Page 11 of My Broken Mate (Healing Bonds #1)

Chapter six

Keep It Casual

*SEAN*

I ’m not sure how long I stand in front of the door… a couple of minutes, half an hour, probably longer. It’s our father’s old office, on the top floor of the company that Gabriel and I lead now. Gabriel hasn’t entered it since the attorney was there for the will reading.

It’s been a long time.

I can sympathize with him, but unfortunately, different rules apply for me. Even over a year later, there are still documents and things we haven’t sorted through, and someone needs to do it.

I don’t want Gabriel to be there and have to face all those memories, and I certainly don’t want Remy to be involved either.

He is already suffering enough, and memories of our father won’t help.

I don’t think our father ever beat Remy like he did with Gabriel and me…

at least I didn’t see it. But violence doesn’t always need to be physical, and Remy doesn’t talk much about our father, especially not after what happened to his mom.

Gabe and I don’t talk about him much either.

Maybe if we don’t talk about him, his shadow and his memories will go away.

Like he never existed.

This is the legacy you left us, Father , I think, when I finally open the door. We are all happy you are gone, yet broken by what you have done.

It’s like time has stopped when I step into his office. When I sit down in my father’s old chair, it’s like all my emotions hit me again, the fear and the terror. Every time I was here, it was for me to bend over his desk and be beaten.

I can’t remember one single good memory I had here.

It was always just pain. At least he had a bare minimum of respect for me for being his heir, but Gabriel…

he hated Gabe. I remember days when Gabriel could barely move.

Mom sometimes tried to shield him from his anger, but it was all in vain. She would get hurt, too.

And when she died, things just got worse.

Things only got better when he took Iris as his chosen mate and had Remy with her. He was temporarily distracted with this new life and forgot to beat us. But Remy’s mom was fragile, she always had this tired look on her face, and her eyes were becoming more and more empty every day.

Until, one day, she died.

Father turned crazy after her death and became more awful than before.

For a moment, the atmosphere in the room suffocates me.

I rest my head in my palms. Pictures of my mom come to my mind.

She looked so broken at the end before she died; it was like life was leaving her little by little.

I remember the doctors whispering that her wolf was getting weaker and wouldn’t heal her anymore.

I was a kid and didn’t understand, but now I do.

It was his fault.

And then, Iris… she was a kind woman who treated Gabriel and me with love, too, but she was fragile, and eventually she had the same look in her eyes as Mom.

Remy sometimes has that look in his eyes, too.

A certain sense of sadness. Like the world is getting too much for him.

The beeping of my phone pulls me out of my thoughts. Glancing at it, I see a message from Joel. I completely forgot we swapped numbers.

Hey Sean, I have everything prepared. The date’s still good? Friday at your pack.

Yes , I answer . I’m expecting you.

I wait before typing another message.

What are you doing today? I ask him .

Nothing. Why? You wanna meet? I’m very available, just so you know.

Do you know the bar between the business district and the city park? I’m going to be there in an hour. What you make out of this is on you.

I put my phone away afterwards and get up. I don’t want to wait for his answer. Either he comes or he doesn’t. I cling to my hope that he does, because I need to get out of here one way or another, and I need an excuse to do so.

Closing the door behind me again, I put on my jacket and leave the building. Once outside, the fresh air hits me, making me feel a bit more alive again.

When I get to the bar, it’s almost empty, and I choose a place at the bar counter. For a moment, I feel like the biggest idiot ever for letting go of my cool the way I did. Joel will probably deem me weak now.

I’m still pondering about what the fuck got into me to do what I did when I can hear the door opening and Joel’s loud voice greeting me.

“You came?” I ask, shocked.

“Of course,” he beams. “Couldn’t let that chance slip away.”

We settle for our drinks before engaging in small talk. That is, until Joel finally asks the inevitable question.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” he offers. When I stay quiet, he smiles. “How about a secret for a secret? I will go first. Ask me anything.”

“How were your parents?”

Joel is surprised by my question, but nods firmly. “My parents both died during a rogue attack, but I think you know that already. Mom was a bit introverted as a person, but she was really kind. Dad was… he was a great father, but I don’t think he was a great man… to a woman.”

“How come?” I ask, surprised.

“No cheating,” he grins. “Now it’s my turn to ask. What do you like doing?”

I’m so shocked by his question that I can only stare at him. “What?”

