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He chuckles as he slowly pumps his finger in and out of me. He leans over, my cock brushing against him as he continues his motions, sliding another finger inside as he crushes his mouth to mine.

My hips rock against him, my cock needing to feel the friction and heat of his skin. His free hand finds my cock and he squeezes. I groan as his thumb slides over my weeping slit. Between his fingers in my ass and my cock in his hand, I don’t know if I’m going to make it .

“Relax,” he tells me and I blink, feeling the emptiness as he removes his fingers from my ass and his hand from my cock.

I whine, hating the feeling of being empty. But it only lasts a minute, because soon enough, he’s pressing at my entrance while one hand holds my hip.

“Breathe, baby. I got you,” he says, and the switch flips.

But it’s not the switch I’ve known for years, it’s different. This…

This isn’t about coming. It is, but…

It’s something else. Something I’ve never felt before.

His words stir something inside me that I thought I’d lost.

Maybe I did lose it.

Maybe I left it here in Ashbourne, with him.

“Oh fuck,” he breathes as he pushes into me, tightening his grip.

I hear the slight shake of his voice and I raise my hips to meet him, to take him.

“Alex,” he breathes. “You feel too fucking good.”

I let out a soft chuckle. “So you say.”

He pushes in a little further, past my resistance, sliding in easily. The motion drives him over top of me and he settles his elbows beside my face. He presses his forehead to mine, his gaze imploring mine.

“Look at me, Alex,” he says, his voice a dark whisper .

I keep my eyes trained on him, just like he asks.

“Good boy,” he says, slipping a hand between us to grab my cock.

One thrust.

“Jordan…” I moan, the words scratching the part of my brain that craves the praise he gives me.

Two thrusts.

“You take my cock so good, baby.”

My back arches, and I bring my hands to his abdomen, feeling his muscles and every movement he makes. I slide them up his chest, around his neck. I feel like if I don’t hold on I’m going to fall. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe it’ll be okay.

His free hand finds mine, placing it on the pillow above my head. He holds my wrist, but not forcefully. His thumb traces my veins and my fingers curl, grazing the back of his hand. It’s the faintest touch, but it’s the one that does me in.

“Jordan, I—”

Everything inside me is a storm.

I close my eyes trying to push out the thoughts that threaten to poison this moment.

No one’s ever touched me like this before…

My breath comes in fast because it’s too much.

Three thrusts.

His mouth finds mine as he continues his steady, slow thrusts, his rhythm torturous. My cock aches in his hands, his cock filling me to the brim. His tongue in my mouth. His hand on my wrist, his heavy chest pressed against me.

“Come for me, Alex,” he whispers against my mouth. “For me .”

His thrusts come faster. Harder.

He takes his hand off my wrist, sliding it down my body until he finds my thigh and grabs it. He hooks it around his hip and pushes me back, the angle making his cock run right over my prostate, and I moan loudly.

“Fucking hell, Jordan!”

He chuckles as he finds my lips again.

His hand on my cock tightens as he jerks me faster. The sensations are overwhelming.

He smells like vetiver and sweat and sex, and his voice is scratching all the right parts of my brain. My skin is on fire and my heart feels like it’s going to explode out of my fucking chest.

Tears prickle the edges of my eyes, which isn’t new. Crying through an orgasm is something I’m used to. On my own, and with a partner. But these aren’t orgasmic tears, I don’t think.

They’re something else, but I’m not sure what.

I try to stop them because the anxiety swells.

I know how people react to this. How they look at me when I cry in the middle of sex.

Like I’m broken or traumatized. I tense, fighting the feeling of pushing him away and pulling him closer.

I’m not sure which I need. Which is better.

I hook my other leg around his hip, crossing my ankles, my heels digging into his ass as I drive him closer.

Closer it is, then.

His cock pummels into me and the tears start to fall. I grab onto him, digging my nails into his back as I meet him thrust for thrust and then I break.

“C-coming—” My voice shakes and I hate it. I hate how I sound because there’s no denying the truth.

I am broken. I am damaged.

Jordan falls back, pulling me with him until we’re sitting up straight and he grunts out a strangled sound. “Me too.”

My legs are still entangled around him and I feel my warm, wet cum spreading between us. I feel his cum dripping out.

I bury my face against his shoulder, trying to catch my breath. His free arm holds me tight, fingers splayed at my back. His heartbeat against my chest is steady, and I time my breathing to the rhythm.

One breath.

Two breaths.

“I’m still here, Alex,” he whispers in my ear. I’ve never felt so relaxed in my life, and I think I might actually fall asleep.

“Still here,” I murmur against his shoulder .

He untangles my legs with one hand, and I fall back into bed.

I watch as he saunters off, feeling strangely sated in a way I’ve never felt before.

When he comes back, he has a towel. He wipes me up slowly, wordlessly. I watch him with my heart in my throat. There are words that are stuck there that I know I shouldn’t say.

And I can’t. Not even if I wanted to. Because if I do, I’m never going to recover. I’ll really fuck this up, and I don’t want to fuck it up.

So I don’t say them. I keep them to myself.

“Was I good?” I ask.

I realize my error the moment I hear it. I’d meant to ask if it was good. The sex with weepy Alex. I want him to be satisfied. I don’t want him to be freaked out. I don’t know if I can take it if he is freaked out.

What if he doesn’t—

“Shit, I meant—”

“Yes,” he says as he gets into bed beside me, pulling me close until he threads his leg between mine. “Ten out of ten. Would fuck again,” he says humorously.

That gets a genuine laugh out of me.

His lips find my neck. “And again and again.”

His voice starts to fade and I close my eyes. I’ve never slept so good.