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Chapter Nine

Jordan

We leave the club without telling anyone where we’re going, but I’m sure they’ll figure it out. The hotel isn’t far, but I’m not in the mood to walk, so while Hailey and Alex are making out like teenagers, I hail a cab. I shove them inside, and they don’t even break lip contact.

I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, but I just need to know.

This is an opportunity I may never have again. Drunk, in Vegas, where anything happens and no one talks about it afterwards. I’m in the perfect situation to hook up with a guy and just… know.

And not just any guy, but Alex.

This could be a huge mistake, and maybe I’ll regret it tomorrow but I need to know .

On the elevator up to our floor, Hailey slides her arm around my neck and pulls me down to kiss her.

I swear I taste Alex on her lips. From the corner of my eye, I see him watching us and maybe that fuels me on to kiss her a little harder, a little deeper—to pretend I like it more than I actually do.It’s not awful.

I don’t hate Hailey. She’s fun and hot, but it’s just…

missing something. No different from all the other hooks up I’ve had, or tried to have.

Maybe I’m more of a sap than I allow myself to be, and maybe I need some kind of emotional connection or some shit to make things work.

Or there’s the alternative… the one that I can’t bring myself to think about. The one that I may very well have an answer to tomorrow—or in an hour—which may only make this situation worse.

When the elevator stops on our floor, I pull away from Hailey and dig the key out of my pocket.

Alex jumps in for his turn, and I already see how this is going to go.

I’m not sure why I thought this could actually be a thing—the three of us.

Everything has to be all about Alex, all the time.

He’s going to shove her into the room and be his extroverted self and get her into bed.

I’m going to hide out in the bathroom because there’s no way in hell I can see another guy’s dick so close to mine.

Can I?

No, definitely not.This isn’t the locker room or the bathroom. This is sexual. This is hard-ons and cum.

Definitely not into that.

But—

No . Not into it.

I get the door open and Alex and Hailey stumble inside.

I lean against the wall as I watch them, focusing on the way Alex is kissing her.

With slow, long strokes of his tongue. It’s messy, but not in a bad way.

I wonder how he kisses someone he actually gives a fuck about.

Would he kiss me the way he’s kissing Hailey, or different?

Her hands slip under his shirt, lifting it enough that I get a glimpse of his abs. When he pulls his shirt off, I take in the curve of his back, his toned arms, and the way his ass looks so damn good in those pants.

Fuck, there’s something wrong with me.

I take in a deep breath, closing my eyes and hating the way my dick twitches when I imagine Alex’s ass out of those pants—when I think about him bent over the bed…

This isn’t right. It’s so fucking wrong, and I’m going to hate myself for what I’m about to do.

But I am about to do it because despite what people think, it has been a long fucking time since I’ve slept with someone.

I let people think what they want, don’t deny it when the guys talk about me taking off with girls, but usually they’re so drunk that I make sure they get home okay and they don’t know the difference.

Sometimes they think we fucked, and I let them think that all they want.

It helps me in some way. Keeps people from asking qu estions I don’t want to answer or even think about answering because they don’t make any sense.

I can’t be attracted to men.

I just can’t.

That’s not how it works in my family, my life, my career.

A deep, masculine groan pulls me back to the present, and I find Hailey on her knees, Alex’s dick deep down her throat.

He’s got a handful of her hair, slowly thrusting himself into her open mouth.

My gaze goes from the way his ass clenches, to the way his dick disappears between her lips.

His head is thrown back, lips parted and eyes closed.

It’s hot as fuck, but so is porn, so this doesn’t really mean anything.

Though, when my gaze goes back to his ass, and I imagine getting on my knees and burying my face in there, my dick gets harder than it has been in a long fucking time—and it pisses me right off.

“Come on, Jordan,” Hailey says sweetly. “I can take you both at the same time.”

I bring my gaze to Alex, who is watching me over his shoulder with a smirk.

“Nah, that’s a little too—” I close my mouth, swallowing hard.

“Gay?” Alex says, but I don’t answer .

It’s rude as fuck to use that as an excuse. I don’t have a problem with gay people or what they do. I just have a problem with me being gay.

“It’s only gay if you like it, Jordan.” Alex winks, and I grit my teeth.

I know what he’s doing, and it’s going to work.

There’s something about the way he looks at me, this glimmer in his eye that tells me he sees me differently than other people do.

