Page 53 of My Broken Mate (Healing Bonds #1)

Chapter forty

My Mate

*KAT*

W hen we finally get out of the tub, the water has turned cold, so cold that both of us have begun to shiver.

I can’t let go of Remus, I can’t even let go of his hand.

I want to continue holding him. Once we are dry, he cups my cheeks.

“I can understand if what I just told you changed everything for you and—”

“No,” I interrupt him fiercely. “It changed nothing! Actually, I might even admire you more for how you persevered and kept fighting.”

“I didn’t put up much of a fight,” he says quietly.

“You did. You survived!”

“That’s not much,” he says.

“It’s everything . I wouldn’t have met you otherwise! You survived that monster, you are still here, and you are still fighting every single day. The fact that you get up every morning is proof of that.”

He shifts his gaze to look at me. For the first time since he told me his story, he looks me directly in the eyes, and I make sure he can find everything he is searching for. “You know I love you,” I tell him. “You are everything to me. And just for the record, you saved me, too.”

Remus’ thumbs move over my cheek. “How so?”

“I had no confidence at all,” I say. “My self-worth was completely dependent on other people. I was chasing every word of praise, only feeling like I did something well when someone told me so. It’s like I didn’t exist otherwise, if not for the people around relying on me.

I would take on any task, help out whenever someone needed help for whatever it was, just to have them like me.

I still have a long way ahead of me, but…

I was able to take the first steps into building my confidence because of you.

” I pause. “My stepmom was abusive whenever no one was looking. She made sure to crush my confidence. All her anger for my father’s cheating, she took out on me.

” I pause. “I know it’s nothing compared to your story, but—”

“It’s not a competition, Kata,” he says. “Your trauma matters just as much as mine!”

“Joel and Eve don’t know,” I tell him. “When Dad would gift me something, she would destroy it. When someone said something kind to me, she made sure to tell me how useless and pathetic I was.” I clench my fingers into fists. “One day, Dad gave me a cat. A day later, the cat was gone.”

He stares at me, shock all over his face. “No way, she didn’t!”

“It’s crazy, huh? She hated me so much, it wasn’t enough for her to take it out on me, she had to take it out on an innocent, helpless creature.

” I swallow thickly, trying to keep my mind in the present and not have it slip back into the past entirely.

Remus’ hands are on my shoulders now, his touch so grounding and comforting.

“The worst thing is that I can understand where she was coming from…”

“No,” he intervenes. “She had no right to take her anger out on you. You were an innocent child. Instead of lashing out at the person who deserved it – your father – she took it out on the one person weaker than her. A child. Nothing about this is right. She had options. But she chose to be abusive instead.” He pauses.

“I know why you are telling me this. You are saying you don’t mind what happened to me, and that I am still the same to you.

But I am not. I am really broken, Kata. I am utterly used and broken and… ”

I grab his face, forcing him to look at me.

“Look me in the eye and tell me I am lying,” I challenge him.

“I love you. And I will repeat it as often as you need to hear it. You are not broken. You are everything to me. I won’t allow your psychopath of a father to haunt you even in his death.

His spirit is already rotting somewhere because no one misses him.

In a few years, he will be forgotten entirely, because all of you will have moved on, thriving and happy simply because he isn’t here anymore.

His existence ended, and I am sure the shadow looming all over you three will continue vanishing, too. ”

“Goddess,” Remus chuckles. “I can’t help but fall in love over and over again with you when you talk like that.”

“That’s the plan!”

“Things won’t always be easy with me,” he says. “I have a long way ahead of me. I just want you to know.”

“I know. But I have no intention of going anywhere.”

I can see his walls crumbling, his whole stance relaxing. Then he suddenly scoops me in his arms. “I wish one day you would mark me.”

My heart almost jumps out of my chest. “Are you kidding? I was ready to mark you since I knew for certain that we were mates.”

He pulls back a little. “Is that true?”

I nod.

“Does that mean you would mark me…”

“Tonight?” I ask. “Anytime.” When he stays silent, I gape. “You actually mean it!”