“I want to know what you enjoy doing,” he says. “I mean, aside from looking hot and broody and all. Do you work out a lot to maintain that nice ass of yours?”

Despite myself, I have to snort. “I like hiking,” I say. “Something about just being out there in nature always sets my mind at ease. I like playing chess and mahjong. And I like to read.”

“Porn?” Joel asks.

“No, I like crime novels,” I chuckle.

“Pity. I thought it would be funny if you read some cringey erotica.”

“Why? Do you read them?”

“Is that your question?” he asks.

“Yes.”

He grins. “If anyone asks, they are my brother’s. I will lend you some. Currently reading some steamy pirate action.” He looks at me. “When did you know you were gay?”

“Ever since middle school,” I answer, surprising myself by how swiftly I answer him. I know he looked through me the moment we first met, just like I was able to look through him, too. There is no use in hiding it from him. Yet there is a difference between not hiding and actually talking about it.

“Did you ever tell anyone?” Joel wants to know.

I smile. “Stick to the rules, your rules if I may add. My question now.”

“Shoot, you got me.”

“So, why was your dad not a great man?”

“He sucked as a mate,” Joel admits. “Mom wasn’t his fated mate. He chose her because they were high school sweethearts. But he was never faithful.”

“He cheated on her?” I ask quietly.

He nods. “I think he also kept his fated mate somewhere as a side piece. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great father to us.

He was kind, smart, and very involved. He was also a great friend, a genuinely good friend.

But I just think as a mate and husband, he sucked.

My mother deserved better. He is dead now, and I hate that despite the fact that I love him, I can’t forgive him for how he treated my mother. ”

I look at Joel, for the first time, seeing a certain vulnerability in his eyes. “I never told anyone I was gay,” I hear myself say. “I knew if I did, then I would have ended up dead. The alpha would have killed me… without any doubt.”

“But your father was the alpha, wasn’t he?” he asks.

Silence stretches between us before I nod. “Yes.”

“I came out to my siblings a while ago,” he admits. “Did you tell them?”

“No,” I say. “Did you meet your mate? Why did it go wrong?”

Joel stares at me. “How did you know?”

“The fact that you are here flirting with me,” I say. “You just condemned your father for being a cheater. I doubt you would do the same. You strike me as the person to wait for their mate.”

“I met my mate,” he admits. “But it didn’t end well, and well… a chosen mate it will be for me.”

I nod. “Sounds familiar.”

“Wait, what?” he exclaims.

“Do you think I am the type of guy to flirt with others and disrespect my future mate?” I ask bitterly. When I met my mate back in the day, I was beyond happy. I was ready to do everything to protect him, but things didn’t turn out as planned. As usual!

“No,” Joel says. “I actually think you are very genuine. So, we both didn’t have any luck. Sucks, huh?”

“Yes, but I think this is a story for another day,” I say evasively.

“I agree.” Silence stretches around us again. “Sean,” Joel asks quietly. “Why did you ask me out today? What happened?”

“Remy,” I say sadly.

“Your youngest brother?”

“Occasionally, he has the same look in the eye his mother did before she took her life. I’m so worried about him.”

I don’t know what has come over me to say it. It’s a truth I have never said out loud, too scared it will turn into reality then.

Joel stares at me, his eyes wide in shock. Instead of reassuring me that everything is alright or that it will be alright, he reaches out his hand, squeezing my arm slightly. “Fuck,” he says. “That’s some serious shit.” He pauses. “We will make sure to keep an eye on him.”

“I hope spending time with your sister will help him,” I admit.

“Did you think about sending him to therapy?”

I don’t know what to say. Remy is going to plenty of doctors regularly, and yes, there are therapists involved. It’s because he can’t shift. I feel like I can’t add anymore to his emotional baggage.

“You don’t need to answer that,” Joel says. “You are a great brother, Sean. I’m sure about that.”

“I’m not so sure,” I say. “All I can do is try.”

“Same,” he chuckles. “Most of the time, I think they might believe I’m insane.”

“I’m absolutely certain they love you a lot,” I say.

“There is room for improvement concerning my skills,” he says. “Both as a brother but also as an alpha.”

“Doesn’t that apply to everyone?” I ask. “I don’t think I’m in any way close to perfect.”

“You would be if you read gay pirate smut,” he says dryly.

His words make me laugh, the gloominess of our previous talk suddenly dissipating. It feels good to share my fears with someone. It’s something I haven’t done in a while.