Page 48 of My Broken Mate (Healing Bonds #1)

Chapter thirty-six

Moving On

*REMY*

I know something is off the moment I step into the Alpha Suite.

It’s just a feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The feeling only gets stronger when I step into the living room and notice both Gabriel and Sean sitting silently around the table.

Gabriel has folded his fingers and is resting his forehead against them, while Sean just stares at the wall.

His right hand is wrapped in a tight bandage.

“What happened?” I exclaim. “Sean, you’re hurt!”

Both of them turn their heads to look at me. “It’s okay,” Sean says, sounding calm. So calm, it raises my alarm bells instantly. “Just a little accident.”

“You are worrying me,” I mutter.

“I think you should sit down,” Gabriel suggests.

I drop my bag and walk to the table. Gabriel pulls a chair out for me, waiting for me to sit.

Once I have settled, Sean takes the folder that’s lying on the table between Gabriel and him.

“I don’t know how to tell you this,” he says quietly.

“Levi and I went through Dad’s belongings today. In his old office.”

He doesn’t need to explain the place. It fills us with dread whenever it’s mentioned.

“We found something, hidden in a small secret safe that was bricked in behind one of the bookshelves,” Sean explains. “I wish I knew how to explain this to you, in a way that won’t hurt you. But I don’t know how. I just know I can’t keep it from you. You need to have it.”

“What do you mean?” I ask quietly, more and more dread filling me to an extent I feel my head spin. “Just tell me,” I beg.

“It belongs to you,” Gabriel explains.

Sean hands me the folder. “It’s your late mother’s belongings and memorabilia,” he says.

His words come quicker than my mind is able to process them. I can hear that he is saying something, I can see his lips moving, but I just can’t grasp it. My gaze falls on the folder and on the pictures that are inside it.

It’s Mom.

Fuck, it’s Mom!

She… she did leave me something! I thought she just left without caring what happened to me. Dad always told me that she got rid of all the belongings before, that she burnt everything, but she didn’t. It was just another one of his cruelties.

It’s hilarious. I should have known.

I want to laugh, but my throat is constricting, not allowing any sound to leave it. Instead, I just gasp for air.

“Remy,” Gabriel exclaims, alarmed.

Sean grasps my shoulder. “Take deep breaths,” he commands.

Something pulls me as though underwater, making it difficult to see or hear anything, yet I can hear the murmur of his voice, and a sudden urge inside me to listen to it. I could swear there are eyes. Wolf’s eyes.

Are you —

The wolf disappears as fast as he appeared, and I escape the water with a gasp. Gabriel is standing next to me, a terrified expression on his face. “Are you okay?” he blurts out.

“I am…” My voice trails off. “You used your alpha command on me,” I say, turning to Sean. “It worked! Fuck, it worked.” I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. If you were able to command me, it means my wolf is getting stronger.

At the same time, the excruciating realization that my father hid my mom’s belongings from me hits again. I could have had closure long ago, but he didn’t allow it.

That bastard!

Tears sting my eyes. And of course, instead of acting like a normally functioning adult, I just had a panic attack. “I am sorry, as usual, I don’t have myself under control.”

“Don’t worry,” Gabriel mutters. “No matter what you do, it can’t be worse than your older brother punching a hole in the fucking wall of Dad’s office and breaking his hand.”

My eyes snap up. “What?” I exclaim, turning to Sean. “What?”

“I had to get it out of my system,” Sean says calmly. “It was an ugly room anyway.”

“That’s not the point,” Gabriel sounds exasperated. “Some of your bones splintered.”

“It’ll be healed by tomorrow,” Sean says. “Anyone want a drink?” he asks, successfully shutting down Gabriel’s complaint. “I know I want one.”

I grab the folder. “Me, too.”

“Let me fetch the drinks,” Gabriel sighs. “You two stay here.”

He shuffles to the kitchen. Silence engulfs us before Sean looks at me. “Promise me, you won’t do anything stupid.”

“I don’t…” I swallow thickly, realizing I have no idea what I want to do and how to deal with my emotions.

“Whatever you need, I will help you with it, just please don’t do anything dangerous.”

I clasp the folder in my hand, not sure how to answer him. Eventually, I nod, deciding to settle for something I know I can stick to. “I won’t do anything that endangers my life.”

I know it’s not what Sean wanted to hear. It’s all too evident in his eyes and by the sigh that escapes his lips. I can’t promise him more than that, and much to my relief, he doesn’t push for more.

Mom always called me Remus. Maybe this is part of the reason why I didn’t let anyone call me anything else but Remy for a long time. Looking back now, I can barely remember the months after her death. I only feel this deep ache that gets worse when I think of her.

With Sean’s help, I retrieved everything from the safe, and together with Kata, I looked through everything.

She was at my side through it all. Most of the things hold sentimental value, which makes this all so much worse.

If it were just money, I could have lived without receiving it sooner, but knowing my father kept this memorabilia from me, my mom’s most personal possessions, and the fact that he didn’t even abide by her last dying wish sends me down a spiral of self-deprecating thoughts again.

I try not to let them suck me too deep. Needing to keep a cool head and a clear mind, I instead take the only piece I haven’t opened yet: Mom’s letter. I haven’t read it, but attached to it, there is an image of a place I know all too well.

I have only been there once, but it’s ingrained in my memory.

And now?

I tap my lips before getting up and roaming through my room.

In a corner, there is my bag for college, and on my desk, the books I use for studying.

We just had our second round of exams in between the mess that just happened, and I don’t even know how I managed to get through them.

I don’t think I did particularly well, but even Gabriel urged me not to pressure myself too much.

I will pass anyway. It doesn’t matter if it will be with top grades or mediocre ones.

And for once, I actually listened to his advice.

My phone rings, a familiar name popping up on the screen. “Kata?”

“Remy!” she exclaims. “I am so glad you picked up. I swear I was about to drive to your place.”

Her words instantly startle me. “Is anything wrong? Did something happen to you or your brothers?”

“No,” she blurts out. “I just felt something through the bond.”

“Goddess,” I groan. “I am so sorry. I just… I went through some documents again.”

“Your mom’s things?” she asks softly.

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to drop by and stay with you?”

Yes, I want that. I want nothing more than that, but I also don’t want to burden her with it.

She is the light. But after the last couple of days in which I have been looking at the pictures of my mom, thinking of my brothers and how much our father traumatized us, but also how hard Sean and Gabriel are on themselves, I have realized that I need to do the same.

I need to finally find a way to make the hurt, terrified child in me go for good, and allow the adult me to progress and move forward.

I want to be able to keep the light in Kata’s eyes without relying on her to save me and my sanity.

She already has saved me by being my mate and the person she is. Now it’s my turn to move on from my past, to be able to walk with her without sucking all the strength from her.

“I am okay,” I answer. “I was just confused. It’s late, babe, I don’t want to keep you awake.”

“Are you sure? Because I would totally come!”

I know she would. “You are the best. I am so thankful I was allowed to meet you.”

There is hesitation in Kata’s voice. “Are you really okay?”

I think about lying to her, but then shake my head. Placing the picture of me and Mom on my desk, I decide to settle for a statement closer to the truth. “I will be.”

“Okay, but call me if you need me, or write me. I will be there in an instant,” she urges.

“I will.”

“See you tomorrow, Remy.”

I wait for her to hang up. “I love you, Katalina,” I mutter.

My thoughts linger on the name she used. Remy…

It’s time for Remy to leave so that Remus can come forward.