Page 37 of My Broken Mate (Healing Bonds #1)

Chapter twenty-five

A New Side To Him

*REMY*

M y talk with Lyle did help with getting one issue off my chest, namely that I still have a friend to rely on, but it didn’t help me with the feeling of coldness that creeps onto me the further I walk into the packhouse, up the stairs and to the Alpha Suite.

It’s like a cold hand that grips my heart and chases all the feelings of hope away from me.

I notice once more how much it means to me when I am with Kata. I didn’t notice at first, but since last night, I finally realized it. Kata is my sun, chasing my demons away when I am near her, but when she is not around, everything feels dark.

I let my bag drop on the floor of my room, looking around.

Ayden is right. It doesn’t look like someone lives here.

While I didn’t lie to him that I can’t sleep well and any additional object distracts me, it’s also true that there is no real personality in my room.

It’s like I have mentally checked out of it.

The minutes drip by with me just standing there and staring at the nothingness of the white wall, slowly feeling how the darkness wraps itself around me.

I can almost see it, like dark hands reaching for me, cold arms gripping me and holding me in place, suffocating me with their tight grip.

The dull pain in my head starts again, slowly, but I know it too well not to guess what’s coming.

Another migraine. Again. So shortly after the last one!

My eyes wander to my desk, falling on the last drawer where I keep random items. I don’t even truly register that I am moving, like an out-of-body experience, but a minute later, I am back in my spot, holding the shard in my hand, the one I picked up when Gabriel found me.

I have kept it all this time, hiding it beneath my other things.

I am not sure why I kept it, I just did.

Wrapping my hand around it, it feels like a tingle first, the hint of pain as the sharp edges cut into the skin of my palm.

Little drops of blood appear, grounding me and pushing the shadows back.

They haven’t cut deep yet, and the damage is just superficial, not like the last time.

The last time it was deep, leaving a painful cut that kept me grounded for days.

Maybe it works a second time. Gabriel and Sean know I am clumsy and that I can get hurt easily because my wolf can’t heal me. They won’t get suspicious. Lyle and Kiki wouldn’t either. They might wonder about it, but I doubt they would ask too much.

Kata would ask.

Goddess, she would ask. I know it. She wouldn’t be fooled.

Like a flash in front of my inner eye, I can see her face. She would be so worried if she knew what I was doing, and maybe even blame herself. She would be sad, and no one is supposed to steal the light from her eyes, not even me.

My phone buzzes, pulling me out of my conflicting thoughts. Unlocking it, there’s a message from Kata!

Hi, babe, are you okay?

Attached to it, there is a cute little GIF of a rabbit.

Babe. I chuckle. I wonder what kind of face she made when she typed it. I bet it’s something between embarrassed and happy. Did she overthink it and wonder if it was okay to give me a pet name? I bet she made the cutest face ever when finally typing it.

Instead of replying with a message, I give her a call. I don’t know what has gotten into me to do that. I never call anyone unless I really have to. But it seems like my body is on autopilot, just acting on instinct. And my instinct is to hear her voice before I do something stupid.

“Remy!”

“Are you surprised,” I pause, “Babe?”

She makes the cutest sound ever. Something between annoyed, embarrassed and amused. “I thought I could try. Unless you don’t like it…”

“No, feel free to call me whatever you want,” I reassure her.

“I thought you wouldn’t like a pet name, but then I had to try and see for myself,” she explains. “And Remy is hard to shorten.”

“That’s because it’s already short form,” I tell her.

There is a pause. “WHAT?” she exclaims. “Wait… what?”

“Right, I never told you.” I settle down on my desk chair, the shadows around me slowly retreating, together with the dull approaching headache. “I am so used to being called Remy my whole life that I basically never tell anyone my real name. I sometimes think everyone has forgotten about it.”

“Wow,” Kata breathes out. “I had no idea! What is your real name?”

“Remus,” I say, the name foreign to my own ears. I have been Remy as long as I can remember. No one ever called me anything else, not even my brothers.

I have always been Remy. More quiet, more distanced, more broken than the other kids around me.

“Remus,” Kata repeats my name, and coming from her, it sends butterflies through my stomach. I thought it would sound silly to be called that way, but it doesn’t when she says it. “I like that name a lot,” she exclaims. “I like Remy, too. Both suit you.”

“You think Remus suits me?” I ask.

“Absolutely. It’s serious and hot.”

“I am hot?” I ask, intrigued.

I can almost see her blush, but she wouldn’t be Kata if she didn’t recover fast. “Of course you are. Don’t pretend like you aren’t.”

No one has ever called me hot. Handsome, maybe, pretty even, but not hot. I never thought I would give off that vibe to anyone. Somehow, hearing it from her makes me happy. “I think Katalina is a hot name, too, and the person carrying it obviously is equally as hot.”

“Goddess,” Kata giggles. “I didn’t know you could be such a flirt.”

“I am not sure I am,” I admit, “but with the right person…”

“Yes,” she says. She understood exactly what I said. “Same for me.” A pause. “So, how do you want me to call you? Should I stick with Remy or change to Remus?”

Again, hearing the name off her tongue sends tingles down my spine. I am not sure I am fully there yet to embrace it. “I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

“We can always return to that decision,” Kata promises. “I can stick with Remy for now, until you are ready to be Remus. And if that’s never, it’s fine, too.”

She truly always finds the right words to say. “Kata, is there a reason you wrote to me? You asked me if I was okay.”