“There is nothing between us anymore,” he says. “I have laid it out in the open, and I know my wolf isn’t strong enough to mark you yet, but for the first time in years, I am convinced that eventually he will be.”

“Yes!” I exclaim. “YES!”

“Okay,” he chuckles, his cheeks flushing slightly. His hands keep brushing over my side, reminding me that we are still naked.

“Remus, do you want to do more tonight?” I ask softly. “I can mark you, and we can cuddle. Nothing needs to happen.”

“I want to make love to you,” he says. “I am just not sure if it will work out the way we plan for it.”

“We are not planning it at all,” I reassure him, deciding to tread as carefully as possible. “Did you…” I pause. “You have experience, haven’t you? You had a girlfriend in school?”

He nods.

“Did you like sleeping with her?”

“No,” he answers honestly. “I loathed her touch. But I didn’t feel anything for her.

I just forced myself to do it because that’s what everyone did.

” He sighs. “I was always pretty good at numbing myself down to bear whatever was happening to me.” He pauses.

“I am sorry, this has to be exhausting for you.”

“It isn’t,” I say emphatically. “But I want you to promise me that you will tell me if you change your mind midway. You can always change your mind! Just because you are saying now that you want sex, doesn’t mean we need to go through with it.

We can try, but if you don’t want to go further, that’s fine.

I want you to know that it’s okay to say no whenever you feel it.

Don’t numb yourself down with me just because you don’t want to hurt me.

Please, promise me.” I wait for him to nod before taking his hand. “How about you take control?” I offer.

He blinks at me. “What?”

“That way you can decide what we do, and how far we go.”

I wish I could have read into this more, how to make someone with trauma feel comfortable in a sexual situation, but I have to wing it now. Maybe for once, my over-empathetic nature will prove to be useful.

“And I can announce everything I am going to do,” I offer.

For a moment, he is quiet, then a smile lights up his face. “See? This is why you are my light.”

The adoring way he looks at me, before his gaze turns more heated as he takes in my body, immediately sends a shiver down my spine.

Taking my hand, he gently leads me to the bed.

I let him take the lead, allowing him to set the pace.

When he settles down, his back leaning against the headrest and his legs stretched, I place my knees on either side of his legs, straddling him that way.

The look in his eyes turns darker again.

Reaching out his hand, he lets his fingers wander down my neck to my breasts.

They have always been a point of insecurity for me.

Partly thanks to my stepmom, who kept telling me that boys only liked big boobs, and that I should hide my smaller ones so as not to get embarrassed.

Remus, however, doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he seems to like them. His touch gets bolder as he cups one of them, his thumb teasing my nipple.

“Can I touch you, too?” I ask.

“Of course.”

I slip closer, making it easier for both of us to reach each other, but also making sure Remus doesn’t feel too cornered.

I want him to know he can always get away from my touch.

I have been waiting to feel his skin under my fingers.

It’s smooth, his muscles flexing under my touch.

He is lean, but it’s obvious he is working out.

Everything about his body, from his face, down his chest to his dick and ass, is beautiful.

He is blemish-free, which would trigger my insecurities usually.

But I do not feel awkward or insecure around him. I trust him so much.

This realization makes me bolder and more confident.

I allow my hands to move downwards, my fingers gliding over the small trail of hair from his stomach down to his groin.

When I look up at him to see if he is still with me, his eyes bore right into me.

His gaze is so heated that I don’t need to ask.

Using the precum on his cock for lubricant, I wrap my hands around his shaft, feeling the texture of his dick, the vein on the underside.

I glance up at him again to gauge his reaction and to see if he is still into it.

As an answer, he leans forward, and his lips roam my neck, sucking right at the spot where, hopefully one day, I will carry his mark.

Oh yes!

His hand continues to knead my breast while his other hand moves to my ass.

Double yes!

I decide to trust him to tell me when things get too much, and instead go with the flow, allowing myself to fall into the sensations as well. I can feel his cock getting harder as I brush my thumb over the tip of it.

I wonder if it would be better to…

Goddess, should I?

