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Thirty-Six

Killian

I never thought I’d ever dread coming back home after a long trip.

Usually I love being home, in my room where no one can bother me.

It’s my safe space along with my house in Greata I bought when I turned nineteen.

But instead of feeling happy and relieved, all I feel is guilt and pressure.

So much pressure that I just want to give up already and wish that life would take me.

Reign is back in Bulgaria where her dad could be telling her the worst about me.

But the text I sent her wasn’t very vague. Reign is a smart girl, and she knows what her Star meant when he said sorry and then she saw her dad coming back later.

If she didn’t figure it out now, she will soon.

While Malcom limped away, I made sure all the other guys were dead and I left them there. Bulgaria’s fucking police and Malcom’s team can deal with it.

I did all that, killing my own men for Reign’s dad.

For fucking Reign Pierce.

This goddamn girl is messing with my head, and I swear I’m going to end up dead faster than I’m thinking with this girl.

I drove fucking fifteen hours, in my clothes that have blood on them in silence.

No music playing in my car because I just can’t think straight with music playing.

All that dangerous fucking thinking going on in my head is fucking me up and my heart isn’t making things any easier with how fast and rapid it’s beating against my chest.

When I open the door to the house it’s quiet and empty.

Looks the same since the last time I was here.

I know my mom is probably in her and my dad’s room resting. She only ever comes down for meals when she is feeling up for it.

But for some reason, I can’t help but have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I don’t go to her like I want to because I know my dad wants to speak to me after the shitshow in Bulgaria, plus my mom is probably sleeping.

When I push open my dad’s office door, I take a look at him, and it looks like I’m staring at a stranger in my dad’s chair.

His white button up has the top three buttons unbuttoned, his hair isn’t as short as it was last time I saw him, he’s grown a light scruff which is strange because he usually always shaves.

He looks torn up.

He is leaning back in his chair, flipping a knife in his hand, there’s a glass of what I’m assuming is whiskey in front of him and his eyes meet mine.

“Dad,” I state, closing the door behind me and walking towards the chair in front of his desk.

He leans off his chair as I sit in mine, putting his hands on the desk while still gripping onto the knife.

He looks fucked up.

My mom is probably puking her guts out with blood mixed in, she’s dying, and my dad can’t do anything about it.

For once in my dad’s life, he can’t fix something.

He has the power to fix everything, but not this.

All the medications and money he’s put into her treatments don’t do shit, if anything it’s making her worse.

She’s getting worse every day, my dad knows it, I know it, Thalia knows it, but none of us are strong enough to say it out loud.

“You fucked up,” my dad says, pointing the knife at me. “What were you thinking, Killian? You know how much damage you caused?” He furrows his eyebrows at me. My leg starts bouncing up and down as I try to stay calm. “You let him get away with a bullet wound instead of a bullet to his head. Are you kidding me? I didn’t raise you to be so weak. And you’re sitting here as if you didn’t do shit wrong. As if everything is fucking perfect,” he says, getting more frustrated.

“Yea,” I say.

That’s all I can say.

Because the reality of the situation is something I can’t admit.

I just can’t admit I’ve grown weak for the girl with eyes that made me think I was looking at the universe.

My dad furrows his eyes and chuckles lightly, shaking his head. “Yea?” he repeats. “That’s all you have to say?” He slams the knife on the desk. “You’re fucking done. I thought you’d be ready but after that shit, you’re done. No more.”

“You’re dead De Luca! You’re dead to us!”

Malcolm's words flash in my head.

“You created a whole mafia war for mom, right? You seem to be all about the term love but then when your children want something like that or something close to that, you get pissed off. Like with Thalia, you made her marry Alexander when she was dating someone!”

My dad’s jaw clenches. “I’m glad I did that because that fucker was a Russian! Besides I knew she and Alexander would end up together. I talked to Thalia about this already, not you because it’s none of your business.”

I shake my head lightly and laugh. “This is bullshit,” I whisper. “You’re being unfair. You were unfair to Thalia, even though she was dating a Russian, she still had a relationship with him. Mom was a part of a group you hated! She literally tried to steal from you and kill you the first-time you guys met, didn’t she?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

The way my dad is looking at me right now makes me assume he wants to shoot me.

And I wouldn’t be surprised if he did because I never disrespect him, ever.

My sister wouldn’t think of speaking to him like this. Only person who gets away with calling him out on his shit is my mom but at this point I don’t give a fuck anymore.

Everything is falling apart.

What’s one more thing like a broken relationship with your dad?

I’ll be like every other kid in the world with daddy issues.

My dad and I have always bumped heads because I’m the type to fight back until I am on my knees bleeding while my dad expects me to act like a dog and follow his demands.

Fuck that.

I’m done.

“You don’t know shit, Killian. You think you’re perfect? You think you’re the king? Think again, son.” He shakes his head as if he can’t believe me.

“Nobody is. Not even you. But you can’t make me hate someone.”

I tried and instead it ended up being the complete opposite.

“You want her just for some goddamn pussy! She is just a woman, Killian! You don’t love her.”

I look at my dad and I already know he can see it on my face.

I haven’t admitted it, I’m too afraid to.

And I’m not going to admit it until the very last second because it’s just better to ignore it or deny it.

All you do is get hurt.

One way or another.

“Don’t talk about her like that,” I say, in a serious, low tone.

My dad furrows his eyebrows at me and leans towards me. “Don’t tell me you love her, Killian. You barely know her.” I don’t answer. I get up from the chair and walk towards the door. “Answer me, Killian.”

I bite my bottom lip and squeeze my hands into fists, my heart beating hard against my chest.

Reign Pierce happened to pierce her way through my heart, without any restraint or issues. She broken down all the walls with a mere finger touch and those fucking eyes. I was doomed from the moment I met her.

It’s a crazy feeling, one I never thought I’d ever feel.

Like you’re in heaven, like you’ve found the one.

I’m honestly willing to lose everything just to see her smile.

Even being away from her now, it feels like a piece of me is missing.

“Does she know?” my dad asks, already knowing the answer.

“No.” I say before turning the knob and leaving so he doesn’t ask any more questions.