“It was just a feeling,” she pauses. “I am not sure how to explain it. But I felt the urge to call you, like, something was off.”

I have no idea how to answer her concern, mainly because she was right. It must have been the bond, instinctively reaching out to her right when I was about to do something stupid.

“Is everything alright?” she asks me. “It isn’t, is it?”

“Not really,” I admit.

“Did anything happen?”

“No. I just felt off.”

“Why don’t you drop by my place?” she offers. “You can come anytime!”

“I can’t possibly burden you all with my constant presence,” I chuckle.

“Why not? You are my mate. I am happy to have you around anytime! Plus, everyone else will think we have become besties. That’s what they were hoping for anyway.”

She has a point. “How about tomorrow?” I offer carefully, still anxious that I am overstepping.

“Yes!” she exclaims. “I am at a lecture in the morning, but then I am pretty much all free.”

“Same,” I say. “Do you want to meet before our classes for some coffee?”

“I’d love to,” she sounds genuinely happy, and I make a mental note to invite her on dates regularly. She seems to like it if I show her my interest.

“You can drop by today, too,” she offers. “Or call me at least when you feel off.”

“I should be alright,” I say. “But I will if I don’t feel well.”

Talking to her helped me chase the demons away for a moment. And if I get my dose of Katalina tomorrow, it will only help further.

*KAT*

I have a gigantonormous crush on Remy, as much is obvious by now. I was so giddy I barely slept. I got up for extra-early cardio training, before grabbing some breakfast from the kitchen as the first one awake, which is a first!

Eve seems to think the same, because when he walks into the kitchen early in the morning, still sleepy, and sees me sitting at the counter and munching on my cornflakes, he instantly narrows his eyes to look me over thoughtfully. “Something is different,” he says.

I decide to play dumb. “What do you mean?”

“Different,” he repeats, while furrowing his brows and staring at me. “It’s your whole aura.”

“What’s going on with Aura? I think she wanted to hook up with one of the warriors,” Joel’s voice interrupts us, making me almost snort into my bowl of cornflakes. Aura is one of his elite warriors and a good friend of Joel.

“I was not talking about Aura, the warrior,” Eve sighs. “But of Kata’s aura.”

“You have a friend with that name, too?” Joel asks.

Sometimes, I think he is doing it on purpose to tick Eve off, and boy, does it work, because Eve’s eyebrow starts ticking, and I can barely contain my grin.

“I said that something about Kata is different. Don’t tell me you aren’t seeing it?”

Joel frowns before turning to me and staring, from head to toe and back up. “She looks like always.”

“Don’t you think she looks happier, and just overall,” he pauses. “Her aura is different.”

Joel tilts his head and amazingly stops the silly teasing. “If you say it, then it must be true.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“Not at all,” Joel says, sounding serious now. “You have an artist’s eye. You see more than others.” He pauses before he turns to me again, eyeing me curiously. “Did anything change, Kata?”

“You are aware that you’re both being weird, aren’t you?” I ask.

“Totally,” Joel says.

Eve shrugs. “I am always weird. Also, Gabe ditched our lunch date today because he is meeting Ayden.”

I try not to voice my surprise too openly. When did those two befriend each other? My mind goes back to our very early breakfast in the coffee shop, where we met Gabriel. I wonder what Ayden is plotting now. I trust him, though. He’s always had my back, so I will have his.

“Maybe it’s for a job,” Joel speculates. “Gabriel is leading the family’s main business after all.”

“Oh, I hadn’t considered that. Good idea.”

They are distracted enough, so I decide to try sneaking away.

I make it to the door when Joel turns to look at me again.

It’s times like these, that I notice how perceptive he truly is.

A lot about his silly attitude is a pretense, sometimes even in front of us.

“Katalina,” he says seriously. “If Eve is right and you are keeping secrets, it’s fine, as long as it’s nothing dangerous.

I won’t force you to tell us anything, but keep in mind that you can always talk to us. ”

I nod, because I don’t know what to tell him.

Then, I finally make it out of the Alpha Suite and the packhouse, and take a ride to the college with some of the warriors who have business in the city, and happily offer to take me along.

It’s way too early for my date with Remy, but I didn’t expect to be questioned by both my brothers and have to flee the situation.

However, to my surprise, I see a well-known figure leaning against the wall of our meeting point when I arrive

He is here already!

“Did you have to flee, too?” I ask with a grin.

“Yeah, I decided I don’t want to have my day ruined by meeting Sean or Gabriel,” he admits. “I know it’s mean, but I just wanted a peaceful start to the day, with you.”

The coffee shop is still closed, so Remy looks around before grabbing my hand and tugging me into a side alley. I feel silly, but in a good way, letting him tug me along, until he presses me against the wall and claims my lips.

Yes, totally, I am sixteen again and happily snogging my boyfriend in secret. I should feel silly, but instead I just feel happy.

I never thought Remy and I would ever reach this point.

Remus…

He shared his name with me last night, and I try to think more and more of him as Remus.

I want to be ready in case he wants to be called by his actual full name.

Oddly, it doesn’t feel foreign to me to call him that, unusual, but not weird.

Maybe it’s because I see a side of him no one else does.

Deep inside, it begins to settle in that maybe, just maybe, I am seeing both Remus and Remy.

Remy, as the quiet and distanced young man, and Remus, as the man who is not scared of tugging me into a secluded alley to snog me.

And I might just be in love with both.