Page 15 of My Broken Mate (Healing Bonds #1)

Chapter eight

Close To A Disaster

*KAT*

“ H ello, I am Remy,” Remy greets me politely. “You must be Katalina?”

I am too stunned to even process what’s happening.

My fucking mate stands right in front of me!

I should lunge at him—okay, maybe not tackle him, that seems to be more Joel’s style, but I should reach out my hand, say something, anything, that indicates we are mates. “I… you are… we… yes… I am Katalina.”

Great, now I have turned into a blubbering mess.

I try to regain the upper hand while I lead Remy inside. “No one calls me Katalina, though. You can call me Kat or Kata.”

Remy looks at me, a hint of confusion on his face, before he nods. “Alright. If that’s what you prefer.”

There is no recognition in his eyes, no hint showing me that he is affected by the bond between us. Does he not care?

Leading him through the Alpha Suite, I fall into the usual pattern when I am panicked, and talk my anxiety away. I tell him about the pack, about the apartment, about my brothers, about college.

Goddess, shut up, Kata!

“Here is my room,” I finally say, opening the door for Remy.

He hasn’t said much up to now, just politely nodded here and there. Why again do I need to be such a nutcase?

While Remy settles down at my desk, I hurry into the kitchen to grab the cookies I baked, using the moment to catch my breath.

Okay, time to tackle this!

When I return, Remy is scribbling something in his notebook. “Do you have a schedule somewhere? I mean for your exams and college classes?” he asks me

“Yes.”

“May I have a look?”

Still confused, I can only nod before digging out the sheet of paper I printed out for him.

Remy has a serious expression on his face while he looks through my schedule and scribbles down some more notes in his notebook.

I keep staring at him while he does so, taking in his long eyelashes and his perfectly smooth skin, all the while trying to figure out what’s going on.

I have accidentally—or not so accidentally—brushed over his hand while handing him my schedule, but couldn’t feel any tingles.

Marise, what’s going on? We are mates, aren’t we?

No doubt , she says. He is our mate . A pause. Or at least I think he is.

That doesn’t sound too convincing!

I don’t know, Kat . It’s weird. I smelled him, I felt it, but now —

You don’t feel it anymore?

No, I do, but in a very washed-out way. The smell is barely there.

But if we are mates, why… I pause. Why doesn’t he react?

I don’t know. I am trying to reach his wolf, but he doesn’t respond. It’s almost like he is buried deep in his mind.

Do you think they don’t want us? Maybe that’s the issue. They come from old money and a very influential family. I… I am beneath him.

No, she growls . You are not beneath him. I won’t accept that as a reason. Let’s keep trying and find out what’s going on! Something feels off. At this point, I am not even sure if what I am feeling is real. Let’s keep digging.

“Do you want something to eat?” I ask him, trying to shove my thoughts aside.

Remy raises his eyes, looking at me first, then at the plate of cookies I am showing him.

He smiles politely, but his eyes are devoid of any emotions, as is his face.

I am reminded of what Ayden told me about how distant he is.

“No, thank you,” he says. He isn’t really impolite, but he certainly isn’t making an effort either.

My heart sinks, but I am not ready to give up. “They are self-made,” I say with what I hope is a warm smile.

“I am sure they taste fantastic,” he says, but doesn’t make any effort to try one of them.

Instead, he returns to ignoring me and looks through my schedule.

“Alright,” he says. “Here, I put together a doable plan for you. Let’s not go overboard and instead focus on the most important dates and goals.

You have a small exam coming up, and there is one class you need to hand in a paper for.

I think it would be best to focus on that first.”

He really is all business. Part of me is thankful for his help, but the other part is so utterly confused.

Doesn’t he feel anything at all? Does he truly not want me?

My heart breaks at the thought. But then, why would he want me?

People in general don’t want me, not like that.

They might like me, hang out with me, but they don’t want me. They never do.

Remy clears his throat.

“Sorry,” I hurry to say, trying to focus again. “My head’s just full of thoughts.”

Remy nods, but I have no idea if he truly understands. I try to read his expression, but it’s so closed off. When he looks at me, there is no recognition, nothing that indicates he knows we are mates.

“What happened?” he finally asks me. “That you missed so many classes?” There is a hint of curiosity behind his otherwise perfectly closed-off facade. It makes me even more eager to answer honestly.

“I guess I partied too much,” I admit. "Or, I don't know, procrastinated."

“Party?” Remy asks with a confused expression.

Oh, dear, I forgot I am talking to the most serious person in the universe.

“Well,” I explain, deciding to go for a joke.

I can’t with this guy’s dark eyes and the way he looks at me with this unreadable expression.

I need to lighten the atmosphere, somehow.

“When you meet your friends and hang out with them. And have fun!”

Remy pulls his gaze away all of a sudden. “I know the meaning of the word party,” he explains quietly, and much to his surprise, I feel a bit bad all of a sudden. I was just trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere. Usually, I hit the right tone. Where did I go wrong this time?

“I didn’t mean to say,” I blurt out, “that you don’t party, or don’t have any friends, or…

” Fucking shit, what the hell am I saying now?

This is making matters worse! Before I can dig my grave even deeper, I decide to offer him more information.

“It’s honestly not all to it. My brother challenged the old alpha around the time I finished high school.

I was everywhere else with my thoughts than at school.

Then everything changed, new freedom and all, and I suddenly had opportunities.

People invited me out and I was just so happy about it.

I missed some classes and had difficulties catching up, and then shoved that problem to another day and another day… and another day.”

“I am surprised,” Remy admits. His somewhat uncertain expression is gone again, and back is his stoic one. “I didn’t expect you to be so honest.”

“You thought I would lie to you?” I ask.

