’s a very fancy place, pretty popular, but with room for improvement—quite the clever business move from Lyle’s father.

It’s exactly the type of place the wealthier alpha families and their ranked members will want to dine or hold meetings.

Outside, people are actually lining up to get in.

“Your dad made a good deal,” I voice my thoughts out loud.

“Seems like it,” Lyle says.

“While this is human territory, there are a lot of wolves within the staff,” I add. “It will make it easier to meet here and hold more sensitive meetings.”

“Really? I didn’t even notice,” Lyle gazes around. “But you are right.” He sighs. “It’s a bit too fancy for my liking. Do we really have to eat something?”

I don’t get to answer immediately because a waiter approaches us and leads us to our place at the roof deck of the restaurant, opening up to a beautiful view all over the city.

“This is truly a stunning view,” I admit.

“I agree.” Lyle looks around in awe. “It’s beautiful.”

The waiter looks incredibly pleased with our comment, albeit still a bit nervous. We both sit down at our table and have him bring us the menu, which pretty much answers Lyle’s previous question.

We do have to eat here.

“I don’t even know what they serve,” Lyle whispers to me.

“Last time my father ordered me to go and eat somewhere, and I bothered to check their menu, I felt sick. I’m just not…

” he pauses. “You know me. I am weird when it’s about food.

But it would be a disgrace to my father not to eat something here. ”

“I get it,” I say. “I don’t really mind what we eat, but—”

“But I am picky,” Lyle adds. “I know, it sucks. What should I order? If I look at the menu, I know what I’ll be eating. And sometimes it’s better not knowing.”

This trait of his is kind of funny because he is so serious and well-mannered usually.

We both grew up in a high-class family and within the high society of high-ranking pack members.

We know the drill, we know how to behave, but Lyle has always been a picky eater.

He hides it well, and he has learned to swallow down anything he gets served, but he hates it.

He thinks this puts people off of him, but I think it makes him more charming. He is just such a genuine person.

“I have an idea,” I say.

“Really? Good, I’ll let you handle it.”

We get interrupted by the waiter approaching us again. “May I take the order from the young masters?”

I smile politely at the man. “With that many delicious options to choose from, neither of us can make a decision. We would very much appreciate it if you could offer us the kitchen’s recommendation.”

The waiter nods. “I would be honored to do so. May I provide the two young gentlemen with the wine of the day for now?”

“Yes,” Lyle chimes in. “Please do so.”

The waiter brings us a bottle of red wine to go with the first course before promising to surprise us with the staff’s recommendation.

I leave it up to Lyle to find a way not to listen to the man when he indeed brings us the food and explains to us what it is.

I guess his wolf could sing something to distract him, whereas for me, it doesn’t really matter.

While cooking is the only thing I truly like doing, it seems like everything tastes bland to me.

I could eat a chalkboard and I wouldn’t even mind.

Before we can start eating, I take my pills.

I don’t know if it’s because of stress or if it’s just my body, but I can’t easily eat milk products.

The test didn’t show a lactose intolerance, so it’s probably just psychosomatic.

Another point on the list of my failures.

Just why can’t my body comply with me? It’s like everything about me is constantly crumbling and breaking.

“I am so glad you are here,” Lyle says after we just get our first course. He has successfully avoided hearing what it was, so he can eat it blissfully ignorant, as he calls it.

“I am happy to help,” I say.

“That’s not what I meant,” Lyle grins. “I think it’s just more fun with you. Imagine it were just me.”

“You could have asked Kiki.”

“Nah, Kiki hates this kind of stuff.” He pauses. “So, how was your meeting with Katalina? You haven’t said anything about her, and here I am, dying of curiosity.”

“Well,” I say, not sure what to answer him. How was my meeting with her? I can’t tell. It was different. Not as draining as expected, but at the same time, it just made me spiral, and I don’t know why. “She is honest.”

“And?” Lyle asks curiously. “That’s all? Come on, Remy! Is that good or bad?”

“She says what’s on her mind without being impolite. She is so straight-forward and blunt, and kind of na?ve in her excitement and her plans for the future.”

I don’t know why, but it just ticks me off.

“Ah, so you don’t like her.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“So you like her? She is cute, isn’t she? Kiki showed me her picture, and she looks sweet.”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “It’s just a job, Lyle. Let’s not overcomplicate it.”

He laughs. “Overcomplicate? You don’t need to befriend her or get close to her, but what’s wrong with actually having fun during work? She seems to be pleasant enough to be around. It looks like a lot of our peers like her.”

Fun.

Something about his words tick me off, just like when Katalina mentioned partying and her friends. “I know how to have fun,” I snap.

Lyle stares at me, clearly confused. He looks like he is racking his brain to find what ticked me off, and it makes me instantly feel bad.

“Sorry I—”

“I didn’t mean to imply—”

I sigh. “You go first.”

“I didn’t mean to imply that you don’t know how to have fun,” Lyle says. “Just that Katalina seems to be a magnet for joy.” He gazes at me. “You are always so serious,” he adds quietly. “I thought it would be nice to have someone light-hearted around you. I don’t know much about having fun either.”

“More than me.” I rub my temples thoughtfully. “I don’t know why she rubs me the wrong way. In a twisted way, it’s almost painful to be in her vicinity. I know that doesn’t make sense.”

“Hey, it doesn’t matter,” Lyle says. “We are we, and Katalina is Katalina, right? We are okay.”

“Yes,” I say, without much conviction, but I don’t want to bother Lyle with my problems more than I already did. Instead, I focus on the food, trying to shift the talk into a new direction, namely the gala we both loathe so much and can complain about for hours.

Meanwhile, I try not to think about Katalina.

Fuck. I don’t even know why I feel that way.

There is nothing wrong with her, and she didn’t say or do anything.

In fact, she was nothing but accommodating and friendly, but there is a sense of familiarity about her that terrifies me.

It’s as if she reminds me of something long ago, something I have lost and am not sure if I will ever be able to get back.