He doesn’t look at me like I’m a piece of meat, the way he looks at everyone else.

It’s hard to describe exactly, and maybe it’s more of a feeling than anything else. Or maybe I’m just fucking crazy.

But basically, if I don’t get over there and let Hailey suck my dick along with Alex’s, he’s going to think that I won’t do it because I’m afraid I’ll like it too much.

Which is exactly what I fear. So… what the actual fuck have I gotten myself into?

This is the weirdest drunk I’ve ever been, and I swear I will never drink vodka again.

Shoving off the wall, I walk to his side, glancing down at him. He’s looking at me like he won, and maybe he did. It annoys me, but also… this is Alex, and I know he won’t say anything. So, what the hell?

“When in Vegas,” I mutter as I undo my fly.

“Take off your shirt,” Hailey says.

I do, tossing it away. While she licks Alex’s glistening dick, she unbuttons my pants and shoves them down .

My dick springs free and she moans as she eyes it, grasping it with her small hand and stroking me.

I groan, my head falling back on my shoulders.

It’s such a relief to get pleasure from something that isn’t my own hand.

When she puts her mouth on me, I have to shift my weight so I don’t fall over because it feels so damn good.

“Fuck,” I hiss, looking down at her as she takes as much of me into her mouth as possible. From the corner of my eye, I sneak a glance at Alex’s dick in her hand. I lick my lips, which have suddenly gone dry.

I feel him watching me, but I won’t make eye contact. I can’t. That’s too fucking much. It’s bad enough I’m already on the edge of panicking, but I need this so fucking badly.

My eyes fall closed. Maybe if I pretend Alex isn’t here, this will be easier. Only that’s when the panic really hits because I feel my dick softening.

No, no, no. Fuck. No.

My breathing gets heavier and I open my eyes, panic swelling in my chest. If I get soft right now, in front of her and him—I’m not sure I could handle that embarrassment.

No, I don’t think Alex will say anything but knowing that he will carry around that information will fucking kill me.

I can deal with this shit on my own, but if someone else knows I struggle to stay hard during sex at twenty-one…

Yeah, there’s no fucking way I can handle that kind of shame.

There’s this little voice in my head telling me how to fix it, but I push it away because what it’s suggesting is fucking crazy. Absurd. But the thought has my dick growing again, and I think maybe if I give it a try, I’ll have my answer.

I’m just terrified of what that answer is.

Hailey moans around me, sucking my dick like it’s her goddamn lifeline. The voice in my head grows louder. Louder and louder and louder until I can’t ignore it anymore. I flick my gaze to Alex. His dark green eyes are wide as he watches me, filled with lust and heat.

My heart flips in my chest, my stomach fills with butterflies, and that’s when I know that I am seriously fucked.

So… why not make it worse?

When in Vegas, I guess.

It all happens so fast, and I hardly remember gripping the back of his neck, but I pull him to me, needing to know if he’ll kiss me the same way he kissed her.

I need to know if what I tasted on her earlier was him.

I need to fucking know if there is something wrong with my dick…

or if I’m just not into girls like I’ve thought.

Every time I’ve thought about this being a possibility, I’ve gone into a crippling panic.

As the thought goes through my mind now, with Alex kissing me better than I’ve ever been kissed before, a calmness washes over my body .

His mouth moves against mine hungrily and the deepest groan escapes his throat.

He’s eager and trying to take charge, but something switches when this realization hits me.

The panic gives way to a rush of feeling that is some strange mix of fear and relief.

I feel like I can’t breathe, yet I can breathe better than ever.

My heart is beating a hundred miles an hour, but not in the way a panic attack makes it.

I feel for the chain around his neck, gripping onto the ring and I tug it hard . He gasps against my mouth, and I take control of this situation.

“Oh my God, that’s so hot,” Hailey says. It fuels me on to kiss Alex more.

His lips turn up into a smile as he kisses me, and I know immediately that what I tasted on her is him. Sweet and bitter.

As the adrenaline floods through my veins, the calm starts to wear off and in comes the panic again.

What the hell does this mean?

I pull away, frowning at him, hating everything that just happened but loving it so much more.

Alex looks dazed, his lips parted and swollen. I drop the ring.

What does this mean?

It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. All that matters is I’m harder than I’ve ever been, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to come somewhere other than in my own hand tonight, and that is enough to stop me from walking out the door.