“Of course,” Remy answers. “I think a lot of people would lie.”

I shrug. “I hate liars. Everyone knows the truth anyway, why should I hide it? Clearly, you aren’t stupid and know enough already to look through any lie I could tell.”

“And your brothers don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” I say. “Joel is super laidback and understanding, and Eve, I mean Evander, is very supportive and just wants to see me succeed and find my path.” I look at Remy curiously now. “You are on top of your classes, right? I bet you are super-duper smart. You really like studying?”

Remy looks at me for a long while, his eyebrows scrunched together. Then he relaxes them slightly. “I do what’s expected,” he answers.

What’s that supposed to mean? It seems like Remy won’t give me any real answers to any of my questions. “Do you always answer so cryptically?” I tease.

Remy ignores my question completely and instead counterattacks with his own question. “And what happens when you do study?” he asks.

Answering a question with a question. Yeah, this is a hard guy to crack. And it doesn’t help that, apparently, we are mates. I know I am too invested in this to remain cool-headed and understanding for long. It’s just so frustrating to have him sitting here and not acknowledging me at all!

I hate confrontation, though, so I decide to answer him. Everything else needs to wait for later. I have no fucking clue what I am supposed to do about this situation. “I can’t concentrate well,” I admit. “I get so bored that I would do anything else just to avoid it.”

“Hm,” Remy says, furrowing his brows.

“Maybe it’s just not for me,” I say quietly.

“Or maybe you lack the proper strategies,” he says, much to my surprise. “Why did you pick economics? Are you particularly interested in that?”

“No, I am doing it for my brother, for Joel,” I say promptly.

“He wants you to study it?”

I laugh. Even imagining that Joel would force anything onto me is hilarious. “Of course not, he would never do that,” I say.

Remy looks surprised at my reaction. “Then, what is your reason?”

“I want to help him,” I admit. “With the pack and all. And I thought that would be the best way. I love him so much for being the best big brother he can be, and I am so proud of him for what he achieved. I want to help. I just don’t know how, and so thought this might be it.”

I expect Remy to say something cryptic again or to ask one of his slightly judgmental questions, but much to my surprise, Remy just looks away.

Something in his eyes flickers for a moment.

“Well then, let’s start with statistics,” he says.

“You will have a short exam soon, and I think we could still make you pass.

I nod at his words while completely lost in my thoughts.

I don’t understand Remy. Now Ayden’s words make a lot more sense.

He is incredibly hard to read. He isn’t unfriendly or anything, maybe a bit judgmental, but for the most part, he is just so distanced and doesn’t seem to want anyone to get to know him.

How am I ever going to make him open up to me and make him accept me as his mate?

I groan while I let myself drop onto one of the comfy chairs in my go-to coffee shop, namely the one Ayden works at. It’s a cozy place with only a small menu, but every cake and every biscuit is handmade and chosen deliberately for the week. I love it here.

“Bad day?” Fi asks when she sits down at the other side of the table, squishing some of the pillows to snuggle into them.

“Not bad, just exhausting,” I mutter, knocking my forehead against the table.

“Here,” Ayden says, handing me a huge cup of coffee and a gigantic slice of chocolate cake. “You look like you need it.” He sits down as well.

“You can sit with us?” Fi asks.

“I am on my break,” he says. “And I know that Kat had her first tutor session with Remy. I am dying of curiosity!”

“Was that today?” Fi exclaims. “Goddess, Kat, spill it! I can’t believe we walked the whole way to the café without you saying a word!”

“Sorry,” I say, not sure how to answer. “I was just—” I pause, deciding to do what I can do best, and smile brightly.

She is right, I didn’t talk about my afternoon with Remy, mainly because I was exhausted, having sat with him and studied, all the while seeing how he ignored the mate bond.

And then, when I met Fi, I just didn’t want to tell her anything.

Sometimes I don’t want to talk, but just want to keep to myself and allow my mind to rest, and I don’t want to hurt others by telling them my reasons.

So instead, I smile. “I wanted to wait for the three of us to be together, so I can tell you all at once,” I lie.

“That makes perfect sense,” Fi reassures me.

Ayden looks worried. “Was it that bad? Did something happen?”

“Not at all,” I say. “I just stuffed my brain with so much knowledge, it needs a break. Remy thinks I can actually pass my statistics exam if we try for it.”

“And how did you manage to stay cool with that bundle of handsomeness?” Fi giggles.

“I didn’t,” I say. I want to tell them about how he is my mate, but can’t bring myself to do it, instead, I decide to do what I can do second-best after smiling it away.

I make fun of myself. “When he came, I wanted to ask him why he is tutoring someone as helpless as me, when he could literally model for underwear instead.”

“Please tell me you didn’t say that out loud,” Fi chuckles.

“Don’t worry, I am not that stupid,” I say, and laugh, although I don’t feel like laughing at all. “Let’s see if I can really change anything about my utter failure at Uni,” I add.

“I am sure you will do just fine,” Fi says.

“And if not, I can still do something else, like becoming a warrior. I am not sure if I am any good at it, but I know I am not a complete failure.”

Ayden hasn’t said much up to now, but now intervenes. “I think you are more than capable of becoming a warrior. I also believe you can easily study if that’s what you want to. You can do anything.”

I am not so sure about that, but I know he gets upset when I argue with him about it, so I shut my mouth and instead eat the chocolate cake Ayden brought for me. Fi and Ayden, meanwhile, discuss Remy further while I switch my ears off and get lost in my thoughts.

Whenever I think of this afternoon, I can only see Remy in my mind. His heavenly scent, his beautiful dark-brown eyes, his slight curls, his long eyelashes… and the way he didn’t talk to me at all, not on a personal level.

It was as if he didn’t even see me properly.