Page 55

Fifty-Four

Killian

I look up at Reign with tears in my eyes.

The letter falls from my hand onto the floor, and I run my fingers through my hair.

Fucking Reign.

I have her heart in my chest and a baby from her waiting for me.

“Why?” I whisper to myself before looking at her. “Why did you have to do this to me?” I stand up and walk towards the wall near the window and start punching it repeatedly. It’s the only thing I know how to do. It’s the only thing I can do right now to somewhat calm myself down and not start breaking shit. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I repeat after every punch. I turn around to look at Reign. “Fucking Reign. I told you not to make me fall in love with you. Why would you do this to me?!” I yell while Reign just lays still and has no expression on her face whatsoever. I walk up to her. “I didn’t want to be here anymore, Reign. I was waiting and I accepted death, but you had to come in and ruin it.”

I grab her hand and press my lips to her soft cold skin before making her hold my jaw like she always would. “Please make it stop hurting, baby. Please. I don’t want to be here anymore. Just make it stop. Make it all go away,” I beg as tears fall from my lids.

Her cold hand against my jaw does nothing to make me feel better.

I feel like the world stopped spinning.

Like my whole world just collapsed and there’s nothing left anymore.

I.

Feel.

Like.

I.

Could.

Just

Die.

“Please Reign, don’t leave me. Don’t leave me here. I don’t want to be alone. I can’t do this again. I need you here with me, baby. Please, I can’t go through this shit without you. I need you.”

I lean into her chest, but I hear no heartbeat.

I don’t hear anything come out of her.

I cry into her chest and hold her as tight as I can.

And I don’t let her go until they come to unhook her from all the machines. I sit in the chair across from her bed and hold her hand as they take the wires and unhook her.

And when they told me I had to let go of her hand, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I stay in the room even after they leave.

I stopped crying, there were no more tears to force out.

She’s gone.

My Star is gone.

My light.

My Reign.

“Mr. De Luca.” I hear, making me look up from my hands and see a doctor walk in holding a clipboard to her chest. “I’m the doctor from the incubator room. I wanted to ask you a few questions and see how you are doing,” she says before sitting down next to me. “Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling at all?”

“I’m feeling fucking great,” I mutter.

She nods her head, probably not knowing what to say. “I understand this is a hard time for you. A child is a lot for a person to handle. But a child is also such an important aspect in a person’s life. I know you’re going through a lot currently, but I just need to know if you’ll be able to handle this baby, especially with all you’re going through right now.”

A child.

A fucking child.

Reign and I’s fucking child.

She didn’t fuck anyone but me, so I know it’s for a fact mine.

I just can’t believe it.

“What is it?” I ask, even though it won’t change my mind.

“It’s a girl. And she’s doing really well, Mr. De Luca. Vitals are normal and she weighs about 1.5 pounds.”

God she’s fucking tiny.

Probably about as big as my hand.

“I don’t want it.”

The doctor looks like I just shot her.

“But-”

“I said I don’t fucking want it.” I glare at her. “See if Reign’s parents want the child. I don’t. I don’t want it. I don’t want to see it. Nothing.”

The doctor sighs and she nods her head. “Understandable. I know that the grandparents would be happy to take the baby in their care. But I need to ask you since you are the biological dad.”

I stand from the chair and my hands clench. “Don’t call me that. I’m not the dad and never will be so don’t call me that or next time I see you, I’ll fucking pour gasoline all over your body before lighting you with my match,” I say as my whole-body tenses and that fucking ringing in my ear doesn’t go away.

Everything is too loud.

I need to get out of here.

It’s too small here.

Everything is too much.

I am about to leave the room before the doctor calls my name again and stops me. I don’t turn around, but I don’t leave either.

“In my opinion, I think you’d be the best thing for this baby, and this baby for you.”

My heart-fuck, Reign’s heartbeats uncontrollably hard as I leave out the door.