I stop briefly, angling my head to meet Remus’ lips and kiss him. Moving back a little, I bend down to move my lips over the tip of his cock.

“Fuck!” he curses.

I instantly pull away. “Not good?”

“No, Kata, it’s fantastic!”

That’s all the verification I need. I have never blown a guy.

I do give a decent hand job, at least I think I do, but I never wanted to blow a random guy I just flirted with.

Now, however, I want to. Wrapping my lips around the tip of his cock, I give it a tentative suck.

A groan leaves Remus’ lips, spurring me on further.

I don’t really know what I am doing, once more just going with the flow and with what Ayden once told me about a blow job he'd received. Good thing he is always oversharing!

I can feel Remus shifting his body slightly. Before I know what he is doing, his hand moves between my legs. Momentarily, his cock slips out of my mouth. “Yes,” I gasp. “Remus.”

“Fuck!” His voice is so low, it makes my core tighten. “Hearing you say my name like that is amazing.”

“What do you want?” I ask him, blinking up at him.

“What do you want?” he asks in return.

“I want you inside me.”

He pulls me up, closer to him again. “Would you mind if I am on top?” he asks. “I don’t feel comfortable… you know…”

I won’t allow him to get anxious now and question whether I am having a good time or not. I just drop onto my back, pulling him on top of me. It must have been the right decision because he instantly kisses me, grabbing my legs to pull them apart and settle between them.

“Fuck,” he curses. “We didn’t buy condoms.”

“I am on birth control,” I say with a grin. “You may thank Ayden for that later. He pushed me to do it, because you never know.”

“I will write him a thank you card,” he whispers into my neck, licking at it teasingly.

It seems like another wall around him has crumbled.

He is much bolder all of a sudden, lifting my hips slightly, then grabbing my hands, pinning them to the sides of my head.

My body is screaming for him. I am so wet, he is able to push into me in one go.

“Yes, like that,” I gasp, pulling one hand free and wrapping it around his neck.

He slides into me, slowly first, before picking up his pace and the force of his thrusts. “This—” I moan when he shifts his angle, and my mouth drops open. “Remus.”

“Fuck, Kata, you feel amazing. Mark me!”

I don’t ask him again if he is sure or not. We talked about it before, and he told me he is ready. I don’t have any reason to doubt him. Time to pull another barrier down now. I allow Marise to come forward, letting her raise our head and slam her fangs into our mate’s neck.

Remus shivers and groans, something dark flashing through his eyes. The bond snaps into place, making this all so much more intense. My eyes almost roll into the back of my head when I suddenly feel another presence. Remus’ lips are on my neck. “Not so fast,” a voice whispers.

I can barely grasp what’s happening, my mind trying to chase this sudden, new development and understand it.

Far ahead of my mind is my heart, though, understanding what’s going on way before my head does.

“Your name?” I blurt out, not able to form a proper sentence, as he bites down on my neck, marking me as his.

“Atlas.”

I close my eyes, clinging onto Remus’ back, as I feel the intensity of our marking and mating wash over me in the first orgasm I’ve ever had. Remus’s cock tightens inside me before his hot seed covers my walls.

It takes a while for me to come down from my high. “I can’t believe it,” I whisper, sliding off him and dropping onto my back, then I turn my head to look at Remus. In one hand, he holds mine, while the other rests on his chest.

“I…” He shakes his head, as if he can’t believe what just happened. “This is… my wolf was here!”

“Atlas,” I say softly.

He closes his eyes. “I can feel his presence stronger now. I think… we are really close to becoming one. And all just thanks to you, Kata.”

“No,” I say. “You took the steps to start healing. It all began with your decision to get to know me, to get better, and to mend your relationships with your friends and family. It was you, not me.”

“You gave me the push,” he says.

“And you put the effort into it,” I add, snuggling against him. “Don’t diminish your own work.”

For a while, none of us talks, then Remus chuckles. “Can you believe we had our first time together, in this room. I just marked my mate on sheets with little kittens on it.”

“And in this completely kitsch room,” I giggle. “But it’s good. It adds personality to our marking.”

Remus laughs. “It does.”